Wednesday, May 07, 2003

I'm Fat

I know what some of you are thinking, but this is way past vanity. I'm just so tired of carrying these twenty extra pounds with me everywhere I go. I know about 100 different things that I can do to lose the weight. I have battled with obesity since I was about six years old. I was fifty pounds heavier than I am now when I graduated from high school. I know how to lose weight-eat less, exercise more. But damn it, I like fast food and I hate running and being naked with other men in the gym locker room.

So there it is. The one thing that I think every single day of my life but have never blogged. I don't know why I decided to share tonight. I guess that I am hoping that it will give me what I need to order egg beaters at my 7:00 breakfast tommorow. I know what I don't need: Don't tell me I'm not fat...I won't believe you. Don't tell me I am fat...that pisses me off. Don't tell me your diet plan...I've probably tried it about five times. Just know that my entire childhood existence was full of fat jokes and that if I weighed 80 pounds, I'd still be the fat kid on the inside. (Dr. Phil, emergency on Blog 29...) Crap, now I'm being the fat kid who uses humor to cover the pain!

So this is what I tell myself: Jesus loves thirty year-old guys who are still hurting from the insults of third grade. He loves me and is probably fine with my bonus 20 pounds. But still, I want to take my kids swimming this summer without being embarrassed. So, I'll take dry wheat toast with those egg beaters in the morning and get my butt back into the gym.

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