Five Dollar Funny



My friends and I have been working very hard to see this Five Dollar Funny production hit the stage in three days. I would say that this is the hardest that we have ever worked on anything, communally speaking. We are all a little (or a lot) nervous at this stage: What if nobody comes to the show? What if lots of people come and we suck? What if we miss a cue or a line? What if I forget everything?



I'm nervous too. That's part of the joy of the stage. But there is something deeper here that we must acknowledge. Two weeks from now there will be no more shows to do. Two weeks from now we will look back and wonder if it was all worth it. I want to take the time to say that it was worth it. Even if nobody comes, even if we give a terrible performance, even if we "fail."



It's worth it because we have done it together. It's worth it because we love each other more now than when we started. It's worth it because we have nurtured an encouraging atmosphere. It's worth it because my friends have been at my house more than normal. It's worth it because my kids have been loved by this renegade Bohemian community. It's worth it because I'm praying for my friends every morning these days. It's worth it because we can't stop laughing. It's worth it because God is pleased with his children when they love each other...when they create...when they worship.



Yes. I would prefer two sold-out performances and great reviews. I'm only human. But no matter what. For me. It has all been worth it.

Good God



My house is Bohemia Central. The kids are in bed and I've slipped away to the office to write a bit. There are more than a dozen artists roaming through my house. Some are making a short film, a few are making dresses and some others are just relaxing in my living room. I know its not the normal American Dream...but it is my personal dream...realized in front of my eyes. Jesus said that the Kingdom of Heaven would be seen among us. Tonight it is all I can see. I came home from "church" tonight to find heaven in my house.



The spiritual fathers and mothers speak of moments of transcedence. Moments when God appears. Moments when eternity invades time. Moments when heaven comes to earth. They say that some men search their entire life to touch God.



My search is over.

Saga Press



Click here to see an article appearing this weekend in The Las Vegas Sun newspaper.

Creator. creators.



Creating sounds so fun and easy. It is often fun. Not always easy. Yesterday I watched Dale, Sia, Doug, Kenny and Kelly work for over six hours on what wll amount to less than one minute of a film project for Five Dollar Funny. Today I know that Kenny is working hard on promotional stuff for the show, and I know that I have logged many extra hours over the last few weeks. Sean has been at rehearsals nonstop for a month. Heidi is throwing herself into a dance number that will be over and done in five minutes. Gregg is going to log hours in front of his computer to edit a video that will make people laugh for a moment. The rest of my friends are memorizing lines and giving up evening after evening to create one huge piece of art with their friends.



Creating is hard. What are the options though? Not creating? Please. C'mon people. What kind of life is that? Like everything worthwhile in life, art is that confusing mixture of romance and repulsion...ecstacy and boredom...joy and pain. As for me, I choose the life of an artist not because it is easy or practical or profitable or respectable. I am an artist because I cannot imagine not being one. I am an artist because my God is an artist. It's how I worship.



On a practical note, if you would like an sneak peek at the improv team performing at the show, drop by the "Art and Coffee" this Saturday at 6:00. I'll be performing there with my Second City friends. (NE corner of Alexander and Tenaya)

A Few Unrelated Thoughts



That was close. Somehow I accidentally erased the entire html code for my blog. I'm happy to say that it has now been reconstructed.



We are definately in pre-show mode for Five Dollar Funny. Lots of rehearsing, lots of promoting. There is a sick part of me that really loves the last 10 days before a show. The panic that leads to art is a beatiful thing. It's fun to panic with your friends! The show will be great and people will come...hope to see you there!



On a sad note, Jennifer Palmer died this morning. Please pray for Mark and his family. Death makes me angry. I believe in Jesus, in large part, because he promises an answer to the problem of death. Mark and Jennifer's faith has astounded me through this whole process.

Ernie



Every Friday I have lunch with three friends who have become my brothers. Today it was just me and Chris, whom I call Ernie. Greg is on vacation and Doug must have forgotten all about us after having to adjust to actually working this week after three months off. Being an introvert I still get a little nervous whenever I am alone with someone, even a good friend. I feel naked and awkward, especially when I was expecting more than one person to be there and only one showed up. There are very few people who I am completely comfortable with. My wife is one. These three guys are the others. I'm sure there are a few more, but you get the idea.



Today it was just Ernie and me. What a gift. Most people as screwed up as I am have to pay $100 to hang out with him for an hour (he's a therapist, not a prostitute.) He asks me questions that most people don't have the wisdom or the courage to ask. And unlike virtually everyone else in my life, I like it when he asks me personal questions. I first met Ernie when we were 13. We became the best of friends in college, some 12 years ago now. I'm an only child so the concept of brotherhood has been difficult for me to understand. But I think I'm getting it. A brother is someone you just can't shake...someone you love more than your friends even if you don't see them as much...someone who sees into your soul and isn't appauled by what he sees...someone who remembers you as the fat kid, the cool kid, the success, the failure, the tormented one, the clueless one, the arrogant one, and the content one...and has for 17 years addressed you the exact same way every time he sees you: "Hey, buddy."

Intentional Living, Part 1



A number of people have asked me about my current living situation. Most people seem simply curious. A few, like myself in years past, seem very interested in pursuing intentional living themselves. And of course, a few have been obviously repulsed by the concept. My friend Pat asked me to share some thoughts on the subject via my blog. Being my first specific request for a blog topic, I could not refuse. The truth is I haven't said much about it for two very good reasons: 1. We are very early into the whole process and 2. Much like my relationship with my wife and kids, I never want this web journal to become a sounding board for anything that might make the important people in my life feel invaded or attacked.



Tonight I will tackle one oft-asked question: Why did you decide to live in an intentional community?



Ah, this is a difficult question. It is very complicated if the "you" is plural. Why did we, the twelve of us, decide this? That is a question that is the synthesis of six adult answers and six, probably better, kid answers. Why did I? That I can make an attempt at answering. Here are my reasons in no particular order:



1. Because I am selfish. A time had come for me to put myself into selfishness rehab. I needed to force myself to share more of my life with others.

2. Because I wanted to be a witness against the prevailing American ideals of individuality and isolation.

3. Because I was stuck in a rut trying to live out some of the simplest commands in Christianity, particularly the economic mandate to share everything on a daily basis.

4. Because I wanted my kids to grow up understanding that Christain community is a daily reality, not a programmable event.

5. Because almost all of my heros lived communally: Jesus, Francis, Patrick, Luther, Nouwen, Mother Theresa, Rich Mullins, my friends at Vineyard Central in Cincy.

6. Because it is the historical norm for followers of Jesus outside of our day and age.

7. Because rich white suburaban Las Vegans in gated communities deserve a hippie commune next door to them.

8. Because my wife, who was 100% against the idea, became more excited about it than I was.

9. Because I'm 75% sure that Jesus told me to.

10. And...because I fell head over heels in love with my housemates and would have regretted it my whole life had I not approached them to think about it.



Having said all of that, don't you dare do it for the first seven reasons if you can't honestly agree with the last three. Sometime soon I will blog about why it is so wonderful and difficult at the same time. Until then, 'nite john-boy.

No Business Like Show Business



I love telling stories. It, as best as I can discern, is what I was put here to do. It's my unique contribution to the beauty and chaos of creation. I like live theater as a form of storytelling. As a performer, it is my favorite way to tell stories. What I have yet to decide is if I like promoting my theatrical events. Part of it is fun, part of it is very awkward and vulnerable: "Hey, you don't know me, but come see this show I'm in...and, oh yeah, give me money for the ticket."



Until we are a big enough deal that I can sit in a dark room and be creative while some salesman drums up audience members, it is my lot to promote. Here's the truth: This show is going to be good.



All of this to let you Las Vegans know that you can now purchase tickets for Five Dollar Funny, a sketch comedy and improvisation show, online at www.sagastorytellers.com. Also, if you are interested in helping your buddy Joe promote this thing, let me know and I can get you whatever you need.



Break a leg.

We had church last night



I am recovering this morning from our open house yesterday. I have no idea how many people came, but it had to be over 100 throughout the entire day. It was good to see old friends and meet new ones. God has really blessed us with an amazing extended family. By 11:00 pm the crowd was down to Sia, the Stokes and the Petersons. Debbie and the kids were already in bed. It was then, after it was less chaotic, that I grew thankful.



Sometimes I look at my friends...my really close friends...and I feel the same way that I do about my lovely wife. I wonder what they see in me. I wonder why they choose me to hang out with. I find myself feeling proud and honored to live my life beside them.



This, I think is life in the Kingdom. Life in the Family. I think this is Church....the called out ones...the divine assembly...the life like no other. Most people couln't see it, but I could.



The hymns were the voices of the children.

The sermon was a large house shared by 12 people.

The offering was given and recieved. Gifts coming in, soda and burgers going out.

The eucharist was beer and hummus.

The prayers were silent, but audible. "Thank you God for this family."

Jerry



I just wrote a huge post on why I loved Jerry Seinfeld's show. And then my computer went wiggidywack and deleted it. So...The show was fantastic. He inspired me and made me laugh.



Rest assured, that my previous post would have made you think that I am incredibly clever and witty. But this one will just prove that I am way to lazy to retype it.

What's the deal with...



I'm going to see Jerry Seinfeld tonight! Thanks to my friend Paul Evans and the sacrificial heart of Gregg Stokes who gave his ticket to me. I'm trying to hide my excitement and be cool, but imagine what band or sporting event would most excite you and that's how I feel about Jerry.



"That think tank thing's gonna be big. Mark my words."

Come One, Come All!



All of you are cordially invited to the following events in my life. You should come to at least one of them because you want to be with me...and another one because you feel guilty about not coming.



1. Saturday, August 2: Our Housewarming Party!



It starts at 3 pm and goes until all hours. Shoot me an email if you need directions. We will be feeding people around 6 pm.



2. Saturday, August 16: Introducing "Unlikelty Probability"



This is a new improv group that has formed with my friends from Second City. We will be performing at the Art and Coffee, which is located in NW Vegas at the intersection of Tenaya and Alexander. $5 gets you a coffee drink and the hour long show. It starts at 6:00.



3. Friday, August 22: Five Dollar Funny



This is Saga's comedy romp. It's going to be great. 8 pm at the Clark County Theater in the Library located on Flamingo at Maryland. Tickets are $6 in advance, $8 at the door. Check out the website for details.



4. Friday, August 29: Five Dollar Funny



Same as above.



5. Monday, September 1: Second City Student Showcase



This is a graduation of sorts from third level training. The show is at 10 pm at the Las Vegas Little Theater (3844 Schiff Dr. Call 362-7996 for directions.) Tickets are $5.

Experiment



The following is an improvised story. A practice in stream of consciousness writing. I have no idea what it will be about. When I have finished I will only correct spelling and grammar. The story will be left unchanged. Lets see if this works:



Four crickets sat on a leaf. To them the leaf was a boat in the middle of a chaotic lake filled with vile creatures and vast wilderness. The leaf was safe. The leaf was home.



One day a most remarkable thing happened. "I'm moving," said the smallest cricket, a dark brown personality with brilliant yellow eyes.



"Moving?" The largest and most popular cricket laughed as he spoke. "Where would you go? Look at you...you would not survive one day in the wilderness. You are small and not very bright. Besides, The Great Cricket has clearly taught us that movement is futile. Only staticity draws us into oneness with the universe." The lead cricket closed his golden eyes and began to meditate. The two other bugs followed his lead.



"I'm still leaving!" The irreverent rebel interupted. "I'm leaving and you can't stop me. There is no Great Cricket. I've never seen him anyway. All your religion is good for is creating boring non-eventful lives. I would trade one day in the wilderness for a lifetime of days on this leaf."



"But you are so young," the oldest cricket belched. "Be patient, young grasshop...er...cricket. One day you may be ready for such adventures. When I was your age I nearly left the leaf as well, but a wise old cricket reminded me that youthful decisions are always regretted. So I stayed...and I haven't left since. It will pass, my son. Let it pass."



"I will not let it pass." The young cricket grew angry and loud. "I will not make your mistake. I will leave. Today, if I must."



The small cricket hopped to the edge of the leaf and began to leap.



"Wait!" the last cricket chirped. All bug eyes turned to him. He was frail and old, nearly as old as the third cricket. He rarely spoke and when he did nobug really ever listened. He lifted his head, "You must go, my son. It is your destiny."



"And who are you to speak of destiny? You are the least in the colony?" The lead insect spoke in a deep voice.



"I am the voice of experience," the enigmatic cricket said. "I have been in the wilderness. I have left the leaf."



"You left the leaf and yet you returned?" The young cricket chirped. "How...why?"



"There are those who never leave and condemn those who do," the sage said as he eyed the leader. "And there are those who leave and never return...But there are also those who must leave so that they can find the joy in the journey home."



With that the old prophet smiled at the young journeyman. And with one leap the tiny traveler began his journey home.

L ve: i or o? Its the same thing.



I had a great lunch with Jimmy today. I'm glad that we are friends. We are very similar and very different at the same time. I was thinking today about all of the people that I have met since we came to Vegas over eight years ago. So many people, literally hundreds, probably thousands. I think about all of them and wonder how I ended up sharing my life with the people that I do. Of all of the thousands, today I had lunch with Jimmy, today I live with the Parkers and Citizens, today I talked about everything under the sun with Sean and Heather. Who knew? Who could have guessed?



I think about what would have been if I had become a gen-x megachurch pastor like I wanted to a few years ago. I wonder if I would have less friends. I think that I would know thousands but only truly love a few. Right now I know almost everyone in Apex...I should say that I know almost everyone who comes to the Sunday Gathering. There are lots of people in house churches that have no idea who I am. But I love those 150-200 people who make an effort to come on Sundays. I love almost all of them...all except for Tommy. Ha.



I feel overwhelmed with friends. I'm a very blessed man. This strange life of mine is the life that I want. How many people on planet earth in 2003 get to actually live the life they want? Too few.



Last year, both for me and for my larger community, was a year of death. No one really disputes that. It was painful, difficult and scary. It was boring and confusing. This year, praise God, (search every entry I've ever written and you will find that I never say 'praise God' so I must really mean it because though part of me wants to delete it, I'm not going to.) This year is post-death. And yet we live. This year is the year of resurrection. This year is heaven. This year made last year worth every painful second. This year there is peace. This year there is life.



Wake up, sleeper. Rise from the dead. Cause the King is shining on you like the sun.

Comedy's Comin...



Rehearsals start this week for Five Dollar Funny, a Saga Comedy Show opening August 22. Tonight I officially turn into Joe the Promoter. Please, please, please tell all of your friends about the show...it's gonna rock. Click Here.

I Have A Dream, actually I have quite a few...



Ah, the beautiful insanity of life. So many dreams, so much fear to follow them. This week I have met with my friends. One who dreams of starting a church, one who dreams of producing a feature length motion picture, one who dreams of making guitars in his garage, one who dreams of making an honest living from his art, one who dreams of growing up to be a good wife and mother, one who dreams of a new vocation that helps people, one who dreams of a business that can survive and be a ministry, one who dreams of a career in music that's not money driven, one who dreams of leaving Best Buy for SNL, one who dreams of a day when her kids won't wear her out, one who dreams of enough free time to follow his dreams.



And then there's me. A compulsive dreamer. The dreamer of dreamers.



There is nothing more real than a dream. Reality is the fantasy that everyone must endure to survive to our next dream. Our very dreams themselves are our ultimate reality...not the attainment of our dreams, but the very truth that we do dream. It makes us who we are...it makes us NOT monkeys or tadpoles...it makes us creators.



The Creator created little creature/creators to create in his image.

Pointlessness points to a Creator. What use is beauty? music? love? It is pointless...a waste of energy. Only a Beautiful Creator would create creatures capable of creating beauty. This, today, is my ultimate apologetic. This makes me a theist. (Not atheist...a "theist".) A cosmic computer program could have never made a blowfish, a rainforest, or Michaelangelo.



Dream. Create. Dream Again.

A Friendly Prayer



God,



Grant me Debbie's Compassion

Grant me Eli's Enthusiasm

Grant me Aidan's Giggle

Grant me Ernie's Devotion to Love

Grant me Doug P's Integrity

Grant me Greg's Commitment to Friendship

Grant me Jim's Faith

Grant me Jeremy's Passion

Grant me Kenny's Attitude

Grant me Doug C's Child-likeness

Grant me Kelly's Honesty

Grant me Cheryl's Heart

Grant me Tommy's Commitment to Brotherhood

Grant me Meghann's Selflessness

Grant me Jimmy and Nicole's Desire for Right Living

Grant me Gregg's Levity

Grant me Heidi's Maternity

Grant me Sia's Faithfulness

Grant me Allan's Enthusiasm

Grant me Sabrina's Patience

Grant me Nancy's Empathy

Grant me Jennifer's Endurance

Grant me Rebekah's Intensity

Grant me Susan's Hospitality

Grant me Lori's Sacrificial Heart

Grant me KO's Paternity

Grant me the Harshman's Generosity

Grant me Sean C's Joy

Grant me Sean O's Desire for Holiness

Grant me Flick's Contentment

Grant me Adam and Michelle's Fortitude

Grant me Mo's Riskiness

Grant me Shad and Sherry's Momentum

Grant me Keith's New Eyes

Grant me Phil's Determination

Grant me Dale's Humility

Grant me Ramon's Thirst for Righteousness

Grant me Gene's Insightful Grin

Grant me John W's Tenderness

Grant me Brent and Tari's Enthusiasm

Grant me Kevin R's Commitment



Thank you God, for my role models.

What I Want



I want to start getting up early to exercise, pray and write.

I want to stay up late and hang out with my community.

I want to sleep 8 hours every night.





I have to pick two of the three...

Home



We arrived late tonight (friday). 2070 driving miles from my in-laws to my driveway. Must get sleep...

An Apology



My friend Dale Neven gave me a book to read about four years ago. I just started reading it and it is phenominal. I think that it might be a God thing that I have decided to read it now after coming to many of the conclusions on my own. It's a book by Franky Schaeffer called Sham Pearls for Real Swine: Beyond the Cultural Dark Age-A Quest for Renaissance.



Sorry Dale, I had no idea...

My Point of View



From where I sit I can look out of a window just over my computer screen to see my family outside in Memaw and Papaw's back yard...a full acre of grass and trees. My wife is pensively swinging in the country swing reminding me of the first few times that I came here to visit her during our engagement. Eli is driving a red kid-sized Jeep that Papaw brings over from a friend's house whenever we visit. Last year he couldn't figure it out. This year, I have to say, he is a pretty darn good driver. Weaving in and out of the trees and parked cars. Aidan rides shotgun, binky in mouth. Very very content to be the passenger...next year he will want to drive. They are city boys exploring the wonders of Indiana. It makes me smile.



I sit at this desk drinking McDonalds coffee, which as it turns out is the best brew in town. I'm thinking about my flight tomorrow morning at 4:30 am...whoever heard of such a thing? I'm excited about my improv class and seeing Phil who will be in Vegas when I get there. I'm amazed that I will fly home, spend over a day there, and fly back here in less time than it will take to drive back next week...such is technology. It would have taken George Washington months and months to get from here to there. And he was the President...



My sister-in-law Angie is now on Morphine with her brain cancer. I have been able to see her often and she seems in good spirits whenever I am around. It is sad though.



The family is inside now and Eli is begging to use the vacuum...so I'd better go decide if that's what he should be doing right now. For the record, that's one of the hardest parts of parenting. Deciding when a four-year old should be allowed to vacuum and when he should be forced to play with toys.



Pax.

God Bless America



Why I love America:



1. I can try to become whatever I want.

2. I have more than I need.

3. I'm free to do whatever I want.

4. My kids are sheltered from most of the world's violent reality.

5. It's my home...everybody loves where they are from.



Why I hate America:



1. I can try to become whatever I want.

2. I have more than I need.

3. I'm free to do whatever I want.

4. My kids are sheltered from most of the world's viloent reality.

5. It's my home...everybody hates where they are from.



Happy Independence Day.

Deep?



Now we are in Indiana at Deb's parents. The trip is going well. I'll be flying into Vegas this weekend, but since my speaking engagement was pushed back, I will only be there for a day or so to take my first class of third level Second City training. Then we will begin the journey home on Wednesday, a week from today.



I'm reading Philip K Dick now. He was a sci-fi author who wrote a few decades back. He was also influential on The Matrix creators.



My wife says that I don't blog anything spiritual or deep anymore...maybe she's right. Maybe she's not. Maybe I'm not deep anymore. Maybe deep is in the eye of the beholder.



Either way, she's right in noticing that the things I think about these days are different than they used to be. I'm happier at least. I had breakfast a few days ago with a long time friend who asked if I was less depressed because I have a peace with God or because I'm running from Him...I said, "I don't know." Maybe I'm running with Him.



Being back in the midwest has made me see how different I turned out than I should have. It has made me realize that I like the me I have become. I also realize that I used to like to come home to shock people with my differences and now I just want to hide them and get back to Vegas so that I don't have to come across as a rebel or disrespectful.



Here' s something deep: Jesus is still calling me out of religion and into the real and living Kingdom of God. The last few steps out are the scariest and most difficult. I'm not going to look very "christian" when its said and done. Oh well...such is life among the devourers of the red pill.



Peace to you.

The Hulk, LA and Central Ohio



I saw the Hulk tonight. It was nothing like I expected. I think that it was good. Ang Lee took some bold chances with the editing. The CG looked so bad on TV, but seemed to work within the film. I'm not sure what the message of the film was, but I'm pretty sure it had one...which is a good thing for a comic movie.



Being so far away from home has made me realize how close I live to LA...does that make sense at all? So, I'm thinking about taking some acting classes in LA this fall once a week to see what its like.



Columbus, Ohio. That's were I grew up and where I am tonight. It is the twenty-fifth biggest city in America...just behind #24, Las Vegas. What has struck me this time:

The insane amount of restaurants per capita. Everywhere you look, there's another Chilis, Applebees, etc.

There are no movies after 10 pm, which is kind of odd to me.

There's a $50 limit to cash back at the grocery store.

The national gay pride march is here this week-50,000 people. It seems so conservative to be so...not conservative.

Baja Fresh is here now...another restaurant but a taste of home.

The movie theater that opened my junior year of high school looks rather aged and worn...what does that say about me?

Notes from the Road



States I've been in since Monday:



Nevada, Arizona, Utah, Colorado, Kansas, Kansas, Kansas, Missouri, Illinois, Indiana, Kentucky, Ohio...where I am tonight.



Miles driven since Monday:



2,284



Total miles on the new minivan:



2, 479



Today I buried my Grandfather. I was the "minister" but I so desperately wanted to be the grandson. I was able to help lots of people. That was good. I don't mind helping people. I just want to be a normal guy who loves Jesus and helps people. I'm tired of being seen as a professional pastor. I used to love it...not more than four years ago I was proud of it as a profession, but something has changed. Its more than a profession. Being a professional minister doesn't even make sense. A pro-servant? A pro-shepherd? A pro-missionary?



Don't get me wrong. I like working for Apex...I am so grateful for all of the people who sacrifice so that I can devote so many hours to church planting and encouraging church leaders. I just wish that I could explain to everyone that "my friends give me money so that I can devote my time to our common mission." Instead most people label me, for better or worse, as a pastor, or preacher (I got that a lot today in the hills of Kentucky) or a minister or whatever.



Speaking of pastor stuff, I was scheduled to speak at Central Christian in a few weeks, a big church in Vegas. I like speaking there because its fun to work the big room. It's a good dose of big church excitement and energy once a year so that I can remember why I like having church so much in Shad and Sherry's living room. I love being a part of a megachurch every 10-12 months. But...Central had to bump me for a prospective Sr. Pastor candidate. So, I'm both sad and relieved at the same time.



Ah life, one minute you're an up and coming minister and the next minute you want to spend your life with struggling actors...one minute you're packing your sesame street suitcase to spend the night with your Papaw, the next minute you're packing your family into a minivan to preside at his funeral...one minute you are being strong at the funeral, the next minute you weep while typing a blog.



I love you, Papaw. I'm sorry that I didn't call you very often, but neither of us liked talking on the phone at all. I know that you stuggled with God...just like me. I hope that there is a literal heaven and I hope that you are there...I'm proud of you. You were a kind and gentle man. I don't know if I am that yet, but I want to be.



I conclude this blog with the exact words that my Papaw would say if he read the above paragraph...



Bulllllshit. (This was his way to say, "I love you too.")

Papaw



My Grandfather, Clifford Maddox, died last night at 9:15 eastern time. Both my mother (his daughter) and I are only children, so I was his only grandchild and the boys were his only great-grandchildren. My grandma, "Nanny", is still alive. She has asked me to do the funeral. I would rather just attend...but I'm planning on doing it for her.



So...we are leaving today in the new minivan on an 18 day journey into the heartland of America. We had planned on leaving three weeks from now, but decided to go now to make the funeral. I will be flying back to Vegas in a few weeks to speak at Central Christian, then returning to Indiana to drive the family home.



We'd appreciate your prayers for travel and for both mine and Debbie's family. (We will also be seeing Angie, Deb's sister-in-law, who is battling brain cancer.)



Life is about to get very real. Love you all.

Joe's Crab Shack



Went there for dinner tonight. I hate it. I don't know why I go back. Too loud. Too extroverted. Too much of that "I-know-your-food-is-ready-but-first-let-me-do-a-ten-minute-line-dance-to-Wild-Wild-West" attitude.



Let's get crackin'

It had to happen someday...



Today I purchased a mini-van. I feel obligated to pretend that I hate mini-vans on the grounds that they are too suburban or too boring or too middle-agish...but my family could use a mini-van...so I bought a mini-van...



I hope you all will respect me in the morning.

Am I Behind?



We are all settling into the new house. Now four of the six of us grown-ups are blogging:

Me, Kelly, Kenny and Doug.



I feel behind. Behind at work, at home, with Saga, in life...I'm 30 and should be settling into a career or something, but I am remarkably less settled than I was when I was 23...I was 30 when I was 23 and now I'm 23 when I'm 30. My life is all bass-ackwards. But I must like it that way for some reason.



Going to have Cheyl's mexican feast now. Peace to you.

Hope International University



I'm leaving on a jet plane (cue music) tonight to teach a class at Hope. The class concerns church planting in a post-modern culture. It should be fun. I'll be back late tomorrow night.

Jasper



Jasper is a friend of mine from The Second City Training Center. We had lunch yesterday and it evolved into a very deep conversation regarding Christianity. What struck me the most about our conversation was one sentence that Jasper said. "I think the problem with modern Christianity is that the church is married to politics, and capitalism, and the American Dream." I was blown away at how obvious this was to a guy who hasn't been in the church system. I told him that when I say those things within the church I often get attacked. "Sounds like you're a prophet of sorts. Do they still have those? Maybe your a prophet with a little "p."



We talked some more about Buddhism. He's very interested the inward strength and peace associated with it...and so am I at some level. He encouraged me and said that he wished he had a rudder in his life like my faith was to me. At the end he told me that I was funny and should keep acting. We both seemed to leave a little deeper and more joyful than when we came into the restaurant.



I'm not sure, but I think we might have been to church without realizing it.

First Normal Day



Today is my first day back to work after the big move. Overall things are going very well. Still lots of boxes and minor issues to sort out...but a great experience thus far overall. I have loads of e-mails and phone calls to return, so be patient if you are one of them! Peace to you and yours.

A Big Week



This is it. We are moving into the new house on Thursday. I'm excited on many levels and a little anxious as well. Mainly, I love the opportunity to restructure my life. Whenever I move it makes me want to exercise, to pray, to write, to organize, etc..



There's a good chance that I will not be blogging much this week, so you'll have to forge ahead without me. If you are a Vegas friend, we could use some help moving this Thursday. Just give me a buzz...there's free pizza and beer for the movers...and of course, the satisfaction of moving three families into one house. It's like a reality show only not a show...yeah, that's it...the gift of reality to all who wish to carry my bed, TV and blender...



Peace to the restless. Courage to the fearful. Joy to the empty souls...my blessing this week to you.

Ten Questions



My answers to the ten questions at your right ---------->

Feel free to answer them yourselves. They are stolen from James Lipton who stole them from somebody else...



1. Yes.

2. Cancer.

3. A new idea.

4. Ignorant criticism.

5. A push lawnmower from a distance.

6. My wife's cell phone ring.

7. "Damn" used as a second adjective, as in "a hundred damn dollars"

8. Actor.

9. Entomologist

10. "I'm real."

Blaine



Blaine is a buddy of mine from my Second City classes. He's moving to NYC this week which kinda bums me out. He has been selected as one of the final five contestants for The It Factor on Bravo. I thought some of you might be interested in seeing him. Click Here.

Thought Fragments



I'm rather mentally manic these days. I have so many ideas of things that I want to be doing...but it has been hard to craft a lifestyle that allows for such things. Tomorrow is jam packed. I have two breakfasts. One with a leader from the Mennonite Conference at 6:00 am (Excited about meeting him-not so excited about the time.) A breakfast with Noah Blair at 10 am, a new friend from my acting classes. Lunch with Doug Parks before he leaves for a few months. Staff meeting in the afternoon and house church at night...there's a real good chance that I will not blog tomorrow.



My friends Greg and Jennifer are here from NY. We had a great dinner tonight. They'll be leading worship at Apex this weekend.



The new house is ten days away!!! I'm getting very excited now.



Thanks to those of you who responded to my last blog. Today was much better. Real peace to you, reader.

Us



We could use some prayer. Things have been tough for us as a family lately. We aren't in crisis or anything, just weary and frustrated. Parenting is very very hard work. Sometimes Debbie and I feel like we are the worst of the worst. The last few days our kids have been very hyper and demanding of both of us. We love them so much, but we are both getting drained and a little depressed. Please just ask God to sustain us. I think of what the Palmers and my brother and sister-in-law are going through with their cancers and I feel bad for complaining about my healthy family. I know that our trials are very normal and nominal, but we just need to break out of our sad funk. I figure if you care enough about me to read this silly blog, you'd probably want to know about the simple frustrations of my life as well!



Thanks all,



Joe

Eli's Questions



Two weeks ago Eli, my three-year old, asked me what water was made of. I was rather distracted trying to get him into his car seat so I answered without thinking. "Hydrogen and Oxygen." He said "What's hilgrigin and oxelgon?" "Basic elements," I said as I closed the car door. His question haunted me that day. More acurately, my answers bothered me. I am such a materialist...such a modern...such a practical atheist...a fact junky. What is water made of? I am convinced that every pre-modern culture that has ever existed has a damn good answer that involves a beautiful narrative of one of their own recieving water from the Divine. We think that we have the right answer...H2O. H20 is BS. Its a lie that we created to forget the story of what water really is. Water is made of love and life. That's the truth. It's a gift not a formula. I made a vow that day that I would try to answer the next difficult question as a spiritual being instead of some organic computer.



The next question came about four hours ago. Eli and I were on our way home from Walmart when he noticed the eclipse. (I knew it was happening but had forgotten to look.) "What's wrong with the moon, daddy?" "It's an eclipse, Eli." Crap! Here I go again. "What's an ekilps, daddy?" It was all I could do not to explain planetary rotation, natural satellites and the moon as a reflective body. I searched my brain for a story...nothing came to mind until Eli spoke again. "I think the moon has a moon-blanket on cause he's cold." I said, "Sounds good to me, buddy. It is really cold on the moon right now." "Yeah...and the moon is far away...farther than Memaw and Papaw's house, huh?" "Yeah, really far," I answered.



We arrived home about five minutes later and Eli told Mommy, "The moon has a blanket on." She stared bewilderingly at me..."There's an eclipse tongiht." I had to translate truth into fact for her. Now if I could just learn to do the opposite for Eli.

The Day After



I have been noticing some less than favorable reviews of Matrix Reloaded starting to emerge on the web. I think lots of people were let down. I wasn't. I thought it was great. I love the mythos most of all. For some reason I was really pulled into the love story as well. I actually left believing that Trinity and Neo were in love, which never happens for me in a romantic comedy.



So there, I am a geek. I loved Matrix Reloaded.

Joe and Phil's Book Club



My friend Phil and I will be reading Henri Nouwen's Clowning in Rome for the next few weeks if anyone wants to join in the fun. I probably won't get started until Monday. It's short and most people find Nouwen easy to read.

Excuse My Blogdust



I've added a few new things over here ---->

Go Reds!



Well I thought that the season was shot...but my Cincinnait Red Legs have won five in a row and are back to 500. I'm looking forward to catching a game at the new ballpark this summer on our trip back home to Ohio. I used to be primarily a football and college basketball fan. The older I get, the more I like baseball. Maybe it's Greg's influence, or maybe there is just something very soothing and, dare I admit, American about it. More realistically, maybe it is because I am a Bengals fan.

A Midsummer Night's Dream



My friend Heather Burdette is in this play, if anyone is interested...



Summerlin Centre Community Park

(1800 Town Center, Town Center & Charleston)



May 15, 16 & 17



Gates open at 5:30pm

Greenshow at 7:30pm, Shows at 8:00pm



Tickets are $12.00 for the General Public, and $8.00 for Summerlin residents.



Tickets may be purchased in advance at the Summerlin Home Finding Center next to the park, Thursday through Monday from 10:00am to 6:00pm,

or at the gate on show days.



Call (702) 791-4412 for more information!

Discipline



It's a funny thing with me. For a few years now I have been struggling with living a disciplined life. All of sudden I have noticed a change. It all started about a week ago. I cleaned my workspace in the office. It had been almost a year since I really cleaned it. I threw away a ton of stuff and filed things from last year. A few days later I cleaned my car, got an oil change and replaced my wiper blades. The next day I started eating better. (This day coincided with my fat blog.) The next two things are biggies: 1. Going to the dentist for the first time in a long time. (I'm too ashamed to say how long its been.) and 2. Getting back into a daily pattern regarding some spiritual and physical exercises. I will tackle those next week.



I was struck by a verse at a church that I attended last night. "Whatever you do, work at it with all of your heart, as if working for the Lord." There is something in it for me. I am repelled by it a bit, because years of "working for the Lord" had left me battered and tired. But I was drawn to "whaterer you do" this time. I think that I am ready to see what Col. 3:23 means in this new resurrected life. I am excited about the possibilities.

And Gene...



Meet my buddy Gene.

Fresh Meat



Let us all welcome Greg Hubbard to the family.

I'm Fat



I know what some of you are thinking, but this is way past vanity. I'm just so tired of carrying these twenty extra pounds with me everywhere I go. I know about 100 different things that I can do to lose the weight. I have battled with obesity since I was about six years old. I was fifty pounds heavier than I am now when I graduated from high school. I know how to lose weight-eat less, exercise more. But damn it, I like fast food and I hate running and being naked with other men in the gym locker room.



So there it is. The one thing that I think every single day of my life but have never blogged. I don't know why I decided to share tonight. I guess that I am hoping that it will give me what I need to order egg beaters at my 7:00 breakfast tommorow. I know what I don't need: Don't tell me I'm not fat...I won't believe you. Don't tell me I am fat...that pisses me off. Don't tell me your diet plan...I've probably tried it about five times. Just know that my entire childhood existence was full of fat jokes and that if I weighed 80 pounds, I'd still be the fat kid on the inside. (Dr. Phil, emergency on Blog 29...) Crap, now I'm being the fat kid who uses humor to cover the pain!



So this is what I tell myself: Jesus loves thirty year-old guys who are still hurting from the insults of third grade. He loves me and is probably fine with my bonus 20 pounds. But still, I want to take my kids swimming this summer without being embarrassed. So, I'll take dry wheat toast with those egg beaters in the morning and get my butt back into the gym.

Nothing Too Profound



Today was the last class of level two in my Improv. training with Second City. Phase three will begin in mid-June. I'm still really enjoying the process and the people. This year has been remarkably joyful and meaningful in virtually every area of my life. I have just started to get very excited about the new house that will be finished May 28. Everything is a go.



I'm taking a workshop on Comedy writing with Mike Lukas who is a stand-up comedian who used to be a part of SC here in Vegas. All of us Saga-types have been working hard on our Comedy Show which will likely be August 22 and 29. So its all about being funny in Joe's life right now. Which is cool for me, but rather frustrating to my wife at times.



Apex feels right. I was overwhelmed with love for everyone at the Gathering this week. We are all praying for God to send some people to us who are as screwed up as we were when we found Apex. It feels like we are finally ready to grow again...



Who knows where we will end up, but the journey has been amazing of late.

Mutant Joe



Hey Heather,



I'm Prof. X. How freakin cool am I?



Click here to find out what X-man you are...

Creativity



I aint got it today. If you were to come up to me and ask, "Are you a creative person?" I would say, "yes" without even thinking. I've always been told that I am creative, witty, clever, ruggedly handsome...you know. This week has been bone dry in the inspiration department. The crawling-man-looking-for-water-in-the-desert kind of dry. No new ideas. No funny thoughts. No manic screenplay concepts. No creative pain or torment. No energy to write or blog. Just blah. I think that I love improvisation because it is reactionary and not premeditated. Creativity is not an option when someone walks up to you and says, "Doctor, look at this x-ray..." I think that geekly role playing games like D&D are good for this too. It's been a long time, but I'd like to play again sometime.



I learned today that, for me at least, sitting down to be creative is like lying down to go to sleep...it only works if you are sleepy. Speaking of sleepy...I might go take a quick nap before my next appointment.

Home Again



My wife and kids are due home in a few hours. They are in the air as we speak. I have really missed them the last few days. Bachelorhood is fun for a day or two, but it wears off quickly.

Top Five Celebrities I Wish Blogged



5. Brad and Jennifer (together)

4. Bono

3. David Letterman

2. Peter Jackson

1. Jack Black

Lonely In Las Vegas



MWM seeks MWF in Scottsburg, Indiana for life-long relationship and joint custody of two children.



My family has just left me for a week to visit Memaw and Papaw in Indiana. I will miss them, but I know that they will have lots of fun...and I can hang out with my single friends this week until all hours.



Also, my friend Heidi will hate me for this, but you all should read her blog, cause she's the smartest bohemian ex-showgirl I know. She's also one of my closest friends.

Earth Day



Today is Earth Day...how sad is that? Mother Earth gets 1/365th of the year. I've been reading a lot of native american mythology lately. We have so much to learn from them about respecting creation. I'm a big fat hypocrite because I only recycle when its convenient, I drive an SUV thats out of alignment and I haven't planted anything since first grade...but we all pretty much suck at the whole "take care of the garden" mandate. Joseph Campbell says that Christians don't care about the earth because our creation story states that we are superior to nature. Nobody has taught me more than Campbell this year, but I have to disagree. Christians don't care about the earth because they think its not spiritual enough to worry about. They prefer Plato's physical/spiritual divide over Christ's hebraic harmony of Heaven present and yet to come...but they don't even know their doing that.



I'm gonna pick up a piece of trash tomorrow and feel better about myself.

Thura



I went to a house church tonight called Thura. It was very encouraging and I laughed a lot. We had dinner outside and spent the rest of the night sitting around the table and asking/answering silly questions, exegeting Fight Club, and talking about the true nature of church and mission. I am very proud of them.



On a different note, I sense a blogging revolution afoot. Many of my close friends here in Vegas have started to blog or are preparing to start one. They all ask me how to do it, and I have to admit that my friend Kevin set mine up, so I haven't the foggiest. It is interesting how it is spreading from person to person, though. I haven't asked anyone to blog, but they want to. There is a deep lesson about the way the gospel spreads in all of this...I just haven't quite figure it out yet.



Here's to Thura and the Blogging Revolution!

It's All About Me



My buddy Gregg has posted a picture of me from last week's show. You can see it on his blog.

Easter



Nothing shows me that my life has changed like Easter weekend. This used to be the busiest, most exhausting weekend of the year when I was in big church world. Not so much anymore. Tomorrow I will sleep in until eight or nine and then go and study for a few hours. At 2:00 my house church is meeting at a park for lunch, and then we are having a short Apex service at 6:00, which I will be speaking at.



I find myself, as often is the case, very excited about my new life, while somewhat missing the old. I'll miss the rush of thousands of people gathering together for church. I'll miss the high of hundreds of people working together for a common goal. I'll miss the show. But I intend on not missing Jesus this year. I'll be looking for him tomorrow. Rumor is, he's still alive!

A MIghty Wind



My favorite comedy troupe is releasing a new movie this week. Check out the website for A Mighty Wind.

A Very Special Blog



Last night wrapped up the three show run of the Story of Jesus with Saga Storytellers. It was a great experience. Life has never felt truer than it does right now. I have been waiting until today to try to unpack some thoughts and passions that have been emerging within me over the last four months. Here goes...



I can clearly see how the decade of my twenties was a season of questioning and searching. This was primarily centered around issues of spirituality, theology and church. I am grateful for all of the lessons learned in that decade and even more grateful for all of the relationships that were formed in those years. I am the person that was created in those years. But, the time has fully come to transition into a new creature, building on those years as a foundation.



I am at peace with my faith. I have nothing left to try to prove in regard to church. To put it in a somewhat negative framework, I am done obsessing over church. I have seen all of the joys and frustrations of church life manifested in both simple and complex forms. I am a follower of Jesus...there I proved it to myself. I'm available to help others follow Jesus if they want my help. I cannot follow him alone, therefore I will always be in a covenant relationship with other followers. I will serve Jesus as a gospel seed planter and a teacher, because he has given me the ability to do those things. I will receive from my church anything that they are compelled to give me, including financial support, but I will not assume that I deserve such support for the rest of my days. I will encourage the church local, national and global because I have the opportunity to be a blessing. I will love, support and give my life to the Apex network because I love the people there and they are my family.



I will not, however, try to force the church into my image. I will not believe the lie that my identity is associated with the appearant success or failure of the church to which I belong. I will trust God to build his Kingdom on earth. I will trust Him to turn the hearts of men, women and children to himself. I believe in Soveriegnty. I will be faithful to my Father, the Perfect Architect, by keeping my childish hands away from the blueprints of Heaven. Today I say: I am a Christian waiting for the full expression of the Kingdom of Heaven...and that is enough.



All of this brings me to a deep realization regarding the concept of a calling or vocation. I have said time and time again that "I have been called to" various ideas, people, causes, or places. Looking back on all of those statements, I see how those feelings were by and large stating that "I have been called to Jesus, therefore, I am called to"...whatever the idea of the moment was. If I was called to anything over the last decade, the calling was to Jesus. It took me a long time, but toward the end of last year, I finally accepted the calling. I was converted. I am a Christian.



Almost immediately, a new vocation or calling begin to emerge. This one felt different than the first. The first calling, to Jesus, had not passed, but a new secondary call was emerging...and it was in no way what I could have expected. I expected a "call" to simple churching or church planting, but somehow those things were just part of my general call to Jesus. For me to follow Jesus, I must understand church as simple, organic and reproductive. Because I have been called to Christ, I am called to seeing every moment with others as an expression of church.



Through the strangest series of events this year, my calling, or what the ancients would call their Christian vocation, became evident. I am preparing to devote my life to the people of the performing arts. Not to the art per se, but to those souls in my city and abroad who act, sing, dance, write, direct, and produce. I want to serve them, to love them, to listen to them and to share my life and faith with them. They are my Ninevah, my Rome, my Ethiopia. I could go to a million different people, and to this point in my life I have, but God has finally opened the door of my heart to a tribe that needs him. I must obey.



I finally understand why Henri Nouwen left everything to be with the physically challanged. Why Mother Theresa left everything to be with the poor. Why Patrick left everything to be with his captors. Why Francis left everything to be with the lonely. Why Paul left everything to be with the pagans. Why Jesus left everything to be with sinners. Because they loved them. I have found a people that I cannot help but love. They deserve my life. I must go to them...to love them, not to change them.



This realization has made me eerily happy. Perhaps it is joy. Perhaps it is the resurrection that only follows death. I have dreaded turning 30 for ten years, only to find the first stages of life, freedom and peace at this time of my life.



I cannot honestly know what this calling will mean to my daily life, but I am not afraid. Saga is part of it, but only a part. God is in control and He will provide for his children.



Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ who has given us a new birth into a living hope.

Saga Article



The local newspaper did an article about Saga. Click here to read it. We are two performances down with one to go. It has been a great experience overall. I have many thoughts brewing to share soon, but today I'm just tired.



I had a great birthday party last night at the Hookah Lounge...thanks to all who came.

Life Goes On...



I must admit that I have had very little to say in the old blog of late. Things are going well. Its been a few weeks since I've had any major thoughts worth sharing with the world. The Apex Gathering has moved to a new place that feels very good. We are taking almost 50 people to Long Beach this weekend for a Greenhouse Retreat. I've been spending most of my free time rehersing for the Saga shows next week. Tomorrow is the dress rehersal. Looks like we are coming up on 500 tickets sold.



Our house is set to close May 29. The Parkers still need to sell their house, so please be praying about that.



I start level two of Improv Classes next Monday through Second City. Most of my classmates will be moving on, so it will be cool to continue to hang with them.



I turn 30 on April 9.



I started reading Joseph Smith today...



This concudes my meaningless fact sharing.

Surfs Up



A few things of note: The Saga website has been revised thanks to Gregg Stokes.



And...CNN.com has a story about War Blogs. Click Here.

Ticket Sales



Ticket sales for the Jesus event begin in earnest tomorrow. (We have embedded journalists in the ticket booths this year for closer coverage.) A little midwar humor for you. We will be selling tickets at Canyon Ridge this weekend and The Crossing next weekend. I'm praying for 600 to come from these weekends...If you have any ideas/contacts for selling tickets, shoot me an email.

War



"War is hell, but it makes for great television." I found it interesting that the CBS War coverage was interupted last night for Survivor. Fox delayed, but eventually showed American Idol. Pseudo-reality abounds in news and entertainment. War is now unreal enough to make good TV and TV is now unscripted enough to feel real. Somehow, its all the same...unless you are the guy dropping the bomb or the mother of the soldier the bomb lands on, then war still sucks.



I still think that I am a pacifist, but I don't agree with any of the reasons that most pacifists give for being against war. I am against war because it is such a good thing. It is so powerful that it allows human beings to believe in themselves even more. It is really hard to support a war without letting the mission of the war become the mission of your life. It is hard to support a war without worshiping some seemingly altruistic ideal other than God. Ultimately, it is hard for me to support a war because Jesus died on a cross when he could have called down an angelic army and had at it. It's hard to support a war between nations when I am already a soldier in a war agaisnt the powers at work in the world.



The tension comes when I have to acknowledge that there is part of me that is happy that this war might protect my children from violence in the future. I can trust God to protect me, but I still want the nation state to protect my kids. God, give me faith.

Sean Critchfield



Sean is a friend of mine who is currently traveling with a Shakesperean theater company. He will be back in Vegas in April. I was able to talk with Sean for a few minutes tonight and it made me realize how much I miss having him around. He's doing good things with his life.

Our New Home



We should be moving to the new community house in 6-8 weeks. Click here to see the floorplan. Go to Ironwood model 430...

A Tribute to Fight Club upon completion of the book:



The problem with our generation is that we haven't had a Great Depression or a Great War, therefore we have made our lives depressing and violent.

I know this because Tyler Durden knows this.

I am Joe's troubled mind.

A New Day's Comin'



I am overwhelmed in a good way about all of the new things on the horizon.



1. The Apex Gathering is moving on March 30 to the Christ Lutheran Church building located at I-95 and Jones. That excites me for numerous reasons: it's more centrally located for our churches, the room isn't orange, it's much cheaper, it's seats 500 instead of 800 so the crowd will feel bigger, and it really seems as though God has mysteriously led us there. I also feel like we are closer than ever to figuring out the long term future of the Gathering. We are five weeks into a 16-week thing now which is going well, but I think the next run will be a breakthrough for us.



2. Saga officially kicks off in less than 30 days on April 7, 9 and 11. I am truly excited and a little nervous about it. Ticket sales start next week and I can see them going slower or faster than expected...its so hard to tell what will happen. No matter what, I am very pleased with the opportunity to work with my friends to pull it off. Saga has been a monumental source of joy in my life this year.



3. Our new house should be ready in late May or early June. We had a meeting with our housemates last week to voice some fears and expectations of our new life together. I know that it won't be easy to learn to live with eleven other people, but I also know that the opportunity for growth and joy in my life will be eleven times greater.



4. As I mentioned earlier, I have made some new friends through my acting classes. They say that they want to come to see the Saga event, which is very cool.



With all of these good things, I would ask for your prayers for my sister-in-law Angie who is battling brain cancer, and has been for 8 or 9 years. It has been a source of sadness in our house of late, particularly with Deb.

Am I Having Fun Yet?



I have had the strangest reaction to my Second City improv. classes. I can only classify the emotion as "fun." I cannot remember ever enjoying something so much as I have these classes. (I just finished the fifth of eight sessions today.) Now, I know that I have had much deeper joy and fulfillment in other areas of life, but this is really high on the straight fun-o-meter. It's everything that I tried to make all of my other hobbies become. Here are the reasons why I like it so much:



1. I feel accepted there.

2. The people there seem to want me to work with them.

3. I just feel like one of the gang-most don't know that I'm a "pastor" yet.

4. It's freeing to take creative risks in a safe place.

5. I think a lot of my classmates understand the creative torment of an artist/philosopher type of person.

6. They all knew my name before the first class was over...and I knew all of them.

7. Overall, I feel like I'm pretty good at the actual improv. work.

8. They all compliment me, much more than most of my Christian friends.



I'm sure there are some other reasons, but those were the first ones to come out. I find myself curious as to why the community there seems so much stronger than many of the churches that I'm trying to help out. Makes me wonder if we Christians are just too serious sometimes...or if maybe its easier to feel accepted at acting class because we can be less vulnerable and hide our personal stuff behind the art. I'm sure that my new friends need Jesus, but i was floored to find out how much I need them. These twelve relatively pagan people have taught me more about church than any book I have ever read...maybe God will let me bring Jesus into the community somehow. I'm going to invite them to the Saga Jesus Show in April. Please pray about that.

For Doug Citizen and Tommy



I stole this from my friend Miah...Click here if you are a Star Wars Geek.

Primm, Nevada



There is a little town, if you can call it that, on the Nevada/California stateline called Primm. It is actually just a collection of three Casinos, an outlet mall and a McDonalds. Most of the major decisions for Apex have been made in Primm because that is where we traditionally do our staff and elder retreats every year. I just returned from an overnighter with Greg and Jeremy discussing the current state and the future of Apex. I am excited to see what will come of our discussion.



God bless Primm!

Saga Update



Things seem to be coming along rather well with Saga, our new storytellers association. About ten people have agreed to serve as volunteers within Saga. They are all my close friends and I'm very excited about working with them. My buddy Gregg Stokes (who blogs, but not nearly enough) is helping with some publicity and web development. We have a domain name now (www.sagastorytellers.com) It's just some very basic information until we can get it designed in the coming weeks.



The first show is set and I'm both nervous and excited about it. I hope we come close to selling out just so it will feel exciting and energetic. It feels very similar to getting ready for a new baby...you know that it will be good, but you have no idea how it will look or feel until it actually happens. I've never felt so simultaneously prepared and unprepared for anything as I have for starting Saga.



Things seem to be going better this year with Apex. I'm hearing some cool stories from the house churches and it looks like a Lutheran church in town will be offereing their building to us for our Sunday meeting at a very cheap rate. We still need to process if it is right for us, but it seems as though God may be opening a door with them. Apex hasn't really been close at all to making budget so far this year. It has been a weight of sorts to try to figure out what that means for those of us who are supported financially from the network. If things remain status quo we will need to make some significant staffing adjustments in 9 months or so. I'm not really worried about it. I know that it could turn around overnight, or that it may be God prompting us to change some things. Only time will tell for now. We could use some prayers in that direction.

Steve



My friend Steve has started a church in his house that is getting ready to plant. I'm very excited about what God is doing through him these days. He is a professional artist. Check out his website if you want.

This Weekend



We had a very productive first meeting for people interested in actively helping Saga develop. Lots of very close friends in the room. If felt very exciting.



Also, we have many friends visiting right now. Mike Steel and John White are here from Colorado, Brent and Tari from Montana, Jonathan and Jennifer from Dayton and some friends from my house church who moved to Phoenix were at the Gathering last night. It's all been sort of overwhelming. I wish that I could have spent more time with each of them. (I forgot, my friend Sean is also passing through town with his theater company.) Too many friends, too few hours this week.



I suppose that is a good problem to have.

St. Valentine



I've heard a few different stories about the real man behind the candy hearts and Hallmark millions...click here if you are interested to read a short essay about Valentine.

Central



I just had a positive meeting with Gene Appel from Central Christian Church about supporting the first Saga performances in April. For those of you who don't know Gene took a job to help lead some church in Chicago...Click here if you want.

Rain



It has rained all day here in Vegas. We get about three inches per year, so it's a big deal when it rains at all, but today has been abnormally wet. I miss the rain. Today has been nice. I'm going to sleep now...my favorite thing to do when it rains. (Or when its not raining for that matter.)

State and Main



I watched State and Main two nights ago on cable...it was really good. It made me realize that William H Macy is groovy and that Philip Seymour Hoffman really is a freakin great actor.

Saga



Ok...here it is. The big announcement.



I have started a new business (a non-profit) with my friend and future housemate Kenny Parker called Saga Storytellers Association. It exists to preserve and advance the art of storytelling. This idea was conceived during my December sabbath as a way to publically (and someday professionally) use the gifts and abilities that God has given me (and my friends). Many of my gifts lie in the areas of creative writing, storytelling, performing and producing events. I also seem to have at least a capable business mind. That is a great, nearly perfect gift mix if you want to start the next Willow Creek! The problem is that God has obviously called me away from doing church with a perfomance/business model...I think that I honestly thought that He would therefore somehow change me...by changing what I was good at or what I like to do. He didn't. This was a deep inner frustration for me leading into my recent time away.



The very simple, yet very new, understanding that emerged was that I can still be a performer and a businessman as well as a simple church planter and leader within Apex. In essense, God showed me that I could do the things that I used to do in "church" outside of "church". The proverbial icing on the cake was the realization that these things can also in a subtle and mysterious way advance the Kingdom. This idea has freed my mind to see that I can or cannot be paid by Apex and still be true to my simple church calling.



Saga is NOT a religious thing. It is a non-profit organization that will influence Noth American culture to develop a lust for storytelling and narrative truth. (I will blog soon about why we as Christians want the culture to make this shift.) The gospel will simply be told along side other stories. Those of us who follow Jesus know that his story has a way of elevating itself above other stories...but that will need to happen as Jesus' story is simply told and left standing.



Our plans for the next 18 months are aggressive and incredibly exciting. Please pray for this business as we trust that God will bless it if it honors him. We see four major areas to develop in Saga over the first few years: 1. Simple Storytelling Events 2. A Theater Company 3. A Film Studio 4. Education about Story and Storytelling



Saga will launch in early April as I present "The Story of Jesus", a 90 minute monologue based on the book of John. Mark your calenders if you care:



April 7, 9, and 11 at the Clark County Theater in Las Vegas



We hope to sell 1,200 tickets for these events to launch this new vision into a reality. We are asking our local church friends (Canyon Ridge, Central, The Crossing and Apex) to help us promote this first event by seeing it at as a good opportunity for their members to invite a seeking friend to an event that is in no way a church service.



We are also planning on filming a few short films this year and preparing for a full-scale original musical in 2004.



So there it is...the whole thing. I am so excited about the new possibilites and a little frightened by it all. I'll need to learn so much about so many things...I would love the comments and advice of my friends...feel free to be a consultant via e-mail if you want. Also, if you have a rich uncle who won't give a dime to a church but would support the arts let me know.



Peace.

Freakin Cold



I am in Indiana at my in-laws house. We are wrapping up a four day trip to be here for my brother-in-law's ordination. Eli and Aidan saw snow for the first time this morning. Eli said, "Where did the grass go, Daddy?"



I explained that snow is God's punishment on the industrial midwest for years of killing innocent deer and deep-frying healthy vegetables...Looking forward to being home tomorrow.

Blah, blah, blah



I just returned from my first Improv class with Second City. It was very cool. There are 12 people in it, which seems to be a perfect size. I could see myselfing really connecting with many of them.



We are taking a short trip to Indiana this week to see Deb's family. It should be a good thing...cold, but good.



Read Tommy's latest blog if you know him...It made me happy.



Pax.

The Hours



I saw The Hours last night with Debbie. It was a great movie...I hated it. It hurt to watch more than any movie I have ever seen. I had dreams about it all night. Every character was me in one way or another. If you struggle with depression you may want to see it, but only if you are ready to face some things. I awoke between dreams last night with a clear and eerie understanding of the things in life that I know are real:



1. Doubt is real. It is a paradox, but doubting everything is the most fundamental and true thing about me.

2. Love is real. One of the few things that I doubt is that I love.

3. Pain is real. I also know for certain that I hurt. (Upon deeper reflection, pain may just be a part of love.)

4. Desire is real. I know that I want...I especially want to love and be loved...and I want to not have so many doubts.

5. Death is real. I will die and so will everyone that I love....the paradox here is that if death is real, so is life...and life, if real, must be lived fearlessly.



Where is God? I wish He were first on the list of things I know for certain, but He is not. He calls me to a faith beyond doubt to trust that He is the one who holds all of Life together. God, I believe. Help my unbelief.

Oh Hell



I have been reading a little too much Martin Luther of late...He was so messed up that I'm actually starting to feel better about myself. One thing that I have been noticing is his emphasis on death as penalty for sin. In essense, death is evil and not part of God's perfect design. To make it simply a passage from one reality into another benigns it too much. Theologically speaking, death sucks. There is nothing good about it. Luther's lack of attention to Heaven and Hell are also noteworthy, especially considering the popular notion that he was motivated by a fear of hell. His focus seems to be more along the lines that Death (the anticipation of, event of, and continuation of not living) is Hell. Heaven, then, is the hope in Christ that we will live again without fear of death after death has passed.



For some reason, thinking this way has made me despise and fear hell more (annihilation is so much more scary to me than eternal fire) and realize that I have all along been longing for heaven...if heaven is simply a secure and eternal life with God.



For a few of you this is heresy...so forget about it and pick up the new comic book series "Brath" by Crossgen...its pretty cool.

A Parable to Share



I wrote this today after reading John 15 and reviewing Henri Nouwen's book, Lifesigns.



House of Fear



Once upon a time there was an old man, a widower, who had two grown sons. The old man and his loving wife had raised their boys in a small, simple cottage overlooking a quiet stream. The house was small but rugged. It had weathered many storms and many years. The old man himself had built the house with his own hands many decades earlier and was quite proud of it.



It came to pass that the old man grew sick and called his boys to his bedside in the small, simple cottage. “My sons,” the old man said, “Your father is dying…and I am going to be with Momma soon. Everything that I have is yours. I have thought long and hard about how to divide the inheritance between you.” The old man then proceeded to give the small cottage and the furniture within to youngest brother, while the oldest brother was given the old man’s life savings, an amount considerably more than anyone expected. Both brothers seemed pleased.



It wasn’t long before the old man passed away and the younger brother moved back into the small simple cottage. He left the place just as it was, not wanting to disturb any of the memories of his youth or of his loving parents. He missed his father, but somehow being in the house made the pain more bearable.



The older brother, who loved his father but was always ashamed to have to live in a small, simple cottage, took his father’s money and constructed a very large and impressive house for himself. It was, by all accounts, a mansion…the biggest house in the entire town. It had dozens of bedrooms, two kitchens and a guesthouse three times bigger than the old cottage. The brother spent what was left of his father’s money furnishing the house with exotic and expensive items from all over the world. When the house was completed, the older brother held a huge banquet for everyone in town in his father’s memory. He quickly went deeply into debt as he tried to manage the affairs of his new house and his newfound popularity.



As the brothers began to grow older, they also grew apart and spent less and less time together. The younger brother found a good job at the mill and married a nice girl from the next town over. Before long, they also had two children, two boys of their own, who filled the simple cottage with love and kisses and lots of noise. Sometimes the brother would think about his older brother living in a large quiet house and he would wonder if he was happy. He would wonder why he never came to visit and if he was embarrassed to be seen in the old cottage after living so many years in the biggest house in town…most of the time, however, the younger brother just smiled and loved his life: his wife, his children and the gift of his father’s old house filled with a legacy of love.



Life was not as joyous, for his older brother. His life was busy…busy working at the office, busy socializing with the town leaders, busy keeping up the house, busy trying to scrape together enough money to pay the bills. He found his mansion to be quite cold and empty…and, above all, frightening. He hated to go home at night and would often sleep in his car so that he wouldn’t have to face the dreadful loneliness of such a big house. He would curse his little brother under his breath for being so simple-minded and naïve. He even began to hate his recently deceased father for forcing this life upon him by giving him so much money.



It wasn’t long before the older brother snapped. He lost his job and began sleeping on the overgrown front lawn of his house in a small tent. His friends all left him and the school children poked fun of him as they walked to and from the bus stop. His hair and beard became as wild and unkempt as the house he owned. His entire existence was miserable and he would lay awake at night in his tent hoping in vain that someone would just come and kill him and move into the dreadful house.



Early one morning, three visitors appeared among the weeds and trash surrounding the older brother’s tent. It was his younger brother, accompanied by two young men.



“Go ahead, boys. Introduce yourselves.” The younger brother spoke to his nearly grown sons. The oldest spoke for the both of them, “Hello, Uncle…we…that is…momma and dad says that if you want to come home…”



The estranged older brother looked up at that moment with tears in his eyes. He did not say a word, but began to cry and reach toward his brother.



The younger brother fell to his knees and embraced the weeping man. “My brother, come home. It is a small simple cottage, but there is room. The boys have agreed to share a bed and I’ve added a bathroom where mama’s roses used to be…there’s plenty of room.”



Through the tears, the older brother managed to speak, “Thank you, thank you. I am ready…I’m ready to go home.”



To this day the older brother’s mansion remains empty and unkempt as a memorial for all of the people in the town to the difference between a house and a home.

General Updates



It's been a good week thus far. I had a good lunch with my friend Shane Philip who is the pastor for The Crossing, a church that Canyon Ridge started the year before Apex was launched. Speaking of The Ridge, this Sunday is the tenth anniversary celebration and Debbie and I are planning on being involved in some of the festivities. It's rather odd to think that I was around for nearly seven years of the first ten...It will be good to reunite with some old friends this weekend. Even though I'm the "house church" boy that they don't totally understand most of the time, I sure am proud to be part of the extended family.



I have been wanting to write more this year and it looks like I am going to take a stab at a screenplay based on the life of Martin Luther...I'm rereading Here I Stand by Bainton along with a few other biographies to prepare. If you have any Luther stories or ideas that you want me to work in, just shoot me an email sometime.



My improv classes start next week and I am still very excited to see what they will be like. Hopefully they will be relational enough that I can make some new friends while remaining typically aloof...we'll see.



The boys are both a little under the weather, as is our roomie Chris...so some prayers in that direction might help.



25th Hour rocks.



We had a small but powerful house church meeting tuesday night...one of those obvious moments when God revealed his plan for our time together.



That's about all the news for now...peace to you.

I'm moving to Canada



I was watching the news tonight and saw something that troubled me enough to honestly consider renouncing my American citizenship. Sure, I have had issues in the past with my country, but this is something that I cannot imagine being able to deal with in the weeks to come. It is relatively current news, so if I have to be the one to break it to you, I am sorry...



Kangaroo Jack is the #1 movie in America. God help us all. (Click here at your own risk.)



Seriously though, if you were one of the people who forked over 17.7 million American greenbacks to see this movie please e-mail me and tell me what the hell you were thinking. (On second thought, just don't let me know...I'd rather us stay friends.)

Something is Wrong



Peace and Joy...we cannot rightly proclaim the Christian message without bursting with peace and joy. God, something is terribly wrong with us.

As I look back on my life I see struggle and pain and definate growth and transformation...I see the cross and Joe hanging on it....but peace? joy? Man, I need a Savior...That's it...I need a Savior. Why do I feel sick to my stomach everytime someone says "Jesus saves?" Because I think they don't get it? Or because I'm still somehow running from the idea? Jesus saves? He heals? He delivers? I'm just broken enough these days to have to believe it. I am so glad that Peter answered when Jesus asked the 12 if they would abandon him just like the 5,000 full-bellied turncoats had. I'm glad Peter answered because he was honest: "No...we ain't leaving...we got nowhere else to go." I am even more glad that Jesus was perfectly pleased with Peter's answer. I got nowhere else to go today either.



Here's the kicker...I'm actually in a good mood today, just feeling ultra-honest...so you don't have to email me the name of a good shrink...save that for next week!



Jesus, keeper of the zoe-logos, save me.

Catherine Zeta Jones and Phil Webster



I saw Chicago tonight. It was very good...a high recommend. Along with Moulin Rouge, my favorite on screen musical...yes, better than Sound of Music...



and...my good friend Phil Webster has entered the blogging universe.

The Rock that is Higher: Story as Truth



I am only 50 pages into this Madeleine L'Engle book. So far it's GREAT! I'll keep you updated. Here's a quote:



"This (the story of Jesus) is the story that gives meaning to my life...and if it isn't story it doesn't work. The life-giving, lifesaving story is true story that transcends facts. There's been considerable interest lately in checking the Gospels and trying to decide what Jesus really said, what he might have said, and what he surely didn't say, and too often the result of such academic research is not illumination, but loss of story. For such academics, miracles have to go. The Resurrection has to go. The story gets edited unitl there's no life left in it and there's nothing worth believing in."

Rich



I was able to spend some time with Rich Mullins in my teenage years and his music is still my "heart music". This song has been an anchor for me for the last year:



Be With You



Everybody each and all

We're gonna die eventually

It's no more or less our faults

Than it is our destiny

So now Lord I come to you

Asking only for Your grace

You know what I've put myself through

All those empty dreams I chased



And when my body lies in the ruins

Of the lies that nearly ruined me

Will You pick up the pieces

That were pure and true

And breathe Your life into them

And set them free?



And when You start this world over

Again from scratch

Will You make me anew

Out of the stuff that lasts?

Stuff that's purer than gold is

And clearer than glass could ever be

Can I be with You?

Can I be with You?



And everybody all and each

From the day that we are born

We have to learn to walk beneath

Those mercies by which we're drawn

And now we wrestle in the dark

With these angels that we can't see

We will move on although with scars

Oh Lord, move inside of me



And when my body lies in the ruins

Of the lies that nearly runied me

Will You pick up the pieces

That were pure and true

And breathe Your life into them

And set them free?



And when You blast this cosmos

To kingdom come

When those jagged-edged mountains

I love are gone

When the sky is crossed with the tears

Of a thousand falling suns

As they crash into the sea

Can I be with you?

Can I be with you?

Story as Gateway to Wisdom



I gleaned this thought from a book I have been reading:



Facts draw a line in the sand and force people to take sides.

Stories build sandcastles and draw people into common discovery.



I saw the Las Vegas Second City Troupe tonight. They were great. I'm really looking forward to my upcoming classes with them.

This and That...and more of This



My lovely wife got me improv. acting classes for Christmas through Second City. (I'm not sure if that means she thinks I am a good actor or a bad one!) The classes start Feb. 3 and run eight weeks. I am very excited and a little nervous. It's supposed to be for real actors, but they are letting me in.



Kenny Parker, a good friend and roomie to be, and I have been thinking through an idea to start a new business in the performing arts arena. I hope to unveil it to all of you in a week or so. I am very excited about what it could become and the potential to see the gospel sneak into our local culture through the arts.



I had lunch with my life-long friend and mentor Kevin Odor today. He means so much more to me with every passing year and has taught me the true nature of humility and servant leadership.



Tomorrow my wife and I will celebrate eight years of marriage (our anniversary was dec. 31, but babysitters are hard to come by these days...) It has been a wonderful journey with her and I am so blessed to be accepted and loved by her. I hope to be able to drive her a little less crazy this year than last year!



Thanks for the e-mail, Heidi.

A Thought and an Obscure LOTR Reference



I have had a few people comment on my entry from Dec. 14 (see below if you want). I just want to say how tempted I am today to disbelieve all of that stuff...sometimes you just want to do what is easy. It seems easiest to just try to believe what everyone else wants you to believe...a constant temptation, but something in me just can't give in.



We must never forget...the ring wants to be found!

A New Blogger!



Hey everyone. My good buddy Tommy Peterson has started his blog. Click here to visit.

Go Bucks!!!



Having grown up about five miles from The Ohio State University I feel an obligation to gloat, gloat, gloat...



Right, Jerry?

Sabbath Day 34



This is it! The last day before heading back to work tomorrow. I feel ready. My hope for this year is that it is fun...and risky. I hope that my friends will feel secure in my love for them and that those of us who have been called by God to share our lives together will love each other in a real and deep way. Tomorrow I meet with Greg and Jeremy to discuss some things that I have learned. Sunday is the same sort of meeting with an extended group of people from Apex. After last year I am a little cautious of things and almost expect some level of conflict to be everpresent in my life. I hope that God will take this cup from me for a while. I want some time to just enjoy my life and my calling with those who fully desire to live life with me.