Encore



I've never bothered to learn how to archive my posts, so they vanish after about 8 months. The one below was about to go, but I wasn't ready for it to leave...nor am I ready to learn how to archive. So I copied it for me...you can read it if you want...i guess that's the whole point of this thing...



Friday, May 16, 2003

Eli's Questions



Two weeks ago Eli, my three-year old, asked me what water was made of. I was rather distracted trying to get him into his car seat so I answered without thinking. "Hydrogen and Oxygen." He said "What's hilgrigin and oxelgon?" "Basic elements," I said as I closed the car door. His question haunted me that day. More acurately, my answers bothered me. I am such a materialist...such a modern...such a practical atheist...a fact junky. What is water made of? I am convinced that every pre-modern culture that has ever existed has a damn good answer that involves a beautiful narrative of one of their own recieving water from the Divine. We think that we have the right answer...H2O. H20 is BS. Its a lie that we created to forget the story of what water really is. Water is made of love and life. That's the truth. It's a gift not a formula. I made a vow that day that I would try to answer the next difficult question as a spiritual being instead of some organic computer.



The next question came about four hours ago. Eli and I were on our way home from Walmart when he noticed the eclipse. (I knew it was happening but had forgotten to look.) "What's wrong with the moon, daddy?" "It's an eclipse, Eli." Crap! Here I go again. "What's an ekilps, daddy?" It was all I could do not to explain planetary rotation, natural satellites and the moon as a reflective body. I searched my brain for a story...nothing came to mind until Eli spoke again. "I think the moon has a moon-blanket on cause he's cold." I said, "Sounds good to me, buddy. It is really cold on the moon right now." "Yeah...and the moon is far away...farther than Memaw and Papaw's house, huh?" "Yeah, really far," I answered.



We arrived home about five minutes later and Eli told Mommy, "The moon has a blanket on." She stared bewilderingly at me..."There's an eclipse tonight." I had to translate truth into fact for her. Now if I could just learn to do the opposite for Eli.

Money



I've never really worried much about money for two reasons: 1.) I really don't seem to desire lots of expensive things in my life and 2.) I've always had a steady job that paid me enough to not have to worry about having the stuff that I do like (namely a house, a car, copious amounts of coffee and a few trips to IHOP every week.)



This year I have thought about money more than I care to admit. Many of you know that I am preparing to cut my hours with Apex in an effort to pursue acting and storytelling vocationally. It has made me realize that I am probably going to make a lot less money or a lot more money than I would have had I been content to work within the church system my whole life. I was on the fast track to 45k/year until Jesus comes back, but not anymore. Most actors work their tails off to make half that. Some actors make ridiculous amounts of money...I don't know which option worries me more.



I just want to continue be faithful. I want to continue to live within a Kingdom ecomonic. And I want to make the car payment this month and still be able to fork over some bills for Eli and Aidan to step into some pancakes this weekend. These are my financial goals.

Get Well



Loredana (Doug and Cheryl's little one) is sick. She has been admitted into Summerlin Hospital with some sort of bronchial (sp?) infection. Cheryl's due in a few weeks, so they could use your prayers and whatever else you might be willing to offer up...



Eli has a similar thing going on, but not at all as severe. He went to the doctor today and got some stronger medicine..."not the yucky kind," he says. Gabriel's been pretty sick too, so its a good time not to visit our house...

Stuff I Think About



So I have this unwritten policy. (Generally I don't like policies, but if you are going to have them you should probably write them down...) Anyway, I tend to erase my blogging friends from my site if they haven't blogged for 3 or 4 months. I erased Joe P and the next day he blogged...so i was gonna put him back, but then he quit again...you can see my angst.



All of this to say that I erased my wife's link. Then I felt bad. Your wife should get at least six months. So she's back.

Write me blog, you're the piano man...



Last night my household rented The Pianist. It was pretty much what I expected out of an Academy Award winning movie about the holocaust...painful. It was a great movie and Adrien Brody deserved his award. I hate holocaust movies though. Here are my thoughts the day after:



1. Hitler was a really bad man. I mean, come on, dude was evil.

2. The Pope is cool. (The movie is set in Warsaw where Karol Wojtilla, our current Pope, helped lead the underground movement to protect the Jews back when he was a priest. He's not in the movie, but I thought of him often.)

3. Somebody right now is going through the exact same amount of pain for political reasons beyond thier control as the Jews did. (Think Iraq, the Sudan, parts of SE Asia.)

4. WW II is so modern to feel so far away. 60 years ago the western world was heartlessly killing people for their heritage. This wasn't the time of Hannibal and Caesar...this was the time of Katherine Hepburn and Joe Dimaggio.

5. The Jews must really be God's people because historically they have been as mistreated as God himself.

6. The Jews have always desired a home, but have always been wanderers.

7. Being free means being free to create.

8. Historically speaking, every generation should expect unimaginable evil. It's a pattern.

9. I'll never know if I'm really a pacifist until someone tries to kill me or the people I love.

10. Adrien Brody's nose is out of control. It makes Owen Wilson look normal.

"I'm an Actor"



If I keep saying it to myself, I might believe it more.



This week I'm getting new headshots and meeting with a potential agent. I guess I'm finally putting that Bible college degree to good work? I have no idea how this has all happened, but I'm enjoying it.



Debbie has been so supportive...thanks for letting me change so much over the last nine years. Thanks for not giving up on me and for somehow always liking the new Joe that seems to emerge every so often.

Michael Just



I play Michael in Tony n Tina's Wedding. I have been Michael for 2 or 3 months now. Michael is a recovering alcoholic and the ex-boyfriend of the bride. At first you play a character as if you were pretending to be someone else...you play him from the outside looking in. In the beginning of being Michael I had a constant mental picture of what everyone in the audience saw Joe doing as Michael.



It's hard to tell whether it is all talk or not, but the director of our show, who lives in NYC and is hardly ever around, told us to play it totally real. That's the secret to deep comedy, I think. I was glad to hear him say that. "No gags that aren't in the script...if people love you they will laugh or cry...and since they think its a comedy...they will choose to laugh." Makes sense to me. That has been my only focus as an actor...to find a real Michael Just.



All of that to say that tonight I hurt for the first time. I couldn't look at Tina. I felt empty. The only person that I ever loved just got married. I wanted poor Michael to leave the room...to hide in the corner...to do anything...until my first drink. Then it all left. My old friend had come back to help me. Tonight I discovered that Michael, my Michael, doesn't drink for fun. He drinks because he's empty and needs filled up. He drinks because he's lonely and misuderstood. And Tina was the smoothest, most powerful drink that he had ever had. She loved him. But even she couldn't fill him. She couldn't love him through his emptiness. I had always called Tina my soulmate...turns out Joe and Michael share a soul too.



I was surprised to find Michael's emptiness return tonight just before getting kicked out of the room. I saw Tina as drunk as me and it hit me that she was in pain...and I was still empty. For the first time ever I walked up to her and said, "I'm sorry." She was too drunk to hear me. I wanted her too. If Tina couldn't hear me maybe Molly who was playing Tina could. So I screamed, "I'm sorry!" No response from Tina or Molly. So I took my shirt off, sang Baby Got Back and left.



I walked out into the cold air shirtless and Joe Boyd returned and replaced Michael Just in my body. I didn't want a drink. I didn't want Tina. I didn't want anything but to go the dressing room and come home. And I wanted to be Michael again. To meet him at 7:00 next Wednesday and share a body with him for two hours. Maybe he needs me as much as I have needed him.

Almost Homer makes me a Polytheist...not really, but he's pretty cool.



I used to read too much. From 1999-2002 I probably read close to 200 books. 198 of them were pretty serious and heady. Last year I lost most of my desire to read. I read Fight Club, a few Joseph Campbell books, a book about storytelling, The Artist's Way, and 3 or 4 acting books. That was it.



Today I picked up Thomas Cahill's new book about the Ancient Greeks. So far, so good. The Greek myths are groovy.



I'm thinking it would be a good idea to pick up an acting class. I'm eyeing one at the local community college that I hear is pretty good and not too expensive. So I'm reading and thinking about going to school...the more things change...

Looky



The new Apex Site is up. Thanks Ramon.

New Year, New Hope



I have two tattoos. The first one, a pair of sandles, is on my right ankle. Early Christians used this symbol to indicate that a traveling teacher was coming to town. The second tattoo, a bow, is on my right wrist. The Greek philisophers used the bow to explain the meaning of logos to their students. My take on logos is that it represents the universal perfect story. St. John claimed that Jesus was the logos.



In a moment of mysticism this time last year God "told me", whatever that means to you, that I would make a living from telling stories. And that I would plant churches wherever my feet took me to tell stories. I didn't get it until tonight....exactly one year later.



I think a church might have started tonight at the Rio. It's far too early to see the state of the soil...but the seed has been scattered.



Pray for me.

I'm a Freak



I finally saw Return of the King. My favorite part was Gandalf discussing death with Pippen. For a second I wasn't afraid to die either.



I'm starting to see that acting for me is also a form a therapy. It is a great release to become someone else for a few hours. It's strange. I wonder how I made it this far in life without it.



Here's a stange thing that all of you mystics can think about and get back to me on: For almost five years I have had a recurring dream of sorts. Its not really a dream because it only lasts 2 seconds and it occurs just before I fall asleep most every night. I am at a baseball game batting. I see the pitcher and the ball from my perspective and I always make contact with the ball. Sometimes its a line drive, other times a home run. Always a hit. It ends there.



Anyway, for the last three nights the image has changed for the first time ever. I am a cowboy preparing to draw two guns form side holsters on my hip. I draw them and shoot at nothing in particular. It ends there.



I don't think that I have ever told anyone about these images. So I figured I'd share them with the world all at once.

I'm Better, a Little Loopy, but Better



I'm feeling almost completely better. It was a very strange illness. I'm happy to be well though. The kids are excited about Christmas which is helping me get more excited.



I work at TnT's Christmas Eve, Christmas, NY Eve (my ninth anniversary), and NY Day. "Welcome to the real world, she said to me, condescendingly." (A little John Mayer tribute there.) I'm pretty sure that I misspelled a word in that last sentence, but I'm too tired to figure it out. I might have misspelled "misspelled". I don't think I did, but maybe it just has one "s"...well, now I have possibly misspelled it three...no four times. I should just move on...



Merey Christmus ta yu an yurs.

I'm cold...I'm sweating



No, I don't have menopause. I think I might have the flu. I've pretty much been in bed for the last three days except to do a video shoot and my show last night. Tonight is the Apex Christmas service...I'm heading that way now.



Peace.

What's Going On



The Saga show has wrapped. I'm glad that we did it. But I am also very glad that it is over. Directing is more challanging than I expected, probably due to the fact that I had to step in and act as well. I'll talk more about the show later. I learned a lot.



Last night was the Tony n Tina's cast Christmas party. It was a little awkward at first since Debbie and I don't really know anyone at all yet. By the end I was really glad that we went. They definately are a family of sorts. I'm looking forward to the day when I feel completely comfortable with them.



Debbie's brother Dave and his fiance Sarah are in town. We will be hanging out this week.



Gregg hooked me up with a tech industry commercial that will be filming Thursday and Friday of this week. It should be some extra $ for the holidays which will be cool.



That's about all that's new in my world...

A Christmas of Convenience



We've gotten some local press this week and a few people have stumbled upon my web log looking for information about the show.

It plays tonight, Saturday and Sunday afternoon. All of the information can be found at www.sagastorytellers.com. Or just call 702-396-8447 to reserve a seat.



Hope to see you there.

We believe in one, holy, apostolic, catholic church.



For all of the grief that us independent, PROTESTant, "enlightened" indidualistic, "modern" (read: smarter) Christians love to heap upon our fathers...I think that got some pretty darn important ideas down with the Nicene Creed.



What if a few of us really started to believe in one, holy, apostolic, catholic church? What if we lived within the reality of that construct? Perhaps it wasn't the ideas of the fathers that got the church into trouble...perhaps it was the way they implemented their ideas. We can believe in one, holy, apostolic, catholic church without assuming the burden to MAKE it one or holy or apostolic of catholic. We can assume that God has been and still is building his church...and he builds us as ONE church. He sees one family in one Kingdom with his eyes. He builds us as HOLY-set apart and unique-foreign to the world-an outpost, embassy and foretaste of his eternal Kingdom. He builds us as APOSTOLIC. He makes us a people of the journey. He calls a mobile Kingdom of pilgrims...as he always has from Noah to Abraham to Israel to Moses to the Prophets to Jesus and his team...always wandering, always moving, always sent forth, sent ahead and sent toward. And he builds us into a CATHOLIC church. His blueprint calls for diversity without division...a universal, world-wide family.



I've gotten out of the business of building the church. I don't really miss it too much. I was doing a pretty bad job anyway. I see some of my friends still trying to build it. I feel bad for those who are seemingly succesful...I hope that their success will not blind them to the fact that God is really the one working. Sometimes I get restless or a little bored and want to go build me a church...but I've learned to close my eyes and ask to see what God sees. It makes me want to just trust him more. I'd like to spend a few years just walking around looking for the church that God is building. I'm more of a detective these days than anything else...looking for God in the corners of my world. I saw him working last weekend at the Saga show and yesterday at Grand China. I hope to see him in the underbelly of the Rio Casino tonight...but if not, I'll just wait for him there. He always shows up...his kingdom always comes.



"And when you pray, pray like this...Our Father...let your kingdom fully come here just like it is where you live."

Ahh, Drugs.



I'm feeling mostly better. Just the nagging cough to contend with now. I have two whole nights off from performing...then five shows in a row. Two at TnT and three with Saga. So, needless to say, I'm glad to be on the road to recovery.

I miss my mommy



Yeah. I'm officially sick. I spent 3.5 hours at "Quick Care" to find out that I have a severe throat infection. They gave me three different perscriptions including some ROIDS. I should be freakin huge soon. What happened to the days when being sick was a ticket to miss school and watch TV all day?



Having a sore throat is extra stressful when you use your voice as part of your vocation. In my case, for both of my vocations. The second of six Saga shows wrapped tonight. I'm proud of the cast.

"The show must go on."



It's a saying that didn't mean too much to me for most of my life. Now I understand. I'm getting sick but it doesn't matter. Tonight I had to pee for the last hour of the show-didn't matter. I still had to chug five "beers" (Bud Light bottles filled with water) and stay in the room. Friday night is opening night for A Christmas of Convenience. It might be a full house...it might be just my wife watching-doesn't matter.



The Show Must Go On.

What a difference a year makes



This time last year I hadn't even considered acting as more than something I might want to "try someday." I guess I'm officially an actor now. This week holds 7 rehearsals and 4 performances with three different projects. Man, that happened fast.