Immersion

The best things of life are really only learned through immersion. Drowning in something is always the best way to learn about it - assuming, you know, that you don't actually die in the process. For example, I had four years of Spanish classes in high school and another year in college. The problem is that I still can't really speak Spanish. I normally can't understand it either when someone speaks to me. I can sort of read it - I can usually understand two of every three words and put the rest together like a puzzle.

If I really wanted to learn Spanish there is only one guarenteed way - to move to Mexico or another Spanish speaking nation and actually live there. I'm sure my Spanish would improve exponentially as I tried to swim (stay alive, not drown) in a new culture.

Five days ago I decided that I would immerse myself in the Bible in a new way. I decided to plow through at a somewhat reckless speed to see what I felt like on the other end. I don't think this is the best way to study it, nor do I think it is the best way to meditate on it. However, it may be the best way to drown in it. I set a goal of ten days to finish. I have certainly read other books of that length in ten days, so I am not sure why it feels so difficult. Today is day five and I have just finished 1 Samuel. (I'm behind schedule, but I do have a four hour flight scheduled on day ten, which is my Ace in the hole.) I have to say that from Adam to Saul the story is really bloody, often harsh and filled with strange supersticious activities. It is exceedingly clear that Yhwh does whatever he wants, to whomever he wants, for whatever reason he wants. He kills a lot of people and everytime he does, I recoil from him. His people cannot seem to ever be faithful to him regardless of what he does and that bothers me too. The heroes are, for the most part, a little prickly and severly flawed. It is without doubt the story of a god who claims to be The God and his people, a homeless nation called Israel. I find it interesting that The God seems to care a whole lot more about menstration, poop and fungus than other things. He doesn't seem to be overly concerned at all with monogamy, for instance. I told my wife this and she stared at me like she tends to do when I get like this. He does seem to care a lot for displaced foreigners, barren women and oppressed people.

Today I came upon David and he feels a little different than the others. He seems to be experimenting with grace, particularly toward some of his enemies which has gotten me all excited and ready to be a pacifist again. He also seems to be trying to love Yhwh instead of just trying to obey him. I find that interesting as well.

I'll shoot you an update in a few days somewhere in the Psalms or Prophets. It is strange that I know exactly what is ahead of me, but I have been ruthless with myself in reading the text as if for the first time with new eyes to see the story in a new way. Here's hoping for some great new revelation in five and a half days...if not, maybe just the joy of having drowned in a collection of 66 unique ancient texts and being able to live to tell about it.

Happy 8th Birthday, Eli!

A Blessing on Your Birthday:

May love and laughter light your days,
and warm your heart and home.
May good and faithful friends be yours,
wherever you may roam.
May peace and plenty bless your world
with joy that long endures.
May all life's passing seasons
bring the best to you.

Recent Photos...

Improvisation as Spiritual Reality

I am an improviser. This is my primary identity as an artist. I am an improviser before I am an actor, writer, director or producer. I believe in the rules of improv:

1. "Yes/And" - Always agree to what your partner says and add something to the story.
2. Listening is more important than talking.
3. Be Selfless.
4. Find the game...and play it.
5. Help your partner.

I believe in improv as an artform because I also believe the above rules work amazingly well in every area of life. I think they are spiritual.

I just finished reading a little book by Mark Batterson called In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day. At one point he claims that improvisation is foundational to a life of faith. In essense, that faith teaches us to improvise through life more than giving us the "script" for a perfect existense.

I had another thought today in that regard. We took the kids down to Newport Beach after dinner and spent an hour or so walking around. I was captivated by the birds (sea gulls?) that hover above the ocean and then dive nose first at full speed into the water to catch a fish. I had this thought that "that's what they do." I thought of other animals and how all animals do something special and beautiful like that. I quickly found myself thinking about what an outsider would look at the human animal and say "that's what they do." (This is all going on in my head as my kids are throwing sand at each other and annoying tourists...) I looked around and watched us - all of us humans. We were surfing, sun bathing, fishing, running, selling and buying. I saw the residue that we leave behind - beach houses, pizza shops, volleyball nets, boardwalks, hotels, parking lots, etc. It occured to me that we, the human animal, improvise. It's simply what we do. We take all of the things that the birds ignore while they finish their scripted lives and we do something else with them. We turn trees into piers, cotton plants into string bikinis, cacti and limes into margaritas, stones into sidewalks and metal into massive moving motor vehicles. We don't adapt to our environment so much as we adapt our enironment. We create. We improvise. Why? Because that's just what we do. But why is that what we do?

Because...In the beginning God improvised....and then he grabbed a chunk of dirt and improvised something in his own image. He created a community of improvisers and said YES, AND be fruitful and multiply.

Rich Mullins meets Youtube

A few months from now will be the tenth anniversary of the death of a friend. When we knew each other I was a teenageer and he was about the age I am now. I can't say that we were great friends but he always remembered my name and the names of my friends. He would spend a few weeks every year with my group of friends and we would just hang out, ski, and sing together. I believe that he subconsciously influenced what I believe about God more than any other teacher of my youth. I stumbled upon all of the same authors that influenced him shortly after his death. I would doubt that one week of my life has gone by without listening to his music. It is my heart music. Deb used to make fun of me for listening to his early eighties albums because they are full of cheezy organs and are rather poorly produced. They haven't held up so well, but the lyrics generally have.

Rich Mullins was the first Rebel Pilgrim that I ever met. He had issues, but he had perspective. He loved the poor and he loved being with us kids more than the adults. He gave most of his money away and wasn't afraid to let God change his views. He smelled like incense and rarely bathed. I miss him and my biggest regret is that he died before I could have one last talk with him to let him know that I finally understand what he was always trying to teach me.

I found Rich on youtube tonight. You can look him up there too. It was emotional to see him again and a little odd to see how similar I have become to him as a teacher. Here's ten minutes of vintage Rich for you. He speaking to a group of evangelical Christians in Texas. It's fun to watch him masterfully critique them while they laugh as if he is kidding. Enjoy...

So, It's June...

I started a new Lifelines series going through the book of James tonight. I think I made it through about five verses in 45 minutes, so we may be there for a while. I have come to enjoy teaching more of late. It has been a constant in my life through the years regardless of whatever else I may be doing.

It has certainly been the slowest season yet as an actor. I haven't had an audition for a few weeks. I haven't gotten out yet with my new agent, but TV has shut down for the summer and things tend to slow down. I'm not really discouraged about it, but it is obviously slower. Things with my own project continue to grow and morph. It ebbs and flows on a daily basis. By all accounts it is in a good place, however uncertain at the moment.

The kids have less than three weeks of school and then summer will be upon us. I am happy for them, though it makes our day to day schedules much more unpredictable when they are home. Eli turns eight in two weeks, which is insane. I made the biggest decision of my life when I was eight and it formed me into who I am today...it will be fun to see what this year holds for him.

My Wife is Hot

Here's a picture exposing our true selves...thought you would enjoy. I know that Debbie will love that it is posted on the world wide web.

It looks like we have some positive movement on the film I'm producing...I can't share anything publically yet, but hope to be able to next week.

I enjoyed teaching at The Crossing last weekend and you can listen to it via podcast on their website at www.thecrossing.com.

An Agent, A Legacy, A Season and A Theology Book

I'm signing with a new agency tomorrow: Susan Nathe and Associates. I've been agent-less for about two months since leaving the old place. I'll be interested to see how much I start getting out again. I've gotten used to my current pace of life without as many auditions. It is my job, though - so, back at it!

I'm teaching at the weekend services this weekend at The Crossing. It's hard to believe it has been about a year since the last time. The topic centers around life and death - and the idea of "legacy." I'm very much looking forward to it.

T-ball wraps up this week for Aidan. It has been a good experience for him. I think some of his grandpa's athletic ability skipped a generation and found him. Having said that, it will be nice to have our Saturdays return to their regular lazy form. I like packing my days off with a whole lot of nothing whenever possible.

Still sensing a divine call to openness. Still re-reading some books that impacted me in my twenties. Today I re-read The Spirit of the Disciplines by Dallas Willard. I mark up books as I read them, so it has been fun to see the parts that impacted me six years ago vs. what caught my eye today. I dig Willard's soteriology and I hope he understands it correctly because I have pretty much adopted it as my own. Basically, that we are being saved everyday from ourselves and our world...

Old Friends

This month has been full of old friends. It's strange how there are seasons when the friends of your past all show up at once. We were especially surpised to hear from Kevin Rains and Dave Nixon from Vineyard Central in Cincinnati. It had been several years since we were together. Kevin and I did some traveling together a while back and Dave came to speak at Apex several years ago. Their church/urban monastery in Norwood has been a spiritual oasis for me for almost a decade. I used to escape there once a year to seek solitude and a change of pace. We are due for a visit.

I've also heard from several other friends and mentors from all over the world. It seems like God is placing our story on people's hearts...not exactly sure why, but it feels nice to be remembered.

My work life continues to plod along - making progress everyday. We made offers to several actors this week for "Nuts." We have to just wait and see now. I've booked Monday and it will be nice to work in front of camera again - feels like it has been a while. As always, shall keep you all updated...

Being Open

About six weeks ago I fell into a state of openness. I can think of no other word but that to describe it. I awake every morning with a willingness to take each day as it comes and an expectation that God is about to do something. It has been a very healthy and peaceful journey. It started the week before Easter, for no clear reason. It has brought me back to many of the things that shaped me over the last decade - Authors like Henri Nouwen, Brennan Manning and Jean Vanier; mentoring relationships that I let grow dorment; and above all, a simplicity of prayer/spirituality that I have been missing for maybe half a decade.

Things move forward in my life. The weeks pass faster in my thirties than they did in my twenties. My days are full of phone calls regarding the film I am making and my evenings are full of T-ball games, teaching Eli multiplication and an occasional Tivo guilty pleasure. (I'm part of the 50% that hasn't given up on LOST yet...and I correctly picked the American Idol Final Four about 8 weeks ago, though I have no written proof.)

I've booked a few industrial videos down here in Orange County, so it has been nice to work close to home. I have a gig for Toastmasters coming up next week. Hitting the Nuts (my movie) keeps wanting to grow in scope. Making a movie is a long, tedious process, but it has been a very good thing or me to tackle at this point in my life. It will be worth it when we are shooting - hopefully later this summer.

Looking forward to seeing what the coming days hold...trying to stay open.

Idol Gives Back

I am a semi-closeted American Idol fan. Debbie and I watch it after the kids go to bed. I am nothing if not cynical. Most of my humor as a teacher and comic come from my uncanny ability to be cynical and skeptical of everything. The greatest compliment I can give to the "Idol Gives Back" effort this week is that I was never cynical throughout the process. I was actually very proud of everyone involved.

I have said before that Bono is a brilliant theologian and that I truly believe he understands the reality of the Kingdom Among Us more than most. I respect that he has been able to pull so many people together through the ONE campaign while keeping his day job as a rock star. I've linked ONE.ORG to my blog (my first ever "banner") I've also signed the declaration on the ONE website and invite you to do the same.

A Tale of Two Kingdoms

Last Night at Lifelines I read the first half of a fairy tale which I wrote about six years ago entitled "A Tale of Two Kingdoms." Several people asked for a copy, so I have created a new blog site at www.tommyandmary.blogspot.com which contains Book One in its entirity.

It is intended to be a children's story and also an allegorical account of my understanding of my faith at that point in my life. Were I to write it today it would be very different in parts, but I am happy to say that the underlying themes and most of the application points remain the same. I wrote the story at a time when I was somewhere between the rigid evangelicalism of my youth and my current, more "basilea" centered theology. If there is something that I am proud of (on a theological level) it is that the tension of the Kingdom being both present and yet to come is not compromised in the story. I will say that there are parts of the text that reflect the remnants of a "sin management" soteriology that I no longer fully endorse...but, hey, I was just a kid at the time :) Also, the second book of the story was started but not completed in 2002. I'm looking foward to revisiting it with these years under my belt to perhaps shed some light on my recent learnings.

Anytime I share it people ask about publishing. Obviously, I am not overly concerened about protecting the story since I have just posted in publically. If it is helpful to anyone, I am happy to share it. I am open to publishing as well, but know very little about getting a book published. Particulary a "children's book that is really for adults." I assume it is as much of a process as getting a movie made or booking a role as an actor and I have never had the drive to force it through to publishing. If someone reads it and thinks it has worth I would be happy to recieve help in getting it published.

Ultimately, as an artist, I am just happy to have it read again.

Brennan Manning

I read all of Brennan's books back in 1997 - hard to believe it was ten years ago. I have been going through some sort of spiritual transformation of late and was prompted to pick them up again. It is amazing, ten years later, how much of what I am re-reading has worked itself into the fabric of my life over the last decade. Unfortunately, it is also amazing how far I have drifted from the simple concept that my primary identity is that of a child loved by my Father. Though The Ragamuffin Gospel is his classic work, I am most drawn to Abba's Child this time around. Every page seems to remind me of something essential that I have recently lost and hope to recover. I rarely do this, but I thought it would nice to use the comment space here to initiate a discussion on Brennan and his work - how it has impacted some of you, etc.

Live from Kansas...

We are spending a few days in Kansas City with my parents. It's very COLD here! Last night it dropped to 17 degrees. Yikes. Other than that we are all enjoying our trip and the my parents' new pad. They have a small wooded area behind their house and the kids have spent most of their time back there despite the record cold temps. We went to church this morning for Easter and it was kind of interesting (in a good way) to be back in church in the midwest. Helped me to reflect on my spiritual journey, etc.

What do Anna Nicole, Craig Ferguson and Will Ferrell have in common?

The weeks are flying by lately. I feel like I just posted here, but it was a week ago. This week coming up includes our presentation at Warner Bros. for my film and a spring break trip to Kansas City to see my parents' new place. We are all excited to leave town for a few days and see them. I have an audition next week for the Anna Nicole TV movie - nice, huh? It's actually for Larry Birkhead, whom I don't think I look like at all. I was submitted for Howard K. Stern and they said I look more like Birkhead. It's all so crazy anyway. Nothing says "the next step up" from soap operas like a TV movie!

The new improv show "Thank God You're Here" airs on April 9. I have a feeling it's gonna be big. I had auditioned for it a while back along with several other improv shows coming out soon. I just auditioned for a new improvised pilot hosted by Craig Ferguson called The Wizard. Lots and lots of improv stuff out there and I'm hoping to land something fun.

Debbie and I have lined up a babysitter tonight, which can mean only one thing - Blades of Glory! Nothing like Will Ferrell in spandex on a Saturday night. The previews feel more like Anchorman than his last few comedies, and that is a very good thing as far as I am concerned. I'll let you know what I think afterward. I have happy comedy vibes right now though.

Doing Better

I can't believe it has already been one week since the afore mentioned dental tragedy. I'm doing much better now. It will take a few monhts to fix everything, but the cost turned out to be a bit less than my frustrated estimate. It also has inspired me to floss everyday and stay up to date with my other exams. (I made a trip into the eye doctor this week as well.)

I spent most of the week working on the film. Our second, and hopefully last, investor meeting will be at Warner Brothers on April 4th. That will be my primary focus until then. After that I hope to be able to turn my attention toward casting and directing. Several name actors are reading the script this week...I hope to have some exciting new soon.

My tooth fell out.

Last night. 10pm. Half-way through a Burger. Just fell out. I guess because I don't floss everyday? That seems to be the verdict. I spent over three hours today getting an emergency root canal.

Turns out it was a $3,000 burger.

So far, I'd rate this weekend a little below average.

Workin Man

So...turns out producing (and now directing) a feature film turns into a full time job. I'll be in an office either at Warner Brothers or at a place in Hollywood starting in less than two weeks. I haven't had office hours for about seven years, so that should be interesting. The commute may take a toll as well. Getting there should be fine, but coming home is sometimes a 2-hour nightmare.

It looks like we are going to come in around half-funded from the Las Vegas event, so we will be doing a similar presentation at Warner in a few weeks for socal people. I am very excited to move past the fund raising and focus more on directing, casting, etc. I have learned more than I ever thought I could through this process already and look forward to the next chapters.

I've only had two auditions in the last two weeks - one for Drive on Fox and another for a commercial. I worked a bit on General Hospital again playing the same character - no lines this time. This all seems to be working out, because there is no way I could be auditioning everyday and working on this film right now. I've had to limit my auditions to TV and commercial anyway since I can't book an extended film gig with this coming up in June.

Otherwise, the rest of our life seems to be in working order. My lovely bride has a birthday coming up Friday. I think she is officially old enough now that I'm not allowed to publish her age online. I'll just say that we will be the same age for three weeks before my 34th birthday on April 9th. So, yeah...she's turning 26 or something like that.

Happy Birthday Deb.

I'm on TV Tuesday Night

I have a co-starring role on American Heiress this Tuesday, March 13. It is the pilot episode of a night-time soap opera for My Network TV. I play one of the assitants to the main character and have about four lines. It is channel 13 in LA/OC...you'll have to check local listings to find out where it is on your dial.

Quickie

A lot of people are asking about the big investor's meeting in Las Vegas on Sunday. It went very well. We are still talking with lots of people and figuring out where we stand officially, but it was succesful by all accounts. I'll give you more info as it comes up.