Thursday, May 22, 2008

Cellulitis

I got the cellulitis. Not cellulite, but cellulitis. It's a disease. I'm sure I have some cellulite too...it just hurts less than my cellultis.

The good news is that it is now being cured, I hope, by antibiotics. Two nights ago I awoke in the middle of the night with chest pain. After ruling out a heart attack and self-diagnosisng heart burn I went back to sleep. My chest continued to hurt yesterday until I eventually grew an silver dollar sized lump under the left nip. It's since grown to tennis ball size. It feels like Chuck Norris round-housed my nipple. (I'm assuming we all know what that feels like.)

The doctor said it probably started with a rebel chest hair that decided to grow into my skin instead of out of it. My rugged manliness finally got the best of me. Darn chest hairs.

It could have been a bad thing if I had let it go for another week...but as it is, I have antibiotics and pain killers and the promise of relative health within ten days.

If only these magic pills cured my cellulite too.

4 comments:

Garrett said...

hm, nipple issues. That was very uncomfortable to read. Good luck being on the mend.

Speaking of chest hairs, I just shaved every single last one of mine off and went from looking like Austin Powers to a 9 year-old prepubescent boy. Very liberating. May be a mid-life crisis. I'm sure this was uncomfortable to read, as well.

Sandy S. said...

Way too much information; however, I am curious - have you purchased a bra for it yet?

KJ said...

Thanks for posting this Joe. It made me rea;ize that the red sore spot that appeared on my leg last night is probably cellulitis and I'm going to get it checked out this morning.

steg stories said...

It's pretty painful. I had it in my leg. Not fun-especially with it involving the manboob. Get well