Shall we kill a tree or support a sweat shop this Christmas?



We were supposed to go and chop down our Christmas tree today. (What can I say, I'm a hypocritical environmentalist!) We were about 20 miles from home when Eli tossed his cookies all over the minivan. So...we came home. We just returned from Walmart (what can I say, I'm a hypocritical human rights advocate!) with a $16 fake tree to put in our family room. It's hideously beautiful. It's like an obviously fake replica of the Charlie Brown tree. It's like a fraud print of "Dogs Playing Poker" on fake velvet. Classic.



Anyway, the Citizens are going to bring home a real tree for the downstairs tonight. That's the one all of the guest will see, unless you want to see ours...for a suggested $1 donation I'll get you into the back room.



Thanks to all of you who shared Thanksgiving with us: Kenny, Kelly, Jake, Gabriel, Doug, Chery, Emma, Loredana, Ernie, Nan, Katie, Sabrina and Pops, Flick, Amy, Dougie, Jennie, Greg, Rebekah, Tori, Mike, John, Kristi, Alex, Tommy and Meghann.

Thanks...



for my wife.

for my kids.

for my household.

for my journey.

for my parents.

for my life-long friends.

for my church.

for my mentor.

for my talents.

for my torment.

for health.

for acting.

for stories.

for the Bengals (6-5, Baby)

for rain.

for my troupe.

for enough money...this week.

for dead theologians.

for Rich's music.

for getting paid to pretend.

for Debbie's family.

for espresso.

for my shattered dreams.

for the ten pounds that I don't have anymore.

for poker, whiskey and cigars...in moderation, of course.

for my bed.

for loving me.

for being Father.

Next Saga Show Coming Soon



We only have 9 days until the opening of "A Christmas of Convenience", Saga's Christmas show. I am excited about it. If you live in Vegas please help spread the word. Here are the details:



Concept: Five strangers are held up and locked in the storeroom of a convenience store early Christmas morning.



Media: The project contains a short fim directed by our own Dale Neven and a 60 minute live theater piece directed by Gregg Stokes and myself.



When: Dec 5, 6, 7, 12, 13, 14 (Friday and Saturday shows are at 8 pm, Sundays are at 2 pm)



Where: The Nevada Theater Company. Click here for directions.



Cost: $10 or $8 for a group of 10 or more.



Reserve Tickets: Online at www.sagastorytellers.com or call 702-396-8447

Happy and Sad



I am grieving with Jeremy and Lori over the loss of their baby. We will be having a memorial service Tuesday. Meanwhile, my strange little life goes on...



Tonight was my first show at T&T's. It went really well. I had lots and lots of fun. My castmates were very encouraging and friendly. I am grateful.

Leaving Los Angeles



My Groundlings classes ended Wednesday. 16 people started the class six weeks ago. 5 dropped out. Of the 11 of us left, only one was cleared to go onto level 3. Guess who? Yep. Minnie. Not me. Minnie is great. She was definately the best in the class. My last scene was with her and it was one of the best scenes that I have ever been in.



I got some kudos from my instructor. He basically said that I'll do two really good scenes and then a really bad one. I need to be more consistent. He said that I was close to moving on and should repeat the class. I made an easy decision that the class was good, but not worth another $450 and another 3,600 miles on the car. It was a good experience. I learned a great deal. I feel very close to Noah. I'm glad I did it, but I'm more glad that I don't have any road trips. I'm looking forward to some more time with my family and friends.



In other news, My first show at Tony n Tina's is Saturday. I'm nervous and excited.



Also, you can buy tickets for Saga's Christmas show online if you want. It is my first effort as a director. I hope that you will come if you can. Click here.

I'm Thankful



God just dropped this Tony N Tina's gig in my lap. It's surreal.



I've been wanting to write about it, but it always feels kind of arrogant. It has actually been a very humbling experience. I can tell that I'm not really supposed to be in that show. You don't decide that you might want to be a (semi) professional actor in February and get a regular paying job in October. That's not normal. You don't get a call back on your first audition. You don't get a job on your first call back. That's just not the way it works. I have only two reasons that I could think of for getting this job so easily: 1. I'm so talented that the entire entertainment industry has just been waiting for me to walk into a room, or 2. God gave me this job. My vote is #2. (But you can feel free to vote #1 if you want...)



The other humbling realization is that as cool as it all is, it is an OFF Strip production of an OFF Broadway show that plays in a converted garage just OFF of The Rio's main building. It aint The Producers on Broadway.



Now that all of that stuff is out of the way: How strangely beautiful is all of this? Last night I walked out of rehearsal through a room of 300 people who just forked over $80 a pop to see the show. I left through the employee exit of The Rio to find myself on the fourth floor of the parking garage, overlooking the entire Strip at night. I saw the billboard for my show between Penn and Teller and The Chipendales. Odd.



As I drove home I thought about how Eli and I were playing/pretending/improvising for about an hour that day. We were playing candy store. He was the manager and I was the customer. His object work, character, and improv skills were perfect. All kids know how to act. They know play. The Rio Hotel and Casino will pay me enough money to pay my share of the rent starting next month. And all I have to do is play and pretend. I am grateful.

Four Unrelated Thoughts



My friend Jeremiah is staying at my house. He and his friend Chris have been a blessing to us.



I have my first rehearsal today for the new show.



We have less than three weeks until Saga's Christmas of Convenience show opens. Please help me spread the word. More info here.



Today is the day I switch from briefs to boxers....please pray for me.

Dear Mom, I'm in a Topless Show.



Well...I get topless anyway...



Rehearsals for Tony N Tina's Wedding begin this week. I should be in the show by the end of November. I went last night and was sized for my clothes (a tux when I play "Barry" and a sloppy sportcoat/slacks when I play "Michael") Most of the cast seemed glad to meet me. I am the only man that was hired, along with one gal whom I haven't met yet.



It is all very odd. It is exciting and a little intimidating. There are moments when I feel as though I'm a poser...and moments when I'm very confident about it all.



Both of my characters end up taking off their shirts before the show is over. Barry does a striptease on the head table and Michael get drunk and sings "Baby Got Back" into the microphone sans shirt. I've been on a bit of a crash diet before exposing the world (paying customers none the less) to my soft underbelly. In the moment I will be so "pretend drunk" or "dead sexy" that I will lose my inhibitions, but thinking about it makes me want to just live at 24 hour fitness.



In some ways it will be my final battle with all of those a-holes who used to pick on me in elementary school for being fat. Its a way to confront a deeply planted fear.



Its going to take a long time before this really feels like my life...but I'm excited about the journey.

Thoughts de jour



I'm busy. It happened accidentally enough. I knew that taking classes in LA for six weeks would be a challange. I knew that directing A Christmas of Convenience for Saga would take time. I didn't plan on accidentally getting a night job at the same time though. The Groundlings classes will be over in 8 days. They have been great, but I'm ready to be done. Throw in an Apex Retreat, and both sets of parents paying visits over the last few weeks and that makes Joey a very sleepy boy.



It's all good though. I'm pretty sure that God gave me this job. It's the only explanation that makes any sense. About once a day I think back to the audition room, where dozens of nervous professional actors were struggling to get any advantage they could. I remember almost leaving because I wasn't even sure I wanted the job. I remember thinking that the only reason I was there was to get used to rejection. Turns out I might have been there to get used to acceptance again.



My friend Sean Critchfield is sick. He has to have surgery again on his kidney. He was in this show that I am directing, so we are trying to figure out what to do. I'm not so much worried about the show. I just want Sean to get better.



My car, that I don't even want, is in the shop. It's gonna cost over a grand to fix it. It seems like the responsible thing to fix it up and hold onto it for a while. I'll have to hold off on my dream of selling it and buying a Vespa...at least until sometime next year.



Noah made a CD to listen to on the way back from LA yesterday. It was mainly Lionel Richie and Billy Joel. It made me realize how much I love my wife and kids...I realize that I do not deserve the family I have been given. Debbie, I love you and can't wait until God makes me the man that you deserve.



Wow...that was very stream of consciousness. I hope you enjoyed a glimpse into the things I think about every waking second.



Peace to you, reader. Know that you are loved.

It is Done



To have faith means to wake up every morning knowing that The One has made the choice to become evil for us so evil may be destroyed forever. To have faith is to act today on what The One has done and the continuing effects of his sacrifice and love. To know that The One first loved Trinity and that from this trinitarian love he was compelled to love all who wished to choose love.



Thats why The One had to die.



"It makes sense that there is now no Matrix for those who are united with The One. In The One the life-giving way of love has set you free from the way of assimilation and death. What The Matrix could not do, because both The Matrix and people are flawed, Trinity has done by sending her One and Only Love to become Evil to destroy Evil. In doing so, the hope of a new way may be found in us, who are no longer controlled by The Matrix, but by the way of love. Those who continue to live in the Matrix will be controlled by it and die in it. But those who live in the new way of love will have life and peace."

God Loves Me



The Apex Retreat was really good for me. I left believing in God, which is cool. I left believing that God loves me and is interested in my life. I left wanting to leave religion behind for the hope of honest friendship with Jesus. I left excited because my friends are all talking about stuff that they used to want me to try to figure out on their behalf.



Ultimately, As I type on this keyboard at 4:57 pm on Tuesday, November 4, 2003, I have hope. It may be brief or flickering, but it is there. Hope for the life that is lived in my Father's love. Hope for my friends. Hope for all of those big and little things that fill my mind and burden my soul. I can see a day where I am whole enough to love and be loved.



Father, love me so much that I cannot help but love from the excess of what you have given me.



Hmmm...Just before I was able to hit "post" on my blog after typing the last sentence I got a phone call. It was from Tony n Tina's Wedding. I got the job.



Peace.

Vega$ Baby



I had lunch today with Jonathan Lee. He is moving here from Maryland to start a church. I was encouraged to see that God would bring him here to Las Vegas. It is cool the way that God moves people around to see his Kingdom come.



I'm only 30, but I'm starting to feel very partriarchal. Not that I am wise or anything, just that I have lived here in Vegas for 8.5 years. I read the Las Vegas Sun from cover to cover at the Med. Cafe today as I waited for Jonathan. It was the first time in my life that I ever read a newspaper and it felt like I was reading MY newspaper. Much of the news was about people I have actually met or at least seen in person. The news was about my neighborhoods and community.



I don't know if I will be in Las Vegas for the rest of my life. But I have a hunch that it will always be home.

You know its a big fire when...



I had to miss my class today because of the fire. But I awoke this morning to find that the fire had found me...at least the smoke had. The Las Vegas valley is full of socal smoke. It's eerie and strange. For some reason today has reminded me of 9-11. I think the physical climate of today matches the spiritual climate of 9-11.

Fire.



So...California is burning. Last night I drove the I-15 from Vegas to LA and the freeway was illuminated by huge flames on either side. It was a little frightening and strangely peaceful. Today's return trip took a few extra hours due to the 215 being shut down. Noah and I ate lunch at an Applebees in Victorville with a view of the burning mountains at sunset. Very surreal.



I feel for those who are homeless tonight.

No, I'm Not Famous Yet



So...I've gotten tons of e-mails because of my last blog. Thanks to all who are supportive. I haven't heard anything either way from my call back. Part of me wishes that I hadn't said anything about it yet, because there is a real good chance that they won't call back at all. It was a fun experience either way.



It has made me realize how much limbo there is in the world of an actor. Waiting and wondering. I'm glad that I don't need this job to pay the bills. Then it would be a very anxious time indeed.



Peace.

Weird.



Yesterday I went to my first real audition. It was an open casting call for Tony n Tina's Wedding, a comedy that plays nightly at the Rio. I was thinking, "There is no way in the world I will get offered anything, but it will be good to see what an audition is like. Plus, there will be some improv which will be fun." So I got there and signed in. I waited for 45 minutes to be called. When I finally went into the theater there were only two people there-a man and a woman. They asked me a few questions and had me read for two parts. They seemed way into my performance. Maybe that's normal. Again, I have never done this before.



After I had finished they asked me to come back for a call-back to be videotaped for the director in New York. "OK," I said. (I had just read a book that said most people do 40-60 auditions before getting a call-back so I was a little surprised.) Then they said that I would have to show up at a casting office today at 2 pm. "Oh, I can't. I have to be in LA tomorrow," I said. They looked at me like I was nuts. I guess that I should have acted more honored or something.



I left the theater and talked with a guy in the lobby. As I was speaking with him, the lady opened the door and asked that I come back in. When I got back into the theater the producer said, "I'll be honest with you Joe. We really like you for this part. What can we do to get you to this call-back tomorrow."



"Uh...I guess I could miss my class." This was the first moment when I realized that maybe some real offer would come from this. He started to talk about payment, part-time vs. full-time, availability, pant and shirt size, etc.



Weird. Just really odd. The whole thing. Today I went for the call-back and did some improv on film. They said they will call me soon.



So now I'm spending most of my free time wondering if an offer will come in...if I should take it...what it would mean for everything else. The part-time position would exactly cover my anticipated pay cut from Apex starting next year. Weird.



I am obliged to say that there is a darn good chance that I will never hear from them again. But the whole thing had made me see for the first time that maybe I really can be a professional actor and a church planter sometime in the near future.



Weird.

Good Morning



I am 1.5 weeks into my six-week experiment with The Groundlings. So far so good. What it means is this: On Mondays and Wednesdays I wake up at 3:30. That's really early. I get home around 7 pm and stay up until the kids go to bed around 9. Then I crash, which is also weird because I have been staying up past midnight for all of my adult life. On Tuesdays and Thursdays I get up around 7:30 to take Eli to school. (Those used to be my early days, now they are my sleeping in days.) On Fridays I meet my friends for breakfast at 7:00, so I'm getting up before 6:30 on my day off. Saturdays are a wild card, and I get up with the boys on Sundays so Debbie can have breakfast with her friends.



All of this to say that I am facing something most people have dealt with there whole life-a grown-up schedule. At least I waited until I was 30 to try it out.

Dave has always been my friend.




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A Tale of Two Cities



Yesterday was my first day of classes with The Groundlings in LA. I have eleven more to go over the next six weeks. It was fun. I was a little worried that I might not be able to hang with real-live LA actors, but I left the day feeling secure in my abilities and excited to learn more. My friend Noah is taking the classes with me, so we are getting lots of time to hang out.



I'm making the final casting decisions for Saga's "A Christmas of Convenience" today and tomorrow. Life is going to be quite theatrical between now and the middle of December.



My mom is coming into town this week to be with us and see the new house. It will be good to have her here.

If we ever have a girl I wanna name her Zoe Grace



Zoe is greek for life.

Grace is english for...grace.



I think that God is teaching me to grow and to receive grace. Grace...its a funny thing. I don't know if I am strange, but receiving grace is about a thousand times harder for me than giving grace. Grace is pity. It's feeling so sorry for the broken state of another that you are moved to love and forgiveness and generosity. Grace starts in knowing that you yourself are a mess and a failure. (I've never had a problem realizing that.) Grace culminates into action when you see that the person next to you is a mess and a failure in their own unique way. You say, "Hey...they are a mess...just like me...man, i feel so sorry for them." That's grace as I understand it as a 30 year-old American Protestant male.



I have had to ask for grace three times over the last two weeks. Twice from people who are very important to me. Once from a stranger. Asking for grace is hard. It turns you into a pathetic child. It makes you a begger. It humbles you. I have been following Jesus as best as I can for 22 years now. He promises to redeem me and give me grace. I wish that he would redeem me faster so that I could not have to ask for pity from the people I love. But perhaps his ultimate grace to me is allowing me to slowly learn how much I need a Savior.



So, thanks to all of you who have been gracious to me. Thanks to God who is patiently letting me grow up.



"Blessed are the merciful because they have received mercy."