Why do I do this again?

I sort of freaked out this week. I'm not sure why. On Monday I went down to San Diego for my second audition for the TV show "Art of Betrayal"...the role of a policeman. They immediately called me back to read again at 2:30 pm. I did very well in the first reading and not as well in the callback. This happens sometimes. It happened to me last week too. I was called back for a TV show called Mystery ER on the Discovery Channel. I nailed the first reading and not the second. I don't think in either case that I totally blew it...but I could have and should have done better. In golfer terms, I get the yips at callbacks. I choke on putts I should sink simply because the stakes are higher. Not always...but recently for some reason.

So for a few days I looked around on monster.com and craigslist trying to imagine something else I could do...

Yeah. There's not really anything.

Today was better...coming out of the funk. I wrote a seven-page script that I'm proud of. It will be submitted for use in a 48 hour film festival in December. My agent finally called after a week (in the middle of my funk, I assumed they had fired me and forgot to tell me.) I have two auditions for the show Vanished (Fox) tomorrow ("policeman" and "security guard")...I've already read there once this season as well. It's a good sign when they bring you back like that. (Based on my most recent auditions, maybe I should consider a career in law enforcement.)

So, I'm back off the edge. Ironically, I received several e-mails from long lost friends this week telling me how proud they are of me for following my dreams and all that...I figured quitting this week might be too hard on them anyway. And by the way, following your dreams sounds so awesome until you do it. Then it just feels really hard and a little pointless...and kind of like you should get a real job...and, to be honest, sometimes out of nowhere...it does feel a little awesome.

On a side note, I've been listening to the audio book BLINK from the other of THE TIPPING POINT. It's pretty cool...there is a whole chapter devoted why improv is the greatest thing people can do together. (My interpretation-but it's not so far off.)

To my Lifelines friends...my Vanished audition is at 5:00 in Hollywood so if I'm a little late tomorrow night, talk among yourselves and I'll get there asap.