We aren't who we were...

This weekend at The Vineyard we talked about the reality that your story is unfinished. You don't have to settle for who you are now if you don't want to. 80-90 people publicly decided for the first time to trust Jesus to change their story. It was a good weekend.

I read a few responses in my message this weekend from a question I asked on twitter/facebook this past Friday. I've compiled the entire list to share with you here. It's amazing to see what we once were compared to what we are now. Feel free to add to the list in the comment section below:

Steve – I was once broken but now I am whole.

Stephanie – I was once bound, but now I am free.

Harmony – I was once forgotten, but now I am cherished.

Cindy – I was once in darknes, but now I am in the light.

Trevor – I was once bound by the delusion of worldly grandeur, but now I am working for crowns that do not decay.

Barbara – I was once hell bound, but now I am heaven bound.

Sarah – I was once self-centered, but now I am a servant leader.

Adam – I was once lost, having no hope, but now I am a pastor, living my life to serve and obey his will for me.

Chris – I was once lost, but now I am lost with a light to follow.

Cris – I was once sick, but now I’m healed.

Mary – I was once lost, but now I’m found.

Allison – I was once a mess, but now I am less of a mess.

Martin – I was once on autopilot, but now I am on manuel guide.

Karla – I was once religious, but now I am in a relationship with the Creator of the universe.

Vellanee – I was once hopeless about my future, but now I know the promises God made for my prosperity shall be kept.

Christine – I once found my identity through what others thought of me, but now my identity comes from what God thinks of me.

Laura – I was once wondering if God was listening, but now I am seeing his hand at work all along.

Rich - I once was skinny, insecure, introvert, lustful, given to much beer, angry, resentful, envious, teary, sorry for myself, short sighted (metaphorically), materialistic, possessive, easily offended, and vain, but now I am buff, confident, extrovert, sexually mature, two beer an evening for the health of it, peaceful, respectful, contented, full of laughter, compassionate, eternally focused, relational, generous, teflon, and...still vain (wardrobe and aussie assome volume styling mousse).

Tracey – I was once hopeless, but now I am excited to see what God has next for me.

Carla – I was once indifferent to God and his word, but now I am learning the truth.

MaryKay – I was once “religious” but now I am cultivating a relationship with God.

Leslye – I was once empty and full of hurt on the inside, nothing filled the hole in my heart, God’s spirit and love has filled that once empty hurting heart with peace and contentment and care for others.

Kris – I was one a mound of dirt and now I am a flower.

Laurel – I was once unaware but now I am conscious.

Dan – I was once alone in my inner world, but now I have opened that world to trusted friends.

Tina – I once drifted, but now I am directed.

Amy – I was once dead, but now I am alive.

Cindy – I was once enslaved, but now I am empowered.

Janett - :/ but now :D

Heather – I was once miserable and unhappy with lots of things in my life, but now I am at peace and thankful for everything I have been given.

Kristina – I was once prone to sadness, but now I am prone to joy.

Sawajayne (twitter)– I was once navigating by an old worn out map, but now I’m rolling with GPS.

Vegas710 (twitter) – I was once suspicious, but now I am trusting.

Karlalovesjody (twitter) – I once believed in making my own way, but now I know God will guide me – I only have to listen.

Pomorev (twitter) – I once was aspirationless, but now I am full of purpose.

Kande – I once was restless, but now I’m at peace.

Cindy – I once was hopeless, but now I have hope and someone in my corner.

Annie – I was once defined by my past, but now I am defined by my King.

Stew – I was once cynical, but now I am hopeful.

Jeff – I was once lost, but now I’m found.

Daniel – I was once religious, but now I am His.

Dave – I was once a screwed up mess, but now I am a screwed up mess with hope.

Barbara – I was once disoriented, listening to mu doubts and fears, but now I am focused, listening to God’s directions.

Laurel – I was once doing, but now I am being.

Kathi – I was once so far gone I didn’t believe I needed to exist, but now I am serving a faithful and mighty God.

Angie – I was once driven by fear, anger and control, but now I am set free.

Rita – I was once darkness, but now I am light.

Andrea – I was once all about hearing myself talk, but now I am a reflective listener.

Anna – I was once looking for love from men but now I am fully complete in God’s love and married to a man who loves God as much as I do.

Jon – I was once a talk-the-talker, but now I am a walk-the-walker.

Erina – I was once lost, but now I am faithful in heart.

Peggy - I was once in total denial; thinking that all the bad things that happened was because I was just not good enough - not worthy enough, but now I'm living in the light of God's presence. Knowing that whatever this world sends my way that the awesome Creator of the universe can and will use it for good.

Lisa – I was once alone and in need of no one but now I am never alone and forever in need of a Savior.

Dave – I was once blind but now I see.

Pamela – I was once beat up physically, mentally, spiritually but now I am restored, healed and full of joy.

Emily - I once was trying to live my life by my plans...now I try to let my life be according to his plans. I once was in the darkest of despair but now I am with his help becoming more & more ok with the crazy way he takes hurt to make me a better person.

Tiffany – I was lost but now I am saved.

Robb – I was once broken, but now I am healed.

Jim – I was once trying to be in control of my life, but now I am letting God take control a little more each day…it’s a work in progress.

Cheryl – I was once full of myself, but now I’m full of the Spirt.

Steve - I was once an idiot who thought that women were a means to an end, or a peripheral distraction to some ethereal or lofty pursuit. But now I am married to a lady (in every sense of the term), and I'm growing in Grace...the Grace of God...and of my wife...and I'm grateful for both, knowing that He's the Author (and Finisher) of such...

Angie – I was once angry and bitter, but now I am happy and blessed.

Mo – I was once scratching to stop from slipping into a bottomless pit but now I am dancing in the field of freedom.

Lauren – I was once lost, but now I am home.

Laura – I was once filled with fear and control, but now I am at peace and free.

Monique – I was once an adulteress, but now God has given me a second chance at a second marriage where I am faithful.

Dawn – I was once hiding and filled with hurt. Now I’m happy and filled with the Holy Spirit.

Monique – I was once in the dark held captive in bondage, but now I’m free – the chains are gone.

Michelle – I was once afraid to die, but now I am afraid not to.

Lee – I was once trashed but now I am treasured.

Timothy - I once was the isolated kid sitting in the corner to myself, watching and wishing that the others would like me. Trying hard to fit in to the same story that everyone else was in, but now I thanks to God I challenge people to be different, because one man died on the cross to show me it is okay to be different.

Ryan – I was once a douche, but now I am the obvious created image of God.

Christine – I was once full of discontent, but now I am satisfied

Mark – I was once a pothead, but now I am drug free.

Kimberly – I was once insecure, but now I am known.

Dan – I was once arrogant and prideful, but now I am super humble. Oops.

Sharon – I was once motivated by fear, but now I am motivated by love.

Matthew – I was once a child of divorce, but now I am a dad who gets to model commitment to my girls.

Jeff – I was once unloved, but now I am loved.

Leslie – I was once merely existing, but now I am truly living.

Maggie – I was once made fun of for my dyslexia, but now I am perfect in God’s eyes.

Mike – I was once perfect (or so I thought) but now I am aware of my brokenness and hopeful that God will use that.

Roger – I was once untrustworthy, but now I am hopelessly in love with one woman.

Tahnee – I was once full of rage, but now I am forgiving.

Debbie – I once wanted to die, but now I surrendered to God and he saved me.

Kathy – I was once afraid of God, but now I know he loves me.

Tom – I was once scared of the future, but now I know he loves me.

Andrew – I was once bored, but now I have something that excites me and fascinates me.

Cris – I was once a nagging bitch, but now I am a loving wife.

Vanessa – I was once a whore, but now I am a pure spotless bride.

Jonathan – I was once a fake – a real hypocrite, but now I know God has loved me in spite of me.

Jerry – I was once a pretty good guy, never really feeling a need for anyone to save me. But now I am aware of how holy God is and how unworthy I am to be in his Presence. I’m thankful that I’m riding on Jesus’ coattails to heaven.

Sybil -I was once hopeless, plagued with depression, social phobia and anxiety, surrounded by broken and dysfunctional relationships, dying; wanting to die daily, seeking help and insight from every corner of the world, looking for validation; only to find emptiness, discomfort and judgment because my mind, my body and my spirit were unhealthy and kept me in a cesspool of despair without much vision for anything else. BUT NOW I AM now a child of God and in love with life, free from death, at peace and full of hope; with so many dreams and goals that my days aren't long enough! I'm able to see bits of Heaven on Earth and God's love in others who come when I need them most. I wouldn't want to mislead anyone- renewal wasn't a quick overnight success for me. However, it has been the most amazing journey!

Anonymous – I was once suicidal, but now I am excited to have eternal life.

1 Peter 2:9-10 (The Message Version)

But you are the ones chosen by God, chosen for the high calling of priestly work, chosen to be a holy people, God's instruments to do his work and speak out for him, to tell others of the night-and-day difference he made for you—from nothing to something, from rejected to accepted.

The Prom is next friday!

Last year it was amazing. This year it will be too. You don't want to miss it. More info here: Vineyard Prom

Or this video pretty much says it all:

Gen. 28: A re-imagining.

For a moment he thought he was in his bed. Then he remembered. The morning sun, already scorching his eye lids, reminded him where he was. When he opened them, all he could see was blue.

The sky in the desert can tease a man. It seems so beautiful and harmless. But Jake had friends who never returned from a journey like this one. He knew the dangers that waited for a lonely traveler this far from home. But for him, the dangers in the wilderness were tame compared to what...or more accurately...who he was running from.

He rose to his feet and scratched his neck. He wasn't used to not shaving in the morning. He hated the stubble. It reminded him of his brother.

He slung his leather satchel over his shoulder. In doing so he noticed the stone on the ground. He stared it down as if it were a coiled viper.

Wait a second? No, it couldn't be. Maybe...it was...

His hands trembled. He slowly lowered his satchel to the desert floor, eyes still glued to the simple stone that had doubled as his pillow throughout the night.

Jake wasn't the type to believe in the supernatural. His mother had taught him that what is real is real. No need for soothsaying or fairy tales or magic tricks. His father was into all that. So was his grandfather. But he was the grounded one. He was his mother's son - the rational one. He was fleeing the ancient myths of his father. But now the myths were stalking him in his sleep.

He gulped as he eyed that stone.

"OK," he said to the empty morning sky. "If that was real. If last night really happened, then...prove it. Give me food for my journey...and clothes to wear. Give me success and money and a family. Give me everything I deserve...then I'll come back here and find this stone. And then...and only then...I'll believe in you. Hell, I'll even come back here one day and build you house if that will make you happy." Disgusted, he looked toward the sunrise. "Then you won't have to live out in the desert and torment people when they come through..."

Throwing his bag over his shoulder, he turned eastward toward his uncle's estate. If it were possible, it was even hotter than the day before. He shot one last glance over his shoulder at the stationary rock. Then he mumbled as he walked away, "stupid dreams..."

Performers Beware

At some level we are all performers. We play for the audience in front of us - our boss or family or friends. We all tend to think about other people's perception a little more than we should. Life is a tricky balance of performing (doing) and not performing (being).

Some of us, whether through DNA or early childhood development, are hardwired to be performers. We gravitate to the stage or screen. We instinctively know that getting a "B" isn't really an option when an "A" is on the table. We obsess on finding those things that we do well...and when we find them, we do them over and over, striving to do them better each time. Without performers the world would be a rather boring place. In America we tend to elevate the stories of high performers, especially those who seem to come out of nowhere. We love telling that story. Perhaps too much.

It creates a tension in the heart and soul of a performer personality. No doubt I am one. Most everything I do has a performance element to it. I teach lots of people on the weekends at my church. Some of those people tend to comment on my "performance" one way or another after my teaching. In a split second, any teacher can lose sight that his job is first and foremost to introduce ideas to his students that have the power to adjust the trajectory of their lives. The teacher's job is not necessarily to perform for their students. It's easy to forget that. In my spare time I write books, make movies, act and do improv. Those are all high performance activities. They all actually require an audience to "work." To me, this is proof that I am one of those hardwired performers. When a person rests from a performance centered vocation by performing in other ways that's kind of dead giveaway.

It's easy to judge a performer personality as self-absorbed. I suppose most of us are at some level. But, who isn't really? The reality is, most of my high performing friends actually drift more toward self-hatred than self-love. We seem to be trying to out perform or innate ugliness and perceived worthlessness. It's generally not very pretty when you get too close to a hardcore performer. Most of us perform from our deepest pain. Some of the greatest actors, comedians and improvisers I have worked with are incredibly self-conscious and needy. Most are completely unaware of their own greatness at their craft. Some even pretend to be great as a way to cope, but in a vulnerable moment they will admit a desperate loneliness.

All of this is coming from my return to VCC this weekend. I desperately wanted to return "to the stage" and perform well. Honestly, not for me or my ego, but for my church. I wanted to do my part - to use my gift - to help people experience the only one who looks past our performances to see our true being. For those of you who don't know, when I teach I do it four times over a weekend: one on Saturday and three on Sunday. I wasn't particularly pleased with my message Saturday night. Sometimes it just doesn't feel right. I put several more hours into it and showed up Sunday morning with what I felt was a better version. As I was walking into the building Sunday morning, a friend of mine told me that what I had said Saturday night "changed his life" and "was by far my best teaching ever." I wanted to argue with him, but he seemed genuine. (To my credit, a few others whom I trust admitted it needed a little work, so I don't think it was just me being too hard on myself.) All to say, maybe in God's economy it is a lot more about showing up and doing your best in the moment. He has a way of working through an "average performance." Odds are He sometimes prefers it.

But I wanted to redeem myself with my three more chances to perform on Sunday. Then at the 9:00 a.m. Celebration my microphone didn't work for the first five minutes of my talk. With our new time structure, a five minute delay meant cutting 20% of my message on the fly. So again, at 9:00 I was scrambling to deliver the reworked message with even less time. At the 10:15 Celebration I nearly fainted during my introduction for some unknown reason and had to sit down on a stool to regain my balance. I think I played it rather cool, but it got into my head for a few minutes. At the last Celebration (11:45) I was ready to finally "do it right" Unfortunately, there was an up and coming performer in the crowd - a toddler determined to prove that you don't need a microphone after all to get the attention of a few thousand people. I never know what to do in those circumstances. I tried to speak over him, then I tried to wait him out, but he had a good fifteen minutes of intense vocality in him. That kid is gonna be a star. I think he won the battle Sunday morning. I should have asked the family to step out...but trust me, theologically speaking, that totally sucks to do.

I left the whole weekend experience feeling a lot like my beagle after he pees on the carpet. Rather embarrassed in a confused kind of way. I think I did my best...but a true performer will never admit to that. We are the first to see what we could have done better: a few more hours of prep, testing a microphone before turning it on, using the kid-screaming-teaching-moment to say how great our children's classes are, etc. Maybe even a little more protein in my breakfast would have fought off an unexpected bout with vertigo. I could have done better. We can always say that. That's the worst part of being a performer. We think our performance matters a lot when sometimes it only matters a little.

Then the e-mails started flooding in this week. Countless people saying that this was their first weekend at church in years. All of them saying they will be back. Most of them saying they cried their way through the Celebration because they felt so close to God. I wanted to tell them that I wanted to cry too...but it was for different reasons.

And so, the mantra that my mentor Dave taught me rings loudly in my ears today: "Get over yourself." Maybe that truth is even more central for us performers. God made us this way. He gets it. He's a good dad. He loves me just as much when I am sitting on my couch doing nothing as he does when I'm receiving the accolades of some crowd somewhere. I love my kids just as much, maybe more, when we are having dinner or driving in a car than when they hit a home run or bring home a nice piece of artwork from school. I love them, not what they do. I love them because they are mine. You'd think I'd understand by now that God (and in theory God's people) love me that same way.

It is a tricky balance for us all. What you do is not who you are. But what you do also matters. So do it well...but performing never trumps belonging. Ever. So, get over yourself performers and let yourself be loved this week. It's the only antidote for your unspoken pain.

Amazing (unfinished) Stories!

When I was a kid, I was into comic books. To be completely honest, I was more into the idea of striking it rich by getting in on the ground floor of some comic that would be worth millions one day. I had an Alex P. Keaton stage circa 5th grade when I was fascinated by capitalism. It still rears its ugly head now and again.

But beyond any 10-year-old investment strategies, I grew to like the stories in the comics themselves. I was a product of my generation. I loved G.I. Joe and Transformers. (No comment here about the current movies...must press forward...) Reading comics made one slightly superior to the kids who only watched the TV shows. "The comics are real," we would tell our TV-watching friends. If Destro dies in the comics, he's dead no matter how many times he parachutes out of his helicopter in the cartoons. The comics had ongoing story lines that seemed to stretch forward from week to week. I can clearly remember buying GI Joe #27 as a two-parter dealing with the previously untold origin and relationship between Storm Shadow and Snake Eyes. Stop me if I get too geeky. Too late...



The point is that I had to wait one month to see how the story would end. But eventually, the story finished. All stories do. Even yours. Your story is a comic book with only so many pages. Maybe 20 or 30 or 100. But someday my and your story will end. At least the part of our story on this side of death will end. Your story isn't finished yet.

This weekend at VCC we launch into a new series called Amazing (unfinished) Stories. We are gonna tap into our inner comic book geek for four weeks while also exploring what I believe is the deepest desire buried in the human soul - the desire to live a life that matters...to live within a story will ends well.

Jesus knows a thing or two about ending a story with a bang. He more or less invented the surprise ending. So join us this weekend...and bring a friend. It's never too late to change your story.

How Am I Feeling? Glad you asked...

I arrived home a few minutes before 5:00 a.m. yesterday morning knowing that Hitting the Nuts was in the can. I have two hard drives each containing 20-30 hours of raw footage that will become a 90 minute movie. I head back to work at VCC on Wednesday thanks to Dave forcing me to take an extra day off on Tuesday before returning. The hours until then will be the creative equivalent of a decompression chamber. I'd hate to get the bends.

The last three weeks clipped along faster than any other time in my life. Six day work weeks ranging from 12-18 hour working days morphed into one marathonic (yeah, just made that word up) adventure. The last thing I remember it was August 8th. Now it's nearly September.

People are asking how I feel. And I suppose that this post is in part an answer to that question.

I'd love to start with happy or excited, but I mainly feel tired. I've slept a lot over the last 36 hours and plan on more of the same in the days to come. The next feeling to register is relief. That may also seem a little odd. Perhaps it is a personality trait more than anything else, but I feel like four years of internal and external pressure has lifted. I feel somehow lighter and younger. The project is not completed, but now I know it will be. I hated having to answer for why it took so long to begin shooting to all those who would ask me over the years. It was a complicated story that I never enjoyed retelling.

Moving past exhaustion and relief I find a spirit of gratitude in my heart. I wrote in my previous post about the gratitude I have for my cast and crew, but there is also a huge feeling of gratitude directed toward God, my wife, friends, and church. I feel "lucky" if that is the right word, to have had their blessing to pursue this endeavor. Even if I never have the opportunity again, I have now done what lots of other people desperately want to do. I wrote, directed and produced a feature film. It is a blessing to be able to say that. I'm grateful for my own path and story that allows a pastor to make a mainstream comedy movie. I'm a man of complicated, some might say competing, desires and abilities. To see several realized at once is a great blessing.

Pressing even more inwardly, I realize that I feel a communion with God that I did not expect. Our film set, in my opinion, was a spiritual place. Heaven met earth time and time again. I heard the same speech from virtually everyone who came into town to make the movie. It went something like this: "I've never been on a set where people got along this well and supported each other and seemed to genuinely love each other. It was unlike anything else I have ever done." I heard that no less than ten times. Like I said earlier this month in this blog, this movie isn't a "Christian" movie. It's a regular old PG-13 American comedy. But when Kingdom people gather, heaven happens. It oozes even on those who have no words to describe it. The Kingdom came this month in Cincinnati.

I personally saw a glimpse of the afterlife on set. I don't want to freak anyone out by getting in too deeply here, but I had a faith breakthrough. For three weeks every time I turned around I saw the eyes of someone I loved. And I saw them loving one another. Because I was the one who pulled them together it was as if my personal story came to life in front of my eyes. It felt like eternity. So many friends from so many seasons of my life in one time and place. My wife and kids, my parents, Deb's family, my old friends Jim Nyberg and Jeremiah Smith from Las Vegas, improv playmates, friends from LA and Orange County and New York and Columbus and on and on...and all of them wrapped up in a blanket of the true community that I have been engrafted into over the last two years at VCC. Add in the countless faces I did not recognize a month ago who are now genuine friends and I nearly overdosed on love. It is impossible to explain with words. I only hope that each of you can find some excuse to get all of you friends in the same zip code for three weeks. It's life altering.

The entire process did leave me with a touch of sadness. So many people I love got on an airplane and left me. Who knows, really, if I will see them much more in this life. I have nearly dismissed the afterlife theologically speaking for the past decade. Not that I didn't believe in it, just that i didn't see the big deal. I have always felt like we Christians tend to overlook the present availability of heaven while focusing on the heaven to follow death. (I still think this is a big mistake on our part.) But this movie - an otherwise pointless poker comedy - taught me that the afterlife matters. I have tasted what it could be like and it is good. Relationship is eternal.

P.S. - if you are a distributor stumbling upon my blog, by "otherwise pointless poker comedy" I mean the funniest and most marketable indie comedy to be released in 2010. Call me.

Gratitude

I must say "thank you" 1,000 times a day during the shoot. The last four days of the Hitting the Nuts shoot have been especially difficult. We found a great location for our poker scenes...the only problem was the lack of air conditioning. Despite our best efforts of bringing in AC units and fans, the temperature averaged 85 degrees during the shoot. To make matters worse we lost power for a while yesterday and had a few extra technical difficulties resulting in a 16-hour day. I had told everyone at the beginning to expect 12 hour days...12 hours is hard. 16 is brutal. Especially in the heat.

As I watched my cast and crew (my friends) sweat and work for my project yesterday I grew more and more grateful for them. Not just grateful that they would continue working, but deeply thankful for their dedication to me and the common goal. I kept walking from person to person thanking them. I didn't know what else to do. Many of them thanked me in return. It was an exercise in humility for me. What have I done to deserve such an amazing network of friends? Who am I to be served in this way?

Being a director and producer on a bigger project can easily go to your head. People are constantly doing nice things for me on set. Positional leadership is a rather odd thing. I don't like it much. It feels undeserved. I'm trying my best to lead everyone on the team as I would want to be lead. It's a massive task, but I think yesterday showed me some of the dividends.

We have one more full week of shooting. That sounds like a lot and not much at all. I will be very happy and sad when it is all over.

P.S. Listen to my NPR radio interview about Nuts by clicking here.

Production Stills from HTN

Five of Five Hundred photos from the first four days of shooting...







Lots more photos on the official HTN fansite on facebook: Click Here.

CIncinnati Enquirer Article

John Johnston did a nice piece on HItting the Nuts for paper this morning to coincide with day one of the shoot. Check it out here.

First call is noon today in Sharonville.

It's not (all) about making a movie

This is it. I'm officially on vacation from The Vineyard and all about making Hitting the Nuts for the next 22 days or so. We start shooting Monday, but there's still a ton to do before then.

People have more or less been asking me why I am doing this. Why spend your summer vacation making a movie? There are lots of answers to that, but I figured I'd let you know some of the biggies:

1. Stories (and storytelling) matter. Ultimately telling stories change people in a myriad of ways. Not all stories that are told have to have a world changing agenda. Just the act of telling a story changes people. Stories make us think. I get to tell stories in many different ways - I'm a teacher and a writer. Making a movie is just anther way to tell a story. I think it may also be the most communal and collaborative form of storytelling in human history.

2. This movie is funny. A huge part of my background is rooted in improvisational comedy. I have blogged about this many times before. Improv gave me some hooks to hang onto at a time in my life when I was desperate for real joy. Improv taught me to play like a kid again...and now I get to make an improv movie and play with my friends for three weeks. In that respect this is my version of the Harley trip across the country or the golf vacation to St. Andrews or visiting every major league ballpark in three weeks. It's what I love to do...this is the dream vacation.

3. It is a matter of personal integrity. I wrote this script four years ago, stood up in a few investor meetings and told my early investors that I would make them a good movie. Many people both believed in me and believed me when I told them that. They expected a movie. It took a few years longer than I wanted, but now I get to deliver on those promises I made. I could have easily told them that it just didn't work out. Sometimes I wanted to give up. But that is not who I am. To be true to me, I had to finish this thing. And so there's that part.

4. It's a faith thing. This might be the hardest reason for some people to figure out. How does a mainstream PG-13ish poker-related comedy relate to my faith? It's not a Christian movie. It's just a movie movie. Well, that's exactly how it relates to my faith. One of the most frustrating things to me is when Christians only do "Christian" (read "nice, safe or ultra-moralistic") things. That attitude, in my opinion, is quite antithetical to the radical example of Jesus and his earliest followers. If we are really the ones holding the keys of redemption to the world we ought to be living in the real world - making real art, starting real businesses, working along side real people. We ought to find ways to create beauty (or comedy) as a witness to the Creator. If the economy turns south, we ought to find ways to provide real work for people in the real world. These should be the things that we are known for. I'm not against Christian themed movies. My next project after this one is more or less that. But I am also for Christians doing art and business that is simply good art and good business.

Those are the biggies...but there is one more unexpected side effect to all of this movie making madness. I didn't see it coming, but I would add it as #5:

5. Collaborating with others in the city. Most people in my life on a daily basis are part of VCC, my church. I have met more non-VCC people in the last two weeks in Cincinnati than in the entire two years I have lived here. Some of them are becoming friends. Just finding locations has allowed me to become friends with JC and Lynwood Battle. They have an amazingly progressive funeral home in Avondale called JC Battle and Sons. The stuff they do is amazing. They have a dream for their community to change and for people to see their business as a place to belong. Then there is Glenn from Phat Man's Dairy Bar on Route 4 near By-pass 4. He's a good guy who is gonna let us film there one day. Same with Bill over at the Athenian diner on Reading Road in Sharonville. He's so excited to open up his place. I could go on and on...I feel like I have the city covered now. If I am in Milford or Cleves or Western Hills or Hamilton I have friends I can drop in on. This whole project in some strange way is making me feel like a real Cincinnatian for the first time.

And I haven't talked about the amazing Amish family near Friendship, Indiana who opened up their home to us yesterday. They gave us fresh pie and coffee. They taught me how to drive the buggy. They taught my kids how to ride a pony. They listened to the plot of my ridiculous movie and laughed...then they offered their barn to shoot in and literally gave us the clothes off their back so that our actor kids can look like real Amish kids. I am simply not the kind of guy who is going to visit an Amish farm or an inner city funeral parlor unless I'm producing this movie. It's not (all) about making a movie. It is also about all the other...possibly better...parts along the way.

T-minus 58 hours until the first call of "action." With all that is about to go down I may be tweeting more than blogging over the next month. Follow me on twitter if you want to hear how it goes.

Seemed Timely...

Don't kick the dog...and other lessons

Less that one week from principal photography on Hitting the Nuts. Rocking the Amish beard now. And returning about a bazillion emails an hour. Pre-production on a feature film is wonderfully chaotic. I'm one of those people who loves it when life comes at you so fast all you can do is react. I always thought that would be the best part of being President. It was my favorite part of The West Wing anyway.

That said, I hate it when I get stressed out with work and start to get frustrated or lose my temper with other people. (Usually those I love most - my wife, kids and dog...especially the dog. Not that I especially love the dog, but that I especially get angry with the dog. You probably knew what I meant though. I digress.) You'd think approaching my thirtieth year as a Jesus-follower I'd have that figured out by now. The reality is that when I get really busy and overwhelmed I start to change back into the immature guy I used to be. I hate that. My prayer is that I can excel as a project leader through this production while maintaining a gentle and calm spirit. That's the person I want to be...this will be a good test.

Beyond any stressors or character flaws, I'm having a blast. This is gonna be quite a ride...

2 weeks until "vacation"

The Vineyard has a generous vacation policy. Last year I was able to take three weeks in August to take a family trip to Disney World and hang out at home. This August I'm taking off three weeks to make Hitting the Nuts, a movie I have been working on for nearly four years. I predict that It will be the most wonderfully exhausting vacation ever. I'm really excited to finally shoot this movie that has been trapped in my head for years.

There is absolutely no way I could be doing the pre-production work now without the greatest team ever assembled in the history of Southwestern Ohio low budget indie films. This whole project gets more beautiful and amazing as more and more people join the team. The most fun thing for me is to see how all of my friends from my whole life are converging to see this project happen.

I spent my "day off" today finalizing some of our key locations. We found a school basement in Cleves that will be perfect for the basement of a funeral parlor and a little ice cream shop by my house that will double as a fried chicken restaurant. The people in Milford have been wonderful. We'll be shooting several scenes there at various restaurants and bars. We've got Cincinnati pretty much covered.

Then there are the actors - all the key roles are being played by friends of mine from LA, Vegas, NY and here in Cincy. It is amazing how our "industry" really works. Actors go on auditions all the time, but it is when your buddy makes a movie that you get a truly good part. It's ridiculously fun to be loyal to your friends. The same is true with most of the crew positions. Mark Denney, fellow Vineyardite and the director of my first feature film - The Road to Emmaus, PA - is the cinematographer. My buddies Sid and Sam from SoCal are the camera ops. Even my old friend Jeremy Settles from Las Vegas is helping us with some gear we need. Lots of others are blowing me away already with their talent and dedication. I'm just saying...my vacation is gonna be a blast.

Btw, there's still room for some extras if you want to be a part...just email Missy at dlomceo@gmail.com and she can plug you in...

Social Commentary

Fellow VCC'er Shannon Shackelford is part of our arts community. I asked her for permission to post this photograph on my blog. I found it interesting on several levels - any thoughts?

To see more of her stuff check out www.shannonangel.com or her Flickr page.

7 Years of Blogging - A Retrospective

I've kept this web journal for seven years now. A lot has changed in my life over those years. I'm really glad that I documented it, especially since I can't hardly remember things as I get older. I was in my twenties when I started blogging. I had a brand new baby boy and a two year old back then.

This post isn't so much about how much I have changed, but how much social networking has changed on the web in seven years. I loved blogging early on because I was an introvert who also enjoyed communicating my thoughts and ideas to people who might listen. Blogging allowed me to speak to my friends and family without actually calling them on the phone - and all at once. It was quite the social coupe for a guy strangely afraid of phone calls. Early on the thought of someone reading a blog who didn't know me seemed almost impossible...I mean how would they even find it in the first place? (I think that Google came to popularity soon after that.)

I remember feeling a big tension when blogger added the comments feature. All of sudden I had people talking back to me. That made it lose some of its introverted bliss. Now I had to actually engage in a two-way conversation...yuck. Plus, because of the nature of my opinions some of my comments were from anonymous haters. I turned comments off for a long time, but brought them back when they allowed the option to restrict anonymous comments.

When I moved to LA in 2005, blogger became even more important to me. There were several years where most of my posts were about my acting career. I enjoyed feeling like I could share that whole experience with those friends who had an interest in my life. Looking back on those years, this blog may have lost some of its insight, but maybe it just reflected where I was. I have had more insightful seasons than others. I do think it was more personal then...for better or worse.

Over the last 18 months, Facebook and Twitter have had a noticeable affect on this blog. I bought into Facebook early on. I like it a lot. It reminds me of why I started blogging in the first place. To my friend Brad's disappointment, I also Tweet. Though I am not sure if it will sustain itself over time. Since those networks allow me to post short daily thoughts, I've blogged less over the last few months. I am not sure what that will mean for the future of blogging, but I have no intent to quit.

Life is jam packed this summer...in a good way. I'll check back in here as I always have...even if it takes a few more days between posts.

Sneak Peek...

I turned in the second edit of my book to Standard Publishing last week. It is tentatively titled The Basiped Chronicles: The Long Night. Before that, we were calling it A Tale of Two Kingdoms. Regardless of what we call it, here is a small snippet of the first chapter. I can't share much of it online, but it's been such a part of what I have been doing lately, I wanted to share a little. It hasn't been finally edited yet, so even this will likely change some:

A flaming arrow buzzed through his gray stringy beard, barely missing his jugular. Head down and eyes closed, the old man sprinted through the darkening forest. His enemies pursued him on both sides. Guided by an inner quiet force, he blindly hurdled fallen logs and ducked his head just inches beneath low hanging tree limbs. The fiery darts assaulted him from all directions, embedding themselves into the outlying pines and firs as he sprinted past them.

Another flaming arrow reflected off the tail of his patched brown overcoat as if it were made of iron. The man sprinted faster, squeezing his eyelids tightly together as he ran.

He mumbled to himself as he flew along, “C’mon….c’mon. Get here already. I can’t hold on much longer.”

That’s when he heard it.

Tha-thud. Tha-thud. Tha-thud.

The sound grew louder and closer from behind him as he ran.

Tha-thud. Tha-thud. Tha-thud.

The man slowed to a jog. He opened his eyes for the first time in about an hour, turned to face his oncoming deliverer and smiled. As he turned he saw exactly what he had hoped for: his master, the warrior Prince of his Mountain Kingdom, barreling full force on horseback in his direction.

As the Prince drew near, the old man noticed fresh wounds on his master’s hands and arms. Bulging sweaty biceps bore the bloody slices of the enemy’s sword. Even his enormous white stead was wounded in the battle, with several simmering arrows still embedded in her hindquarters. The Prince wore plate mail battle armor, leather gloves and a plated helmet with an iron faceguard hiding his thick brown beard and long hair. He held his double-edged sword, called The Dunamas, in his right hand and the reins of the stallion in his left.

The old man stood mesmerized by his Prince’s approaching glory as another flaming arrow buzzed over his head. It wasn’t until the Prince said the man’s name that he again became aware of his surroundings.

“Pops!” the Prince yelled. He slid his sword in his scabbard and reached out his hand as his horse snorted. She sprinted at full speed toward the man. “Grab hold of my hand!” the Prince yelled.

Pops extended his hand. With one motion, the Prince snagged his friend and yanked him up to the rear of the horse. She never slowed her gallop.

“Hold on,” the Prince warned.

“Ho, Justice! Ho!” the Prince ordered his warhorse to halt and she promptly obeyed.

He intently surveyed the silent dark forest from her back. Then he screamed into the blackness, “Come out! Face your enemy and stop hiding like cowards!” At first nothing happened, but after a few moments the leaves and bushes began to rustle on either side of them.

“C’mon, come out now and show yourself,” the Prince spoke as if he were coaxing a housecat from its hiding place. Suddenly, a dark figure appeared in front of the Prince’s horse and to his right. A tall and menacing creature emerged, so black that he blended in with the night sky. He held a smoldering arrow at his side that lit up his right arm and thigh.

“Basiped?” he blurted.

“No,” said the Prince. “I am not. But I am their guardian.”

The dark figure snorted and kicked. He spat and muttered in an ugly unknown language. He lifted his flaming arrow, attached it to his bow and aimed straight for the Prince’s heart. Pops ducked behind the Prince in fear. With a twang, the arrow shot at the Prince. He quickly drew his sword, and sliced the arrow into two shards inches in front of his face. In a flash, the Prince dismounted and rushed his attacker. He suddenly beheaded his enemy with one arcing slice from The Dunamas.

more to come in March of 2010...

Greenlight.

Three years ago I wrote a screenplay. It took me about three weeks. Three years later, we're making it into a movie. It has been a loooong process, but I'm excited to announce that we will be shooting Hitting the Nuts this August in Cincinnati.

I've saved up enough vacation time to take off three weeks from VCC to make it happen. Friends are coming in from LA, Las Vegas, NY and Chicago to fill out the cast and crew. I couldn't think of a better way to spend my summer vacation this year. The idea of "chasing dreams" gets a lot of lip service out there, but for those who have done it...the chase can get very long and hard. That was the case with Nuts. I've always been excited to tell the story, but it was a long and sometimes frustrating journey to get it to this point. Now the easy part - making a movie.

If you'd like to help out during the shoot, we are looking for some background actors (extras) for day shoots between Aug 10-29. Email our Assistant Producer, Missy Whitis, at missy@housethatjackbuilt.org to get on the list.

I'm sure I'll have more things come up where people can help out as we get closer. I'll post things on here, facebook and twitter as they come up.

A special thanks to those of you who have been supportive over the last three years. It means a lot.

proof we went on vacation

A Decade

A decade ago I woke up, took a shower and got ready to go to work. I put on cargo shorts and a green t-shirt. (I've never really had to dress up to go to work.) As I was getting ready to leave I noticed that Debbie was sitting up in bed. She was having "funny pains in her back." Being a master of logic, I put a few things together and took her to the hospital to be checked out. Turns out my intuitions were correct. She was in labor. By the end of the that day, I was a dad. My young wife was a mom. And Elijah Christopher Douglas was our son.

We are celebrating today by getting a tour of the US Capitol Building. (He seems excited, though he is afraid we will just "look at a bunch of people typing." I'm a little worried be may be right.) He has requested California Pizza Kitchen for dinner. We're about as far away from California as you can get in the USA, but I think we have found one here.

All said, the last decade has been the best yet in my life. Happy birthday, Eli. Six more of these and your driving. Eight more and your graduating. Eleven more and your buying me a beer. But let's not rush to those birthdays. My personal experience is that ten can be even better than those if you give it a chance. We have 365 days of being ten years old together. I couldn't love you more or be more happy to be your dad.

Dollar Car Wash Spreads...

Check out this local news story from River Valley Community Church in Mishewaka, Indiana...

Discuss:

Just posted this on twitter and facebook. Looking for your thoughts:

what are the real american idols? what do we ultimately respect, honor, trust? who/what completely controls our lives? - what do we trust?

Wanna Pray?

I remember sitting down with a notebook about seven years ago and brainstorming everything I'd like to do over the next decade. I wrote things down like "I'd like to be a pastor, filmmaker and author." It seemed so exciting back then to dream about a multi-layered career path that involved many different forms of storytelling. It seemed rather pie in the sky though.

Flash forward to this week and I'm fighting off TMJ, migraines and acne because I'm secretly stressed over all my little ventures. My body tells me when I'm stressed. I rarely feel much different emotionally, but when I start getting strange pains and ailments I know what's going down. It's funny how dreams realized can turn into stress. I'm helping to lead a beautiful church. I'm in the final stages of editing my first book and working to finalize financing on a movie project I've been trying to make for three years. All my dreams came churning up in one month. It's great...and strangely stressful. There's nothing worse than someone who complains when they get want they want. I'm really not complaining at all. Just confessing. If you a person who does that prayer thing, I could use a little supernatural help on all fronts this month - maintaining creativity, integrity and passion in the midst of a busy season. I have a meeting this week to try to wrap up investors for the film project. I'm beyond ready to actually tell that story instead of talking about telling it. I've saved up three weeks vacation to film it in August and just pray that God works it all out to get the green light.

In the mean time, I'm speaking again this weekend at VCC on idol worship. Pray that it comes together. I've also been working today on our August series at church - trying to find the right angle to teach around the issues of being a people who invite, include, and practice hospitality. These are wonderful tasks to be entrusted with. If you could, ask Father to give me a little extra wisdom, energy and clarity this week....and a little less pain in my right jaw.

Loving Each Other as Missional Strategy

This weekend at The Vineyard I wrapped up our series on the Nicene Creed with the idea that theological study is virtually useless without an honest expression of love. I wanted to take a few minutes to discuss something that I didn't have time to unpack in the message.

I used the entirety of John 13 as a primary text. I'd like to point out these verses in particular:

34"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. 35By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." (Jesus in John 13:34-35, NIV)

Here is an explicit statement of strategy from Jesus to his disciples regarding the expansion of the Kingdom. It is my hunch that many of us tend to miss this strategic mandate on two different levels.

The first is a blatant disregard for primacy of love in our faith. We read these verses but we really don't believe that Jesus is accurate on this point. We explore and invent a myriad of strategies other than love to try to show the world that we are on Jesus' team. It is not by our knowledge that all men will know we are with Jesus. Not our power or our ideas or cultural awareness. It's not our worship style or ecclesial construct. It's love. Love is what "outsiders" to our faith notice first and foremost about true followers of Jesus.

The second dangerous oversight for us in this passage is missing whom Jesus says is the receiver of our love. He tells us to love one another. In loving one another we create a community so dynamic and countercultural that "all men" will look toward us in amazement full of wonder and intrigue. Our missional strategy is to love each other so rightly and radically that those outside of the faith will long to be invited into it.

At The Vineyard our mission statement is to love the people of Cincinnati into a relationship with Jesus Christ and to give away to the world all that God has given us. I love that mission. It creates an outward focused church with a laser focus on the people of our city. Our mission truly lived out creates selfless missionaries fully devoted to Jesus and the Kingdom.

Here's the rub though: we cannot love the world until and unless we first love each other. If we are not careful, we could become outward focused in practice without the base of a true servant community. That would be the ultimate bait and switch: we'll love you until you are one of us, then when you want in, the love stops.

Another way to say it is this - truly loving your family, your small group and your close Kingdom friends is a form (perhaps the most fundamental form) of evangelism. One genuine Christian community addicted to love and selflessness is the greatest advertisement there is for the gospel of Christ. Precisely because most people innately know such a community cannot be sustained within normal depraved people. Something supernatural must be going on when broken people genuinely love one another deeply without agenda. Loving other disciples is a central part of what it means to live an outward focused life.

This in no way lessens our resolve to love those outside of our community. To say so is paramount to saying that if I choose to love my wife more deeply I must therefore love my children less. There is no fear of scarcity in agape love. The more we love each other, the more we will love the world. As the love between Father, Son and Spirit flows from their very essence outside of themselves and onto all humanity, so our love for one another spills onto the world around us.

If you have ten minutes, read this ancient letter on the same subject...

Raven Run - Discussion?

I watched this ESPN Outside the Lines report twice today. For some reason it is really captivating me. I find myself going through a lot of different emotions as I watch it. Part of me feels bad for the guy...and I don't know why. Part of me is highly impressed, maybe even jealous of him. This story is full of statements about persistence, community, and the human condition. I'd love to see your thoughts in the comment section.

Steve Fuller

I used to say that Steve was my best friend whom I had never met. Now we have officially socialized twice in the real world, so I'll say he is my best friend I have only seen twice in my life. My take on Steve is that he is a good guy trying to become a better guy. I see him as a struggler aware of his struggles. He's on a journey now where he is visiting different churches and places of worship for 52 straight weeks. The Cincinnati underground newspaper, Cin Weekly, did a cover article on him this week.

You can check out that article by clicking here.

Or head straight over to Steve's blog by clicking here.

Reflections on Vineyard USA Leadership Conference

Dave Workman and I spent the entire week in Galveston for the bi-annual gathering of leaders in the Vineyard Movement. I have several thoughts that are unformulated. This blog may help me formulate them...or it may just ramble on and on. Read at your own risk.

1. Thought: Everyone needs a tribe.

The Vineyard Movement was the first people group that I encountered (long before I was a part of it) who identified themselves as a "spiritual tribe." My earliest Vineyard contacts were the guys over at Vineyard Central - Kevin Rains and Dave Nixon. I remember them using tribal language vs. denominational language back in the 1990's. Something about that appealed to me. My original spiritual tribe is the independent Christian Churches/Churches of Christ. I've struggled personally in that I'm not sure where I belong in my original tribe. I rejected some of my tribe's tenants, but never felt like I officially "left" it. (I don't even know if that is possible.) At the same time, I wasn't a very good tribe member. I had no desire to change my tribe - just to change me. The more I changed the less I felt like them, so the less I interacted. But...I miss them. Seeing everyone at the Vineyard Conference embrace and laugh reminded me of all the relationships form my past that seem paused in 1995. Like all my good Catholic friends who are now protestant, I feel that tension that I am now the product of both my old tribe and my new one. I don't think about it much, but it is always there. It creates a feeling of spiritual homelessness and rootlessness at times. The Vineyard Movement is my new tribe. It's exciting, but also a little exhausting to think about taking the time to be engrafted into a new people. (I'm not speaking of VCC - I feel fully accepted at my church. It's the larger movement that I feel a little lost in.)

On a larger scale, I feel like many people my age and younger who have been part of historically younger movements like the Vineyard or the emerging church or even Willow/Saddleback will begin to feel rootless. The older we get the more we will see that all of our reforming and re-inventing and rethinking led us away from being engrafted into a deeply historical family. Movements like the Vineyard and Willowback are at a place where the next generation of leaders must emerge. It will be hard for the innovators to let go. The emerging/emergent tribes will also hit this wall in the decades to come. (I was an early innovator in this "tribe" but grew less interested in maintaining the effort to influence others as I was seeking something deeper in my own life. I remember the youthful enthusiasm and excitement and passion in our early discussions with Leadership Network in the mid-nineties. My prayer for my friends who remained as influencers is that they will hand over influence to the next generation sooner than later.)

Ultimately I see myself as trans-tribal. Truth be told I feel as connected to the international improv or acting community as I do any church tribe. I was very engrafted into the the simple/organic/house church tribe for many years. Those guys and gals are sill amazing friends, but again I moved on. This is the rebel pilgrim in me I suppose. Always moving on...(see the previous post), but moving on at some point feels exhausting and perhaps even neurotic. I'm happy to be a Vineyardite. I hope I grow roots here for a long time.

2. Thought: Kingdom Theology

I'm noticing that many streams and tribes of the faith are beginning to find common ground around the centrality of the Kingdom of God in the Christian message. The Vineyard was a Kingdom movement from early on. It was the Kingdom language on the Vineyard USA and VCC websites that most significantly attracted me to my current post. (That and Dave's persona and the few dozen miracles that got me here.) Historically, the Vineyard has brought the Holy Spirit power and naturally supernatural elements of the Kingdom where it has gone. The movement generally found a way to be supernatural without being showy or gratuitous. This both appeals to me and stretches me. (I was raised a cessationalist but never fully bought into that. I approach it all with hopeful wonder and a little skepticism. When the Kingdom comes, anything can happen...)

However, I came to the same Kingdom theology through academicians like Dallas Willard, Stanley Hauerwas, Will Willimon, Hans Kung, N.T. Wright and John Howard Yoder. This was less about miracles and more about the real socio-political rule of Jesus the King. Signs and wonders actually became less important to me as I began to see the social, economic and relational impact of the Kingdom coming.

The Neo-Reformed tribe is also swimming in the Kingdom stream. I've learned a lot for people like Tim Keller. I love his stuff on the Kingdom coming as a new city from God.

(An aside - I just realized that maybe the fact that my influencers above are Methodist, Mennonite, Catholic, Presbyterian, Anglican, Pentecostal and Quaker have something to do with my rootlessness :)

All this Kingdom centrality gives me hope that God is doing something in the realm of the American church. What if the streams continue to merge into Holy Spirit directed unity on Kingdom issues? What if signs and wonders meet socio-econo-political reformation under Jesus? What if the post-liberals and post-conservatives find common ground in the coming Kingdom? It is exciting to think about. It may be what God is doing in post-Christendom America. I'm not sure the Kingdom would fully come along side Christendom anyway.

3. Last Thought for today: Children Matter.

Wess Stafford, the director of Compassion International, spoke the last day of the conference. He broke my heart. It's been a long time since a speaker really broke me. I'm going to read his book, Too Small to Ignore when I get it next week. His story is amazing and his voice needs to be heard as loudly within the Kingdom minded churches as it has been elsewhere. I'll post a review after I read his book.

I may have more to say later, but this concludes our therapy session. Thanks for listening. Send the bill to Humana.

Moving On vs. Pushing Through

Sometimes life is about moving on. Sometimes it is about pushing through. I find it incredibly difficult to know the difference.

Let's take your favorite high school sport. Most kids start little league or pee wee football thinking that they could possibly grow up to play in the pros. The vast majority of them will not make it. Many of them will be good. They may be the star of their high school team or even get a college scholarship. Very few will completely fulfill their professional dreams though. That's OK. It is hard to see someone who was the starting quarterback in high school still trying to recapture their glory days a few decades later. We want to scream, "move on!"

Then, of course, there are those great American stories of perseverance. The Reds have a new third basement this week, Adam Rosales. He's a classic old-timey charlie hustle kind of player. His minor league teammates even gave him the nickname, "Pete Rose-alas" because he sprints to first on walks and plays with Pete's inspiring passion. He was told countless times by his own coaches that he would never make it to the majors, but he kept at it and here he is. He persevered instead of moving on. That's inspiring.

The problem is that we never hear the stories (there are millions) of people who chased a dream and failed miserably. For instance, no matter how much I may want to play for the Reds, I never will. They make Disney movies about thirty-somethings quitting their jobs and becoming professional athletes, but that isn't real life. (OK, those movies are based on real life, but that even underscores the point. Every time an old guy does the impossible they get Mark Wahlberg or Dennis Quaid signed on and throw millions at a film to inspire us all again...and to sell tickets and popcorn.)

The point is this...if guys like Adam Rosales or the real guys those movies were based on (Vince Papale and Jim Morris) gave up, how lame would their story have been? On the flip side, you still want to shake your neighbor to death when he starts to tell you that he'd be starting for the Yankees if they'd just give him a chance. These are extreme examples of real life dilemmas that we all face: when do you move on? when do you push through?

I thought I had moved on once. I really believed that I had given the vocational pastor thing a solid run. I was finished. I took a new career and started chasing the next dream. Then I found out five years later that I was only really taking a break. Here I am again. Now many of my new dilemmas stem from that second career that was left somewhat unfinished. I'm a member of the Screen Actor's Guild, but I had stopped paying my dues when I moved here. There aren't a lot of SAG jobs in Cincinnati anyway. Plus, I have to turn down most of the real auditions I get here because I have a real job now and they don't work well with my schedule. I'm not a working actor anymore. That's OK. But I had to do some soul searching this week. SAG sent me a friendly letter telling me to pay up by May 1 or kiss my membership goodbye. It's very difficult to get into SAG and even harder to get back in when they dispose of you. "Moving on" would mean no more SAG roles in my future, or possibly paying thousands of dollars to get back in someday.

I had decided to "move on" and not be that guy who lives in the past. I have no desire to move back to LA and do that drill again. I want to do my job here for a long time. I'm happy here and it feels right. But I just couldn't do it. I paid up at the last minute. Now I'm officially a professional actor who makes no money acting - at least for another year. Maybe it's just too hard to let something that was such a part of me die. Maybe it says something about me that I couldn't turn in my card. Maybe I am that guy. Crap.

Or maybe it will all integrate. Maybe I'll produce my own SAG movies here in Cincinnati and it will all make sense. Maybe I'll get to play Middle Age Guy #4 in the next blockbuster movie that comes to town. Maybe I need to hold onto it because that part of my story informs and shapes this part of my story. Maybe.

I'm just saying it's complicated. My hunch is that we all have something that complicated in our lives.

Gonna go watch the Reds beat the Pirates now. Adam Rosales just popped up to center. Poor kid. He'll never make it.

Can a scientist believe in the resurrection?

As a follow up to this week's teaching at The Vineyard, I submit a lecture by N.T. Wright. Click at your own risk. You'll need your thinking cap and an hour to burn. The first man to speak isn't Wright. You can skip the first five minutes of introduction to get to the lecture if you'd like:

N.T. Wright Lecture on the Resurrection.

Who is God?

FPU Endorsement

Debbie and I began Financial Peace University (Dave Ramsey) back in January. We just finished the last of the thirteen weeks today. There was a time in my life when I would not have been in the state of mind to embrace something like FPU. Ramsey is great at what he does, but he's not exactly my preferred style of teacher. I'm also hardwired to react negatively to any "system" that claims to change your life. No system works all the time and sometimes systems used improperly can cause more hard than good. To top it off, I have a hunch that Dave Ramsey and myself may have different political and theological positions on more than a few issues.

That said, I was ready to submit to someone - anyone - who could take some of the fear, frustration and guess work out of my personal finances. After five years of freelance income, three major relocations and more than our share of financial instability, we knew it was time to get back on track. I decided to go into Ramsey's classes with a posture of submission. I would do whatever he told me, even if I disagreed with it, for thirteen weeks. I could do anything for three months. And today is the day I am allowed to stop submitting to him. But I won't. Submitting to his common sense financial worldview has already changed our lives and improved our marriage. Over the last 13 weeks we have reduced our consumer debt, including our car loans, by more than 20%. We've established an emergency savings account, pre-paid for this summer's vacation, and reduced our monthly utility and grocery bills by almost 50%. The amazing thing is that I already knew how to do all of those things. Submitting to this process was the key. I learned a lot for sure, but I knew how to do the basics - budget, save, plan. I just wasn't really doing what I already knew how to do.

It's made me realize that I have spent most of my adult life not committing to systems because I see the flaws in them. That generally doesn't really work for me. I end up alone and frustrated. When it comes to being more disciplined it probably starts with submission. Seems like you can't be a disciple until you submit. That's what I really learned in FPU...

Real Hollywood Ending

You know all those trite sports movies that end with the underdog becoming the star of the team...

Next at VCC: The Creed

Then Jesus said to them, "Whoever welcomes this little child in my name welcomes me; and whoever welcomes me welcomes the one who sent me. For he who is least among you all—he is the greatest."
"Master," said John, "we saw a man driving out demons in your name and we tried to stop him, because he is not one of us."
"Do not stop him," Jesus said, "for whoever is not against you is for you." (Luke 9:48-50, NIV)



Jesus was scolding the other eleven disciples for their immaturity and power grabbing, but John’s thoughts were elsewhere. He impatiently held his tongue waiting for Jesus to finish speaking. He had a secret. A big, fat, juicy I-have-to-tell-this-right-now kind of secret. At the exact moment Jesus finished his statement with the words, “...he is the greatest,” John squealed:

“We saw an imposter today!”

The other disciples snapped their eyes back in his direction. A few of them – those who had been with him earlier - nodded in agreement. Jesus furrowed his brow, staring back at the secret-teller.

“Just a while ago,” John continued. “Over near the Temple. He was driving out demons!”

Jesus raised both eyebrows, projecting a silent, “so what?”

John leaned in and whispered back to protect his master’s reputation, “he was doing it...in your name.”

The other disciples mumbled. In Jesus’ name? Somebody we don’t even know? Somebody other than us is pretending to know Jesus? It was unheard of.

“So what did you do?” asked Jesus.

“We tried to stop him,” confessed John. “I told him straight up that he wasn’t one of us, so he wasn’t allowed to do anything in your name....but he just kept doing it...”

“And it worked,” interrupted one of the others, collaborating.

Jesus scanned their faces. What did he know in that moment? How many times over the next decade would they encounter renegades throwing Jesus’ name about in the strangest of ways? How many future petty debates would tempt them away from their real mission? How many territorial distractions lay dormant in the present waiting to overtake them in the future? Jesus knew that his disciples would have real enemies who would want them silenced, humiliated and killed. Some strange Jesus-follower doing different, but effective, ministry was not the real enemy. Not even close.

“Don’t stop him,” Jesus said. They looked back at him with those ever-present masks of confusion on their faces. “If they are not against you,” Jesus continued, “then they are for you.”

It was this same secret-teller, John, who would record these words of Jesus in his gospel:

So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other. Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples.” (John 13:34-35, NLT)

Did you catch the secret plan to prove to the world that we are with Jesus? Those outside the Kingdom will know Jesus by the love that believers have for other believers. No territories. No divisions. No mini-kingdoms. Just radical love for the ones who also love Jesus, even and especially the ones who aren’t exactly “with us.”

About 300 years after John wrote those words, St. Augustine is credited with this statement: “In essentials unity, in non-essentials liberty, in all things love.” That unity mantra has passed through the lips of many Christian reformers over the previous sixteen centuries. But what are these essential things that demand unity? What are the most basic of truths recorded in Scripture that make us, for lack a better way of saying it, Christian?

Early in the history of the Christian movement, church leaders gathered from all over the world over the span of several generations to reach agreement on these essential beliefs. Through the years we have seen dramatic rifts and divisions in the Christian faith on the non-essentials, but through it all the essentials have managed to remain, more or less, the essentials. We battle over some of the words here and there, but it is these truths--these ideals--these realities that unify us. They are recorded in the Bible, written on our hearts, and summarized by our earliest church fathers in the Creed:

We believe in God, the Father almighty, creator of heaven and earth.
We believe in Jesus Christ, his only Son, our Lord. He was conceived by the power of the Holy Spirit and born of the Virgin Mary. He suffered under Pontius Pilate, was crucified, died, and was buried and on the third day he rose again. He ascended into heaven and is seated at the right hand of God the Father Almighty. He will come again to judge the living and the dead.
We believe in the Holy Spirit, the holy catholic Church, the communion of saints, the forgiveness of sins, the resurrection of the body, and the life everlasting.
Amen.

The Vineyard will launch a new six-week series on April 18/19 called The Creed. We’ll look at those beliefs that form us--God as Father, Son and Spirit, the church, communion of the saints, forgiveness of sin, resurrection and everlasting life. For those of us new to the journey, this series will set a foundation for all that is to follow in our walk with God. For the rest of us, looking at the Creed will help us continue to reset our faith as we strive toward that which is perfect--true love for God and the people around us.

Like John in the story above, we have a tendency to focus on those around us who love God differently than we do. We focus on our dissimilarities and disagreements at the expense of the essential things. Like John, we focus on the distractions more than Jesus. Perhaps if John had actually heard Jesus say, “Whoever welcomes this little child in my name welcomes me; and whoever welcomes me welcomes the one who sent me. For he who is least among you all--he is the greatest,” he would have kept his secret to himself.

Join us each weekend after Easter in a spirit of unity, love and humility as we study the essential things of our faith in The Creed.

Finishing.

Later, knowing that all was now completed, and so that the Scripture would be fulfilled, Jesus said, "I am thirsty." A jar of wine vinegar was there, so they soaked a sponge in it, put the sponge on a stalk of the hyssop plant, and lifted it to Jesus' lips. When he had received the drink, Jesus said, "It is finished." With that, he bowed his head and gave up his spirit. -John 19:28-30

Jesus finishes. Good Friday shows us many things. One thing it shows us about the character of Jesus is that he is willing to finish what he starts. This season of my life is a season of finishing some things I've started. There is always some death associated in finishing.

I love starting things more than anything in the world. I love new ideas, new challenges, blank pages and visionary dreams. I like thinking that being created in God's images means we are all destined to become little creators. We can make amazing things out of nothing. Simply by willing it, we can create new stories or books or movies or artwork or buildings or businesses or nations. I love new beginnings.

I also love having finished things. I love reading the last page of a massive book and knowing it has been slain. As a producer, I love it when the film is on a DVD sitting on a shelf or when the play ends with a final bow. There's something incredibly satisfying about being finished.

Here's what I don't love: finishing. Every project I have ever started has had a moment when I want to give up. Even the smallest of projects. I mowed my lawn yesterday and 3/4 of the way through I really wanted to quit. If I go for a three mile run, I will want to quit after two. Whenever I speak on the weekends at VCC, I hit a moment in the preparation where I wish that I could just fast forward and not have to actually finish. I can't imagine it coming together, but I have to push on and finish. I'm editing my first book right now and everything in me wants to just snap my fingers and jump to the day when it is already complete and printed. I don't want to do the hard work of fixing it. Finishing is always hard for me. I've been "finishing" one particular film project for over two years now. I wrote the script in two weeks. That was the easy part. Finishing is hard.

All of my little projects are nothing compared to what Jesus had to finish on the cross. Part of me hates to even draw the comparison, but seeing him as a finisher is what helps me finish my little things. Especially when I remember that Jesus did not always want to finish. He asked the Father for permission to bypass the cross:

Going a little farther, Jesus fell with his face to the ground and prayed, "My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will."

The Father willed the plan finished and Jesus obeyed even when he didn't fell like it. That's what Good Friday is about. Jesus finishing God's agenda. I want to someday be known as a finisher as much as I am known as a starter. I want to be more like Jesus. Yesterday was my thirty-sixth birthday. Sunday is the twenty-eighth anniversary of the day my family entered the Kingdom. I'm praying that this next year of my life is the year I learn to what it means to obediently finish assignments the way Jesus did.

Eli's Day

Today was a good day in spite of the mid-afternoon April snow shower and the Reds losing on opening day. Today was all about Eli Boyd. We slept in (ok...that part was really about me) and then headed out on a twelve hour road trip. It began at the Waffle House in Monroe. He liked the bacon, but not the chocolate chip waffle. (The rest of my day included a constant stomachache. I think I've had my last Waffle House breakfast for a while.)

From there it was off to COSI in downtown Columbus. He had been when he was four years old while visiting my parents, but couldn't remember it. We actually had a coupon and both of us got in for less than $15. That was a heck of a value. I've been to my share of children's science museums around the country and COSI might be the best. I grew up going there on school field trips every year. It's in a new (and better) building now, but there's something about seeing your kid experience the same things that you did at the same age. He had a good time.

From there we headed over to Easton and ate at one of Eli's favorite restaurants, California Pizza Kitchen. There isn't one near our house. He thought they were only in California, so he was very excited when we pulled in.

His last request was a stop at Target where he spent every allowance dollar to his name on a big lego kit. It took him twenty minutes to decide which one to get. He takes the purchase of legos very seriously. I popped for Airheads at the checkout line. (He has terrible taste in candy.) He slept all the way home. When he was little he always slept in the car, but rarely does anymore. It seemed right somehow. We had several great talks throughout the day about God and life. Nothing major happened, but I have a feeling that neither of us will ever forget today.

Treasures and Worries

I just posted the Bible Study on Matthew 6:19-34 here.

Get your Q City on...

We have an improv show this friday night. Here are the stats:

WHEN:
Friday, April 3rd
8-10 pm
(doors open at 7:30, come early for the best seats)

WHERE:
Ballet Tech Cincinnati
6543 Montgomery Rd
Cincinnati, OH 45213
513-841-2822

HOW MUCH:
$5 per person at the door

God as Father

Just posted a study on Matthew 6:1-18 over on the bible study blog.

Punch Drunk Love.

I've been a little melancholy lately as I watch my boys grow up. I had an altercation with my neighbor's son's friends this week. They're about 16 or 17. They were drunk and hanging out in the middle of the street. As I turned the corner to pull into our subdivision I nearly hit one of them. He yelled back calling me an ass---. In my rear view mirror I could see him calling me back, evidently wanting a fight. I avoid conflict. But this is my next door neighbor's "guest" calling me out of my car at 8:00 on a Saturday night. I put the car in reverse and went back to talk to him. The brave kid got in his car and closed the door. My neighbor kid apologized for him and said, "he's just really drunk." It was in that moment that I found myself trapped in between two worlds. I remembered all my buddies from high school who would drink every Saturday night in ninth and tenth grade...many of them began to get drunk at lunch everyday our senior year. But as quickly as I had that thought, I saw my kids' eyes in those teenagers. Eli is only six years younger than these kids. I'm almost twenty years older than them. I'm starting to see life through my kids' eyes more than my own these days.

I came inside and told my kids what happened. They couldn't believe it.

"Kids were drinking? Alcohol? Isn't that illegal?"

We talked about it some. It struck me that it will only be a few short years until my kids will be sitting in a car in some neighborhood with their friends. Who knows if what I say in this moment will affect their behavior in that one? I didn't drink in high school primarily because I was a religious Pharisee in the making. I did rebel in other areas though. I rebelled even more as an adult. Everyone rebels. Lots of my buddies who partied all through high school seem to have turned out just fine, though some are junkies and alcoholics now. I'm not sure what I am saying except that I hope my kids let me walk this stuff out with them as much as is possible.

I went to bed last night with a heavy heart. I thought about how life unmercilessly grinds forward. I can't keep my kids at nine and seven. Truth be told, I'd hit the pause button and stay here for a while if I could. I didn't really thrive in the baby stage and I'm scared to death of puberty. This is the sweet spot, and it's just like me to get sad because of how happy I am. I'm an emotional mess that way.

Last night something happened that doesn't often happen anymore. Eli got up in the middle of the night and asked to sleep in our bed. It's been months since he's done that. He snuggled in between us and instantly fell asleep. About an hour later, Aidan came in with the same request. Our queen size bed doesn't hold the four of us, but there was no way I was letting that moment slip away. I had a terrible night's sleep, but it was just what I needed. I wouldn't have changed it for the world.

Kingdom Snapshots.

Just posted week four of seven of the Sermon on the Mount virtual Bible study. Check it out here if you're interested.