Show me depressed..."Oh, I'm good at that one!"

It seemed rather vain to keep putting pictures of myself on my blog, but then I thought: What's more vain than having a blog in the first place? Since this journal is about my life and this week of my life has largely been about my new headshots, I figure I'll show off a few of my favorites. This one will be sent in for the CSI-ish shows. It reminds me of the guy on HOUSE for some reason. My agent hates my hair in this picture, but I'm going to keep it anyway. There is a lot of Joe in this picture. If that makes sense.

And...I booked again! (yea!), but it's still rather low pay (boo!). $100/day plus meals and gas money. I'd take that everyday if I could get it I guess. It shoots one or two days next week. I play a second grade teacher for a company that makes instuctional videos for the LA school district. I'll be working with little kids for the first time. We'll see how that goes.

I'm a little discouraged with no callbacks from the last few big SAG commercial auditions. I really thought that I nailed the DELL spot. They still may call, but at three days out, probably not. We are still doing well here and haven't gone seven days without a Las Vegas visitor, thanks to a surprise visit from Doug last night.

New Headshots!!

I just returned from a four hour photo shoot! I have over 400 pictures to go through now to choose 6 to post on the casting websites and 2 or 3 to mass reproduce for paper submissions. I couldn't be more pleased with my photographer (Dan Chapman, if you are looking...) or my proofs. My agent saw them and said, "We have a lot of work to do...these are all great."

I'm so glad that my first Hollywood headshots were actually the fourth time that I have had them taken. I finally know the different types and characters that I can play, and more importantly, the types that I get called into auditions for.

Tonight I have to trim them down to 50 so that my agents can make the final decisions. (My agents used to be managers, which bleeds through. I really like it that way. Everytime I see them they pretty much tell me what to do. (ie: get a haircut, don't wear that shirt in public, don't lose any more weight, etc.) In a business where nobody generally gives a crap about anyone else, its nice to know they care, even if it's mainly about the 10% they get from me. Advocates and blunt suggestions are harder to come by then you might think.

4 Auditions, 3 Shirts

I had a good audition for a Dell spot yesterday. It was the best I've felt in a long time afterward. We''ll see. Tomorrow I have three auditions: one for the LA school district, one for Diet Pepsi, and another for Pioneer. Tuesday I go to get my new headshots. I'm excited about having them taken so that I can have more options when submitting to people. Hopefully they will help me get more theatrical (film and TV) auditions. I have some new snappy shirts to wear. I guess if nothing else I get 3 snappy shirts out of the deal. One can never have too many snappy shirts.

Back To One!

The first time I was on a movie set they kept saying that and I had no idea what they wanted me to do...(see title). It means go back where you started and do the scene again. So...

Back to work! I had a rehearsal today for the comedic short that I will be shooting tomorrow and Saturday. It's funny...not very high brow, but funny. (There are more than a few farts throughout.) I have 7:00 am calls the next two days, so it will be early to bed, early to rise. Well, early to rise anyway.

Of course, I got called in for a great audition tomorrow which I can't do because of the shoot. It's a Volvo commercial that shoots for 7 days in Hawaii at 500 per day plus travel, food, 4 star hotel, etc. My agent is trying to get me an audition at the callbacks Monday, but I haven't read for this casting director yet, so that may not happen.

We signed up Aidan for pre-school today. Three days per week for the mornings. I think he will really like it. He always likes being in classes when we go to different churches. Eli finally said that he is excited about first grade. (He's not as big a fan of the classroom setting.) I hope he likes it.

I had to take the Keirsey temperament analysis for the first time ever. I came out an "INTP". It said I should consider being a mathematician or a linguist...the only two subjects in high school that I hated and didn't get A's in. But, also on the list were actor, writer and fine artist. The very first position on the "least common career choices" was "leader of religious organization." Hmmm....

It also said that other people with my personality were Plato, Einstein, Sartre, Descartes, Jung, and Tiger Woods. Which only proves if I was smarter or able to play g0lf I might have amounted to something by now. (I'm pretty sure that was a debasing self-destructive comment common to us INTP's...) It's really cool to say, "I don't believe in personality tests," so I'll say it now. I don't believe in personality tests. Too bad there's something to them.

I found at essay online about INTP's. We are less than 1% of humanity...so that explains a lot. Also, it says that many INTP's become artistic photographers. I can't tell you how many times I've thought about that. I've always suspected that I can see beauty...I just can't create it with paint or pencil. I'm mainly intimidated by the actual equipment, cameras, etc. It's time to move past that. I'm going to start becoming a photographer now. Read the essay here if you want.

Cuts, Bruises and Multiple Piercings

We took a few hits this weekend. Nothing major really, but lets just say we have been using our new health insurance. Eli cut his foot on a rock at the beach a few days ago. He's been to the doctor twice and they assure us that it's not a very deep cut, but he has it bandaged and hasn't been able to walk for three days. He's been crawling and hopping around the house.

Aidan followed suit by falling off the chair at the dinner table and injuring his finger. We don't think it's broken but it is very swollen and he reinjures it every few hours. I spoke at six church services this weekend and my throat is angry with me. I'm a little out of practice with the whole multiple church service thing...it can be more physically taxing than most people realize. Somehow Debbie has remained healthy, which is good since she is the bread winner now and all.

A few interesting things from tinseltown: 1. I booked another short film that shoots this weekend. It's very funny, in a potty-humor/SNL sort of way. I play the lead. It will be good to get in front of the camera again. 2. I have an appointment next week for new headshots with a fancy Hollywood photographer. My sessions in Las Vegas lasted about 20 minutes, this one will be 3 hours. I don't love photo sessions, but its part of it and I finally have a grasp on the sort of pictures that I need to get auditions I want. 3. I met a few interesting people at church with Hollywood connections. They are very excited about trying to help me, which is unexpected and exciting.

And oh yeah, Dennis Rodman was at church this Sunday and heard me speak, though I had no idea he was there and didn't see him myself. So...that's something I guess. A friend of mine went up to him and welcomed him, but she called him "Rodney." He didn't correct her.

I could have walked faster

I spent most of today on the 405. To be more exact, I spent over two hours on a ten mile stretch of the 405 between Santa Monica Boulavard and LAX. Friday afternoon traffic is the worst. I had planned on taking the 5 home, but the radio said to avoid it. It wasn't really as frustrating as you might think. I think I'm still just happy to be here. I didn't even plan on going into LA today but my agent had me drop off my headshots at a few places, one of which was CBS Studio City. The sumbission was for some comedy sketches on the Late Late Show. I normally watch Conan, so I had better catch an episode in case they call me in.

I taught on Jacob tonight at Lifelines. He was a real piece of work if you think about it. I told the story, but I still can't get my hands around God's capacity to bless such a selfish, manipulative jerk. That may be the point, maybe I'm that big of a jerk and God blesses me anyway. Who knows?

It has been a very Vegas weekend here. I saw Sean O'hair and Dale Neven in Hollywood yesterday, then Tim Dunfield and Gene-o were playing at a coffee shop last night in Fullerton. Sabrina spending the weekend here too. It's nice to be with family.

We haven't gone more than seven days without seeing someone from home. It looks like that may continue for a while...I like it that way.

Midweek Update

My ever practical friend Doug Parks came to town two nights ago and planted many seeds of doubt regarding my plan to buy the Prius. Allen's comments made me a little suspicious as well. I think we will be looking for something cheaper that gets good gas mileage.

No auditions this week so far, but I have two tomorrow. Debbie has been working more and more with the catering company, which she seems to really enjoy. It's a little strange for both of us to be working...a little odd that we now have three part-time jobs between us, but overall things are good.

I'm teaching again at the main church services this weekend for The Crossing here in Costa Mesa. That means I have the Friday teaching, two on Saturday and three on Sunday. I can see a Sunday nap in my future. I'll link the weekend message to my blog next week for those of you interested.

Booked.

My auditions thus far have, by and large, fallen into one of two categories: 1.) An interesting part that pays next to nothing or 2.) An uninteresting or embarrassing role that pays a ridiculous amount of money. I got an offer today. It's a leading role in a short film. It shoots for two days in Bakersfield next month. They're going to put me up in a hotel and pay me "a few bucks." But hey, it's a job.

Maybe I could land that nice Easter Bunny role to pay the bills...

Prius probability: 90%.

Auditioning at 18 mpg

Well, so far so good with the new agent. Two days and two auditions: a Nissan commercial and a video game commercial in which I would play the Easter Bunny. Ain't show biz grand? I think that I'm up to twelve auditions now in the last two weeks, and only one actual offer...which I turned down because it would shoot during the only time that I cannot work because of my teaching commitment. It would have been fun, but it didn't pay much. I'm learning that I tend to provoke a bigger than normal response when I audition, but that doesn't really mean anything. Most people get a "thank you" and that's it. I often get things like, "we'll probably call you back" and "the best yet" and "try to keep next Friday open." So I leave feeling confident and still never hear from them. I'd rather be obviously dismissed than so heartlessly toyed with...though I have booked a few times when I was sure that I had a terrible audition. You really can never tell at all what will happen.

They say you do 50 auditions in LA before booking...and I guess I have technically booked once here, for the American Idol spot. I have to admit, it's still a blast just auditioning. I'm living someone else's life.

I put 1,000 miles on the van last week. At this rate I will spend $4,000 this year on gas just from auditions. So...we may be trading the family van in on a hybrid Toyota Prius. If we do, that will make us a little more hip and green and eco-lefty. The kids might have to grow dreadlocks or something. I sat in one at the dealership and it feels like you are driving something from the Jetsons. You push a button to start it. I'll keep you posted.

A Fair Day

We just returned from the Orange County Fair which is taking place about two miles from our house. A new friend of Debbie's gave us free tickets and a free parking pass, which was very nice. It wasn't too dissimilar from the Ohio State Fair, which I went to every summer in Columbus growing up. I was a little surprised by that: lots of livestock and corn dogs and annoying hecklers trying to get you to pay three dollars to throw a dart at a balloon. The rides were very expensive, so we only did a few. I have never bought a photo after a ride, but for some reason I wanted this one. Eli and I did the log ride while Aidan and mommy rode the huge farris wheel.

This is my first weekday without an audition for eight days. None scheduled tomorrow either. Though I do have one for Thursday. It's strange that after a great week you can easily get discourged on the first slow day. I did sign with a new agency yesterday. (Stage 9 Talent) Telling my old agent was MUCH more difficult than I expected. She seemed hurt and angry. It sucked, but I'm pretty sure it was the right way to go. Only time will tell...

Double Agents?

I am the rare exception who actually enjoys the "struggling" part of being an actor. It's really three jobs. The first is marketing/sales. Basically, creating a brand. My brand is me. It's fun to have something to sell to the world. It's weird that its me...but at least I know me and don't have to learn all about SUV's or insurance or whatever else I could be selling. The second part of acting is research and networking. As a fairly nerdy guy, I can get into research. Always looking for the next project, the next person to partner with, etc. I spend hours each day looking for something or someone to help me out. The third part is the most fun: acting. It's the easy part in many ways...the reward of the other two.

Having said all of that, it looks like I may be about to do one of the parts of the business that I don't like. I have a second interview with a new agent tomorrow and I'm leaning towards signing with her. This would mean dropping my other agent, whom I like very much on a personal level. Everyone knows that it gets done this way. If I continue to work I will have to do this a few more times. But it sucks. I'm dreading the phone call.

I just need to make sure that I don't watch Jerry McGuire tonight and I'll be fine.

Mr. Mom

Debbie started her part-time job tonight at a catering company. I've been watching the boys and cleaning the house and whatnot. It looks like she will be working a lot on the weekends, but not much during the week, which will work out great for our schedule. It's been a long time since she has been in the work force, and never as a server. I hope that she enjoys it at some level. I think she will.

I taught on Abraham tonight at church. To me, his story is all about taking risks when God asks us to and then not trying to work out the circumstances apart from him after we take the risk. It's a good story to think about after a major life change.

Living the Impossible

Every few days I am reminded of something that happened to me four years ago. I was up late one night by myself watching TV. Things were difficult at that time-a lot of depression and emptiness and whatnot. Some channel was airing a two hour documentary on the making of one episode of Saturday Night Live. It followed the writers and cast and Lorne as they made the episode from nothing. Watching that show ushered me into one of the worst depressive moments of my life. I kept realizing, with every passing commercial break, how desperately I wanted to be a part of something like that. I had secretly dreamed of being an actor since I was a kid but had always pushed it away as "shallow" or "childish."

That night I added another word: impossible. I was simply too old at 28, too established, too submerged into my career, too "needed" by other people to chase a selfish immature dream. And I went to bed that night full of regret and grief. I think sometime after that I confessed to Debbie that I would like to take improv classes sometime as a hobby. I said this but I knew I would never take the time to do it. But the next Christmas she surprised me with the classes from The Second City. Then things started to change.

Today I was walking from an audition at the LA film school on Sunset to another audition on Hollywood Blvd. (For a guest star role in Barbershop, a sitcom on Showtime.) As I turned the corner onto Hollywood a fire engine with sirens blaring nearly knocked me over. I walked for a while and then looked down to notice the stars on the sidewalk. My right foot was on "Mr. Rogers." Then it hit me. I'm living a life that I thought was impossible four years ago. That's a remarkable place to be.

So here is my official pass to get onto the Disney/ABC studio lot tonight for my audition. The security guard told me that my meeting was in building 21 and gave me directions. Building 21, as it turns out, contains the offices for the shows LOST and ALIAS. I have to say it felt nice to audition there, considering some of the odd and creepy places where I have auditioned before. I knew that the audition was for a non-union short film that pays virtually nothing, so I was confused to say the least.

My reading went very well. They had me read five times, which is always a good sign. They asked me to hold a day next week for the shoot which, again, is a good sign. I found out later that they were writers for LOST, looking to make a film for a festival. Needless to say, I was impressed but tried really hard to not be. "I like that show," is all I said which is completely true even though I've only seen one episode. (I've been waiting to watch them in order on DVD.)

I spent the next fifteen minutes wandering around the studios since I had my official pass. I saw the cast scripts for the next Alias episode and Jennifer Garner's box of fan mail. I left feeling like I could work some place like that someday...and still knowing it may never come to that. Either way, it has been a fun story to be telling with my life.

More auditions tomorrow, Thursday and next week already confirmed. And in related good news: Debbie landed a part time job working with a catering company. Looks like she can help put food on the table while I drive all over LA to get jobs paying minimum wage. She will generally work weekend nights and the pay is great. I've never had a sugar momma before...she seems genuinely excited about it, which makes me very happy.

Tomorrow we will take our first family trip to the local IHOP, which was a regular Boyd tradition in Las Vegas. I will have scrambled eggs, extra crispy bacon and tomato slices because I am on day four of the South Beach Diet Phase One...what I wouldn't do right now for a bagel or a strawberry...

I'm spending more on gas than coffee!

Auditions are generally hard to get, so I should be happy that I have another tomorrow and another on Thursday...both in Burbank. But, one thing I didn't really think about was the cost of gas. Every trip into Hollywood costs $10-20 just in gas. This means that the more days I work (without booking) the more it actually costs. On the other hand, I should focus on the fact that I will have had six auditions in my first week of submitting. That's pretty good. On the other hand, most of these auditions pay very little...always two sides.

Tomorrow I audition for a short film: low pay and all that, but it will be my first audition at Disney Studios. I'm not sure how this film is connected to Disney, but it will be fun to go there. I was given instructions as to what to say to the guard and all that. Kind of fun.

I should also say that I'm enjoying my other job of teaching as well. It has been very nice to get to study, prepare and, most of all, speak again. I feel somewhat mature and "seasoned" as a storyteller now. There is a greater ease and mirth and confidence. It has been nice to see it reborn.

OC: Overly Costly?

Tonight after dinner we drove down to Balboa Pier. It's still very strange to live so close to the beach. As you can see I picked up a very groovy vintage sportcoat from a thrift store next to an audition yesterday.

The reality of living in the one of the most expensive counties in America is starting to hit us pretty hard. We are weighing the options as to a third means of income. Debbie's considering a part-time job and I would love to find another job flexible enough to allow for auditions. It really seems as though God has had his hand in this journey...so I'm hoping he's got our back on the whole money thing. Neither of us have ever desired to be rich...but we don't seem to mind being middle class so much if you know what I mean.

I have a callback for a Nissan commercial tomorrow...I think. They usually call and let you know, though sometimes they just tell you at the audition. In this particular case, the casting director simply said, "Callbacks will be Monday between two and three." I assume he wouldn't have told me if I wasn't called back, so I'm going to show up and hopefully it won't be too awkward if he says, "Why are you here?"

Fun with Fotos

So. It's a new blog and a new day. I'm actually going to try to post photos as we go along. So here is the view from our kitchen out the back patio of our apartment. We have the same amount of space here as we did in our last house, but the entire family agrees that it feels bigger here. It is laid out perfectly for us. We have passed on a dining room table and eat some our meals outside and some around a small table in the kitchen. You can see some of the aforementioned Ikea furniture in this picture as well.

Auditioning Again

Things started to pick back up this weekend. Today I had two auditions. One was for a British Nissan commercial in which I would play an angry preacher. Humorous, if not ironic. The other was one of those typically odd experiences. A casting director called me at 10:30 this morning wanting me to be at a theater in Beverly Hills by 1:00. Not impossible, but it was 45 miles away. I made it in plenty of time. I was told that it was a TV show and that I was reading for a New York agent. None of that was true. I entered the theater to meet a very eccentric director named Floyd. (Turns out he was executive producer for a few major films including Dick Tracy.) He had me read for a part that was obviously from a stage play, so after the audition I asked what the project was exactly. "A musical" he said. I didn't tell him that I don't sing very well. "It's going up in Las Vegas at the Paris Casino." (Second case of irony today...Alanis would be so proud.)

There's pretty much no way we can move back to Vegas...so I didn't think much of it...then, of course, I got called back for Monday. I figure if they ask me to sing that will be the end of it anyway, but I should go so the guy remembers me. He did mention "other projects" he was casting, so you never know.

I have two more auditons tomorrow for big parts in small paying indie films. One pays $100 per day and the other (drum roll please) shells out $20 per day. I wouldn't normally go on that one, except that it is a comedy set in an elevator for a "Will Ferrell" type comic actor, and it shoots here in the OC...I couldn't resist.

They say that in acting, auditioning is the work and acting is the paycheck. If that is true, I started working again today. What sucks is that "work" pays exactly zero dollars per hour...so here's to hoping for a paycheck soon!

The Move

We left Las Vegas on June 8 with what was left of our eartlhly possessions stored in Dave and Amy Carder's shed. (They may not know we did this since they are in Iceland, so thanks guys if you read this.) From there we jumped on an airplane and spent ten days in Indiana and another ten in Ohio. Family time was great, but the trip was definately shadowed by the fact that we did not have a home, or even a hometown, to return to.

Debbie and myself flew from Columbus to the OC Airport on June 30. I spoke that weekend at The Crossing church in Costa Mesa, where I will be teaching every Friday night at a Revocery meeting. They have five weekend services and I haven't spoken at something like that for more than two years. I felt a little rusty, but overall I felt "different" in a good way. God seems to have taken away much of my church angst, allowing me to be a teacher without having to worry about much of institutional church life that frustrates me. This has been a great blessing.

Anyway, the kids stayed in Ohio with my parents for a week while Debbie and I found an apartment (we haven't lived in one of those for about ten years!), drove back to Vegas and returned with our stuff. Sabrina came back with us to help us get our home settled. She was a great help. We went to Ikea, which is a few miles away, and spent our garage sale money on new furniture. It's probably the nicest furniture we've ever had, but I had to put it all together. It took a few days, but contrary to form, I did it all without much complaining.

The kids and Memaw Boyd arrived a week later to find their room ready for them. They have been excited, a little too excited at time for apartment living if you know what I mean. We've been to the beach twice. Newport Beach is about ten minutes away, and Laguna is about fifteen. Mom left two days ago and we have been "just the four of us" for the first time in five weeks.

Now its all about registering the cars, switching addresses and the like. I'm actually writing this blog to avoid the DMV this morning...but no matter what I do I'm afraid the time has come for that. I'm considering a new agent and have my first audition since moving here on Saturday. The commute into LA is about 40 miles, which is insane at times, but Costa Mesa felt like the right place to have a family after considering pretty much every community in LA county. I've driven into LA three times and so far it hasn't taken longer than an hour, but I've heard horror stories. Overall, we like it here. It feels right.

There is a coffee shop within walking distance of our house called The Gypsy Den. It's full of hippies, lesbians and artists. So I love it. It does seem just a little inorganic. (Like some old rich guy started a coffee shop to appeal to hippies.) But I'll ignore that for now and enjoy it.

Well, thanks for reading all of this. I plan on returning to regular blogging now that we are settled. We miss our friends, but are excited about the future...

NEW BLOG!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OK, everyone who still comes around these parts, I've constructed a new blog. It is www.rebelpilgrim.blogspot.com.

This journal will be archived at this date...

A New Day

I'm creating a new blog to coincide with my new life in southern California. Enjoy.

Greetings from Southern Indiana

We are half way through our family vacation and will be traveling onto Ohio tomorrow after spending over a week here in Indiana with Debbie's family. The visit has been good, and seemingly brought about some measure of spiritual healing for me that I cannot exactly explain. (Nothing happened really, just some nice times of solitude and inner exploration.) I also took the time to read Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller. It's the first Christian book that I have read in at least a year. I loved it. His journey is very similar to my own, while being completely different.

Just to let you know, I'm planning a complete reboot of my blog upon arrival in California in July. I also plan on utilizing it more than I have the last few months, especially since it will serve a greater purpose now to continue to communicate with my friends and family in Las Vegas.

Both Debbie and myself are yearning for a home. I used to desire the nomadic life, but doing this trip without anywhere to call home upon our return has made me realize that wandering isn't nearly as fun without somewhere in the world to return to upon the adventure's end.

Lots of love...

It's Official

Tonight at Apex we announced that we will be moving to LA soon. We are leaving Las Vegas June 8 and plan on arriving in southern California in early July after a visit to see our families in the midwest. I've been waiting until after tonight to breach the subject here.

It looks as though I will be taking a part-time position teaching at a Frinday night church service in Orange County, though our primary motivation for moving is to pursue acting. We had decided to live in Burbank, which is near Hollywood, but now we are reconsidering some places between there and Costa Mesa, where the church is.

There were about five or six weeks earlier this year when I was driving to LA two to four days per week for auditions and work. Things have slowed down in May, but that's to be expected. It feels like the right time to test the waters. Debbie's excited for the adventure as well, otherwise we wouldn't be going. The kids sort of understand and seem excited to live closer to the beach and Disneyland.

We're sad to leave our friends here, but there is no doubting that God has had his hand in this decision. We look forward to how he will lead us in the coming months and years.

It's only 300 miles away. We plan on visiting often, and I will still be working and auditioning in Vegas often...probably monthly.

I have many more thoughts, but I think this gets the facts out. Much love to all of you who have shared the last ten years with us in Las Vegas. It will feel like home for many years to come.

American Idol Spot

A lot of you have asked to see the spot that I did on American Idol. My friend Greg Campbell linked it to his blog. Click here to see it.

I'm 384 months old

I'm older. Yesterday was my birthday. 32. I know everyone says this at every birthday, but I don't feel 32. I always do math equations at every birthday. 32 is halfway to 64. When I was 16, I was halfway to where I am now. Stange. 16 doesn't feel like half a lifetime ago. I've always been a little age obsessed. (Maybe I'm a little death obsessed...calling Dr. Freud...)

I have always felt this overwhelming urgency with life. It's that urgency that makes me try to make things happen before their time...causes me to throw my entire self into whatever seems most important at the moment, often ignoring whatever else is present.

However, its that urgency that has allowed me to pack so many lifetimes, so many versions of myself into my 32 years. Since I can remember I have feared normality...I've loathed the idea of just fitting into whatever the people around me say is a normal life.

As I write this today, I realize more than ever that I'm writing about the very core of myself. So much of an epiphany that I'm tempted to erase it all and move on. My biggest hope is that this urgency for life would disappear. That I could be content in all things as our fathers teach us. However, my biggest fear is that I lose the urgency. That I grow comfortable in a life without adventure, risk and mystery. I want both. Perhaps, for me anyway, that is salvation. To be compelety calm and at peace amidst the urgency of and knowledge of the brevity of our lives. And yet to claim the urgency, for my sake and for heaven' s sake, to live in the mirth and joy and adventure and creativity that this world affords. To be the pacifist mercenary, the violent healer, the insane lover, the beautiful wound, the enlightened fool that I was meant to be.

I do feel like most people don't take enough risks. This from a guy who has never jumped out of an airplane and is afraid of snakes and spiders...To me those things aren't risks...just very odd hobbies. As a poker player, I just feel like we don't go "all in" enough. I can think of several situations where I've gone "all in" in my life. Where I've risked everything for a greater payoff. To date, I can't say that these moves have proven profitable, not the way I had hoped anyway, and certainly not monetarily. But to imagine a life without that kind of risk-taking repulses me. My faith story is one of "all in" risk taking: Abram departing his home childless, slaves leaving Egypt, weaponless soldiers marching around Jericho, a whole nation sending a little boy with a rock to battle a giant...then it culminates in God himself going "all in" to humanity as a fetus and then again "all in" to death on a cross. Who are we to live an utterly cautious life and still claim this story as our own?

So...I'm closer to 40 than I am to 24. I'm the one year away from that age that Jesus died. Six years ago I had a steady paycheck and a house. Now I don't have those things...but I did pick up a couple of kids in that time. I think I got the better of that deal. Ten years ago I had a beautiful wife who loved me and supported all of my risky ideas. Today I have a more beautiful wife who loves me after knowing how hard that can be at times...and who still supports my even riskier ideas. 32 years ago I was born to two parents who loved me and love each other. They called yesterday. Nothing has changed. For all my appearant regret...I wouldn't change a thing.

Who'd have known I'd be this rich at 32?

This and That

Condensing my thoughts into a workable entry seems much more difficult than it used to be. Overall, things seem to be going well. I haven't worked at Tony n' Tina's four of the last seven weeks. I go back Saturday. More and more of my work is taking me to LA...either for auditions or actual work. I just feel a little mixed up. I did a wedding for a very nice couple at Sunset Station last weekend. And every few minutes I just felt myself being disoriented. I can't truly explain it, except that I kept feeling like I was in some strange city doing something that I had never done before. Maybe it was just being on the other side of town after spending a week in LA, but it was very odd.

Easter was good. It was very nice to teach at Apex. I've missed teaching. I want to do it more often. My faith is "settling" after a few years of quakes and darkness.

Career stuff is just plain goofy. Sometimes I feel like I'm destined to be a real working actor...then the next day I'm looking into real estate, or teaching, or dealing poker...

The boys are growing up and starting to show their talents and desires. Eli is really loving math. Aidan's a natural with a football and a frisbee. It's fun to watch.

I'll end this strange meandering with my favorite films of the year...

1. Garden State
2. Million Dollar Baby
3. Anchorman (I can't help how much I love Will Ferrell.)
4. The Aviator
5. Sideways

Overall, not my favorite year for movies.

Later...

Me-Vo...or Ti-Joe...

I'll be on your TV set twice this week...or only once if you don't have cable...or not at all if you don't turn it on.

Sunday, March 20: Travel Channel, "Vegas Urban Legends" 8pm and 11pm. (I play the guy choking on a poker chip...)

I also just got word that I will be shooting a spot on Sunday that will air this week either Tuesday or Wednesday. I guess a few people watch this show:

American Idol on Fox. I play the lead in a music video/Ford commercial with the Idols. It's the first thing that I've landed from an LA audition. It's pretty cool. I'm a little concerned about the cheese-factor...but it's my first network gig!

I've already filmed two other TV projects coming later this year: Breaking Vegas (History Channel) and Quake (BBC/Discovery Channel.)

I guess I'm almost an actor now...weird.

Still Alive...

Much has happened since my last post. The film is in the can as they say...being edited as we speak. The whole process was much more taxing than I thought it would be. I've gotten a lot of work lately. Things are good there.

Much is uncertain. When I think about the future I become both excited and frightened. I truly have no idea where we will be or what we will be doing in a year or two.

I have grown closer to God of late. Hard to explain, but I desire him more than I have recently. I feel as though a fog has lifted. My heart is seeking more and I sense a new expression of ministry on the horizon...no idea what that means, but a sense...

Help Needed

We need background actors (extras) for two shots next week for my film. Wednesday (9am - 1pm) we will be shooting a bar scene at Paymon's Med. Cafe in Summerlin. Friday (8am-noon) will be a wedding scene outdoors at the Greek Isles Casino. No pay, but free food and a chance to be in movie. Let me know asap if you are interested.

Thanks...

I don't feel like a Producer...



I've been busy of late producing this short film. I have actually really enjoyed most everything about it. It's everything I miss about my old job: team buidling, vision casting, storytelling, trouble shooting...and all without the existentialist torment.



We are shooting Feb. 15-20. There is a crew of 15 and a cast of 11 plus extras. The whole thing has been a very rewarding experience so far.



If you e-mailed me to be an extra, I should be in touch next week...

A Good Month



January has been good career wise. I will do my third commercial of the month Monday. This one is for a time share spot. (I get to take my shirt off for a spa scene, so you all know how much I like that...) I wrapped a Bellagio in house spot this morning at 5:00.



I also booked two days next week filming an Apprentice spoof with David Brenner, the comedian. It pays pretty well. We aren't wealthy by any means, but I'm amazed to say that I will make more money acting this month than I used to make in a month at the old job. Who knows if it will sustain, but I hope so. I haven't had to sub teach in eight weeks...which is the greatest gift of all.



My play closes this weekend, with performances Friday and Saturday night. It has been a good thing for my confidence and personal artistic fulfillment, even though it's been rather lightly attended with no pay.



The short film progresses nicely. We are going to shoot either the third or fourth week of February. Funding is coming in...we have raised all but $1,000. Thanks if anyone out there has helped out.



Hope you are all well.

Boxed In



I opened a play last night called "Boxed In" with the STARK Theater Company. It's actually four one-acts and I play the lead in two of them. It felt good to be nervous again, after doing the same thing every night for the last year and a half. The plays are all original scripts from local playwrites. It's a good project.



It plays again tonight, as well as next Friday and Saturday night. It's at the Jewel Box Theater in the Clark County Library (Flamingo, just east of Maryland Parkway.) Come by if you want. (It would be rated R for language, so if such things offend you may want to stay away.)

SAG



I was hired for a commercial last night that never shot because of the weather. It's one of the national "What happens in Vegas" spots. They may or may not reschedule. But after a few hours of waiting they sent us home with pay and my third SAG voucher. This means that I am now eligible to join the screen actor's guild. It's not easy to get, so I'm very pleased. I probably won't join immediately because it costs $1,800 and I would have to stop doing non-union stuff in vegas...but it's a really big goal accomplished.



The film moves along. Thanks to all of you who responded to my previous post. I'll keep you updated.

Wanna Help me make a movie?



I have been rather quietly writing and producing a short fim for the Cinevegas film festival this summer. My acting coach, Gerald Gordon, is directing it and it looks as though we have just landed a very talent Director of Photograpy from LA who is also a past student of his.



We should be shooting either the last week of january or the first week of february. It's a married man's love story...I'm looking forward to telling it.



I could use a little help if anyone is interested. It's mainly cast, but we will need some people for smaller background roles in a wedding scene, a bar scene and an opera scene. Also, if anyone wants to work as a PA (Production Assistant) during the shoot let me know. (This would mean being available the week of the shoot to help the director, cast and crew.)



We've had over $30,000 worth of equipment and services donated, but could use about $3,000 to complete it. I'm not asking my poor and struggling friends for money, but if you have some extra cash and have ever wanted to be an executive producer of a film...let me know.



Just Email me if you're interested in any such things... my email is linked in the upper right corner of my blog...

Small



The planet hiccups and 100,000 people cease to exist. I've been thinking about 9-11 and how much coverage, fear and wrath followed. This earthquake may do 50 times more damage to life and property.



We are small. Even when we think we accomplish big things (for good or evil) we see that nature is capable of something so much bigger. We aren't as powerful as we think we are.



If God is, then he is even more powerful than that which he has created. Staggering.

Me Dot Com



I'm learning that acting professionally is really three or more jobs. Basically, the first job is self-marketing, the second is auditioning and the third is actually acting. The self-marketing part is a little odd for me. It's easier for me to sell something other than me...but I'm becoming more comfortable with it all.



All of that to let you know that I have launched a new website. It's really for casting directors, producers and the like, but I thought you might be interested.



Just a warning, a few of my monologues are linked...or will be soon. There are a few four letter words, so if such things offend you just look at the pretty pictures and call it a day.



www.joeboyd.net

Christmas Thoughts from an Actor



I am a relative novice at the art of acting. However, I am developing a philiosophy that works for me. The foundational idea of being a good actor, for me, is rooted in the incarnation. Allow me to try to briefly explain. The best actors are never acting, but simply being. They are being someone else, true. But, in some mysterious way, they are also being themselves at the same time. It's not like they are 50% another person, 50% themselves, but rather 100% of both.



When I am acting well, I am fully in touch with Joe and with the character Joe has become. One is no more or less real or valuable than the other. At that moment, the two are one...and seperating us would kill us both.



There is some Christmas message here. I'll let you discover it.

About five days ago I typed a very long and meaningful post that was somehow lost. That seems to happen to me a lot. It's very frustrating. I should save them, but I don't. Maybe you should have never known those thoughts.



So, I'll keep this brief and let you know that I was booked today for a TV Show on the Travel Channel. It's a funny spot to air next year. I'm excited about it.



Peace



Joe

Mr. Boyd, hottie or child molester?



This week was my first as a substitute teacher. I was at a northwest HS, teaching Psych. and Sociology. I didn't like it. I'm going to try it again...but, wow, did I so not like it. The teacher left me no lesson plans and the kids were out of control. The other teachers apologized when they heard that I was subbing for this particular teacher. I have to think that it was close to worse case scenario. I did talk with the theater teacher and gave her my number. I'm going to try it again, but not for a few days.



Teaching has always been the ultimate backup if all else fails for me. I'm not sure that I feel that way anymore. I'm sure that if it was my class from day one I could shape it...but I don't know. These kids were very defiant. (One girl called me a child molester and another stood up and told the class to F--- off...Another girl raised her hand in the middle of a lecture and told me I was "a hottie." The class laughed and I told her that I could get arrested for her thinking that. FYI, I couldn't get a single girl to say that when I was actually in high school, but that's a different story...Another kid watched South Park on his laptop the whole time. You get the picture.)



So...I want to be an actor real bad now. I have two auditions Monday. One for a feature Disney film shooting in Salt Lake...pray that the Lord delivers me.



I miss a lot of you...looking forward to Apex in a few weeks.

Quickly Busy



The last few weeks have held a lot of action. It started with two full days of training for substitute teaching. I was officially ready to go last Thursday, but haven't been able to work yet because of other things going on. I've been to LA twice this week. The first time to duplicate my new headshots and to register with some casting agents and the second time for my first SAG commercial audition. It was for a Desperate Housewives promo spot about a bunch of guys playing poker and admitting that they watch the show. They had me read for the lead, but I didn't get it. I did get to go straight to the callback somehow though...that was cool.



I was booked that same day for a 24 Hour Fitness commercial. I worked two days this week on it. I was in the running for a principal part, but ended up working background. It was SAG and paid well. It also gave me 2 of the 3 vouchers I need to join the Union...which is a very good thing. I had set a goal to be SAG eligible by the end of the year...it may happen.



I was also cast in a play for STARK theater company that goes up in early December and just today I found out that I was hired to be on a "touring company" (almost the entire tour is in Las Vegas) with Nevada Theater Company doing a play about the founding of Nevada (Very Guffman if you ask me...) But...it pays almost as much as Tony n Tina's and almost all of the performances are in schools during the day, so I can do both at the same time.



Still waiting to hear about the western that Gerald is directing, but he is sure it will happen sometime next year. John Schnieder, aka Bo Duke, was interested in the part I was cast in...but it ended up not working out...so those dern Duke boys are at it again.



In my spare time this month I wrote a short film that I really like...more on that later.



Debbie and the boys seem to be doing well. Eli is liking kindergarden and has started reading. We are settling into our new home quite nicely and seem ready for the holidays. Hope you are all doing well.



Peace.

Update...



Things are going...I've had a few auditions lateley. One for a SAG 24 Hour Fitness commercial and another with Nevada Theatre Company for a play that will run in the morning in different schools. Last week I did my substitute teacher training and I'm good to go starting sometime this coming week. I don't really now if I will like it or not, but I'm excited to see what happens.



Other than that, everything seems to keep moving along...

We're Home



Our trip was great. Three days in San Francisco and three in LA. We were able to sleep in everyday, compulsively overeat and entertain ourselves to death. You know it's a good trip when you are completely ready to come home.



My mom survived the kids and they were very happy to see us return. Debbie will tell you all about the food, so I'll give you a quick entertainment synopsis:



1. The Producers (Touring company) in SF was great. It was opening night and fun to see them fight through a few technical problems.

2. Stand-up Comedy in SF-7 locals. It was OK. One girl was great.

3. Friday Night Lights (movie). I loved it...one of the five best sports movies ever. I think Deb fell asleep.

4. The Groudlings all improv show. The hilight for me. My old teacher, Jeremy Rowley, was in it...along with Jordan Black (who rocks) and the lady who played "Brow" in Austin Powers. The celebrity guest star was the girl from Yes, Dear.

5. Improv Olympics show. Yeah, it sucked. It was worse than the worse comedy I had ever seen before. Bad.

6. Mean Girls (movie). I thought that it was funny. I also think Lindsay Lohan is a real actress.

7. Garden State (movie). So glad we caught it in the theater before it left. We saw it at a really nice theater on Sunset/Vine. Tickets were $14, but everything was great. The movie made me want to be an actor...oh yeah...

Not Much To Say



Sometimes life just moves along. Nothing too exciting. Tomorrow I will end a stretch of 12 days in a row at work...I've played the same part all 12 days and I have to say that as fun as my job is, I'm ready for a break. I will be off work for 8 days starting Sunday. Mom comes in tomorrow to watch the kids while Debbie and I leave for our anniversary vacation next week. I'm looking forward to it.

Nevermind



It's hard. You wait for something, anything, to happen. Everyone is always asking how its going. You can't tell if they are honestly interested or secretly judging the decision to do something seemingly impossible with your life.



I used to have huge emotional swings...not really swings because I never really got too excited. Just huge depressive slumps during the bad times. (This was in my old church life.) I've tried to see this new career more realistically. I will fail at most every audition I do. The problem with that is I get excited when something actually happens. I don't really do excitement as an emotion very well. Since I was a little kid I was embarrassed to be too happy or excited. It's hard to get used to allowing that emotion into my phsyche. It's incredibly humbling when you get excited about something too early...



All of that as a preamble to say that the Travel Channel shoot has been moved...to the week of October 10. The week I'm going to be out of town celebrating 10 years of marriage to the love of my life. I'd rather be there, but damn it, I almost was able to do both.



There's still a chance it will film on a day I'm in town...but they won't work it around me. They'll find some other desperate actor to take my spot, my check, and my credit on my resume.



So there...I threw up on you guys to avoid a depressive slump. Just give me a few days before you ask if I've gotten any new jobs...but then start asking again because if you really care I want to be able to let myself be excited with you. And if you are judging me, stop it because I do it enough to myself. Lots of love.

Short career update



I got a little job on a Travel Channel show that shoots early wednesday morning. I play a parimedic who tries to get a lady in labor to leave the blackjack table. The pay is only a few hundred, but it will be cool to do a national TV show.

There and back again and back there and back again again...



It has been a busy week. We went to Laguna with my in-laws for a few days. Then I drove back to LA Tuesday night and back again for the show Wednesday. I registered with two casting agents there...we'll see what comes of it. I had two auditions on Monday here in town. It looks like I didn't get either. One would have been nice because it was SAG, the other I was afraid that I actually would get an offer. It's a local cheesy car commercial. They seemed to really like me, hopefully they liked someone else just a little better.



At any rate, this week has flown by.

Going on a Trip



My inlaws have arrived from Indiana today and we are all preparing to go to Orange County for a few days. We'll leave late tomorrow and get back Monday. Of course, after booking the trip I was scheduled for two auditions on Monday, so we will be trying to make it back for those. It seems like I always get auditions at the worst time. That's part of it all I guess.



I'm looking forward to the trip though. Until then...

Lets get physical...



I've been going to the gym everyday except one for three weeks now. Going to the gym is a lot like reading for me. I don't really like doing it so much as I like having done it. I lost about 30-35 pounds since this time last year, but now I have the hard work of trying to get rid of the last ten or so. I've been eating better too. (Though I've pretty much left the vegetarian lifestyle behind. I eat fish now and chicken sometimes.)



I like the routine of working out. I hate the actual physical pain associated with it. I've tried to view it as part of my job. Most of the parts that I fit are for fit people. (A little sleep deprived word play for you.) The hardest thing about being a professional actor (I still hesitate to call myself that, though it's more true now than ever) is that virtually everything is out of your control. At least I can try to get my body and mind ready for the next thing...whatever that will be.



So...these days I pretty much hang out with the family, go to the gym, then go to work. Not a bad life.

Birthday Thoughts



Aidan turns three today! Debbie and I took him out for a special birthday lunch after dropping Eli off at Kindergarten. His birth will always be linked to 9-11 for me, because that was just his second day home from the hospital. I can remember my first few thoughts after Debbie woke me up that morning: 1. This is a bigger deal that anyone realizes yet. 2. This is our Pearl Harbor 3. I just brought a baby into this world...



I think the world is better place with Aidan in it, even if its a worse place for what happened a few days later.



It's hard to believe its been three years, on both accounts.

Luke-a-paloza



39At that time Mary got ready and hurried to a town in the hill country of Judea, 40where she entered Zechariah's home and greeted Elizabeth. 41When Elizabeth heard Mary's greeting, the baby leaped in her womb, and Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit. 42In a loud voice she exclaimed: "Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the child you will bear! 43But why am I so favored, that the mother of my Lord should come to me? 44As soon as the sound of your greeting reached my ears, the baby in my womb leaped for joy. 45Blessed is she who has believed that what the Lord has said to her will be accomplished!"



Mary continues to be highly esteemed for her faithfulness. The greatest act of faith is often a season of waiting prompted by trust. This is where Mary finds herself. Luke uses the words of Elizabeth to both honor Mary and foreshadow the blessing of the Messiah to come.



46And Mary said: "My soul glorifies the Lord 47and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior, 48for he has been mindful of the humble state of his servant. From now on all generations will call me blessed, 49for the Mighty One has done great things for me-- holy is his name. 50His mercy extends to those who fear him, from generation to generation. 51He has performed mighty deeds with his arm; he has scattered those who are proud in their inmost thoughts. 52He has brought down rulers from their thrones but has lifted up the humble. 53He has filled the hungry with good things but has sent the rich away empty. 54He has helped his servant Israel, remembering to be merciful 55to Abraham and his descendants forever, even as he said to our fathers."



Here we have a song or poem found on the lips of Mary. It is a song of praise from a fiscally poor, teenage Hebrew girl who believes Messiah is finally coming. The words are certainly true, and in part prophetic, but also incomplete. Luke seems to be setting the reader up to believe that Messiah is coming exactly as expected. Soon we will see that he is coming in the most unexpected way imaginable.



56Mary stayed with Elizabeth for about three months and then returned home.



In this time John would have been born and Mary present for it all. Her eyes seeing a miracle in action would have only increased her faith. There is no evidence that Jesus and John grew up with a knowledge of each other, though it could be implied from this story, since a bond seems to exist between the two mothers.

Still doing that Luke thing...



26In the sixth month, God sent the angel Gabriel to Nazareth, a town in Galilee, 27to a virgin pledged to be married to a man named Joseph, a descendant of David. The virgin's name was Mary. 28The angel went to her and said, "Greetings, you who are highly favored! The Lord is with you."



Just another day in the life of the angel Gabriel circa the birth of our Lord. Going to frighten unsuspecting young girls with unbelievable news.



29Mary was greatly troubled at his words and wondered what kind of greeting this might be. 30But the angel said to her, "Do not be afraid, Mary, you have found favor with God. 31You will be with child and give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus. 32He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David, 33and he will reign over the house of Jacob forever; his kingdom will never end."



Frighten…and overwhelm. No real doubt here what the angel is telling the young girl: You are pregnant with Messiah. Up to this point “virgin” could just mean young girl. For the reader, pregnancy is not the miracle (yet), Messiah coming is. Name him “God Saves.” All the terms to follow are messianic: the King of Israel has come. “His never-ending Kingdom (could be translated “reign”) will never end. The Jewish reader sees political and economic deliverance from Rome in these words. Jesus would see something deeper.



34"How will this be," Mary asked the angel, "since I am a virgin?"



Oh…that’s what virgin means. An even greater miracle. Most great myths/religions of the world have a virgin birth associated with them. This has led some scholars to believe that the virgin birth is an afterthought. Luke treats it, however, as purely historical.



35The angel answered, "The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. So the holy one to be born will be called the Son of God.

36Even Elizabeth your relative is going to have a child in her old age, and she who was said to be barren is in her sixth month. 37For nothing is impossible with God."



This, according to our angelic messenger, is definitely a divine conception. The Holy Sprit “coming on people” is true to the Old Testament pattern and terminology of how the Holy Spirit works. He will be called “son of God” because, Luke argues, he was God’s son even in a physiological sense.



It is no lesser miracle that Elizabeth is also pregnant. There is a connection between the two pregnancies. Here we find out that Mary and Elizabeth are somehow related.



38"I am the Lord's servant," Mary answered. "May it be to me as you have said." Then the angel left her.



This statement above all others is why Mary has historically been honored in the Christian tradition. If only we could honestly respond this way to every situation, no matter how frightening or overwhelming.

Luke 1 continued:



5In the time of Herod king of Judea there was a priest named Zechariah, who belonged to the priestly division of Abijah; his wife Elizabeth was also a descendant of Aaron. 6Both of them were upright in the sight of God, observing all the Lord's commandments and regulations blamelessly. 7But they had no children, because Elizabeth was barren; and they were both well along in years.



If the God of Israel has a pattern, it is in the opening of wombs. The story of God’s people is the story of fertility, particularly among those seemingly infertile. The births of John and Jesus will coincide with the birth of the Kingdom of Heaven on earth. The above verses can’t help but bring to mind the stories of Noah, Abraham, Moses, Samuel and others.



8Once when Zechariah's division was on duty and he was serving as priest before God, 9he was chosen by lot, according to the custom of the priesthood, to go into the temple of the Lord and burn incense. 10And when the time for the burning of incense came, all the assembled worshipers were praying outside.



God approaches Zechariah at the time when Zechariah was most focused on God. It makes me wonder if perhaps God had tried more subtle approaches to reach this man before this one.



11Then an angel of the Lord appeared to him, standing at the right side of the altar of incense. 12When Zechariah saw him, he was startled and was gripped with fear. 13

Angels always seem to frighten people. I think that a true encounter with an angel would be so terrifying that it could never be doubted. They spend most of their time with us telling us not to be afraid of them.



But the angel said to him: "Do not be afraid, Zechariah; your prayer has been heard. Your wife Elizabeth will bear you a son, and you are to give him the name John. 14He will be a joy and delight to you, and many will rejoice because of his birth, 15for he will be great in the sight of the Lord. He is never to take wine or other fermented drink, and he will be filled with the Holy Spirit even from birth. 16Many of the people of Israel will he bring back to the Lord their God. 17And he will go on before the Lord, in the spirit and power of Elijah, to turn the hearts of the fathers to their children and the disobedient to the wisdom of the righteous--to make ready a people prepared for the Lord."



We find the interesting fact here that Zechariah has been praying for children, even though it was all but impossible. God often gives us desires that lead to faith. This is what it may mean to “ask for faith.” He is gracious enough to give us the desires for things (that we too often dismiss as selfishness) which lead us to prayer and hope and expectancy: faith. All of this according to his redemptive will.



Name him John, which means “God is gracious.” Jesus will follow, “God saves.” Grace comes before salvation. It seems as though John is to take the Jewish Nazirite vow for his life, which includes no grapes/wine, no touching dead bodies and no hair cutting. John’s life mission is here, “to go on before the Lord…to turn hearts…to make ready a people prepared for the Lord.”

Everything about this blessing points to the tradition of the Hebrew Prophet…a prophet named “Grace.”



It is interesting that John comes to turn the hearts of the fathers to their children and not visa versa. The Father’s heart has turned to his children…he desires a family, “a people” here. As his heart turns to us, our hearts turn to our children.



18Zechariah asked the angel, "How can I be sure of this? I am an old man and my wife is well along in years."

Even though he has seen this miracle and has been praying for children, like us, he doubts.

19The angel answered, "I am Gabriel. I stand in the presence of God, and I have been sent to speak to you and to tell you this good news. 20And now you will be silent and not able to speak until the day this happens, because you did not believe my words, which will come true at their proper time."



The deep theological answer to why? “Because I am God’s messenger and I say so.” Now shut up and think about what you just said. Zechariah goes into verbal “time out” for nine months.



21Meanwhile, the people were waiting for Zechariah and wondering why he stayed so long in the temple. 22When he came out, he could not speak to them. They realized he had seen a vision in the temple, for he kept making signs to them but remained unable to speak. 23When his time of service was completed, he returned home. 24After this his wife Elizabeth became pregnant and for five months remained in seclusion. 25"The Lord has done this for me," she said. "In these days he has shown his favor and taken away my disgrace among the people."



Elizabeth follows in the Old Testaments heroines’ footsteps by being prompted to worship. She has no idea that there is so much more than just “her disgrace” on the table.

I'm spiritual either way...



Well...I'm not sure why but I have decided, at least for today, to read through the book of Luke very slowly. I'm planning on sharing my thoughts with you, but please don't try to start a silly debate with me. If we disagree, fine. If I help you, great. This is mainly for me. Enjoy.



Luke 1



1Many have undertaken to draw up an account of the things that have been fulfilled among us, 2just as they were handed down to us by those who from the first were eyewitnesses and servants of the word.



What is different and obvious from the beginning is that Luke is approaching his telling of the story as a second generation researcher. Meaning, though he may have known Jesus, his focus is on the accounts of those who knew him best. “Many have undertaken to draw up” suggest that (written?) biographies of Jesus were becoming more commonplace by this time. We know that more existed aside from the four canonized books, many still in existence today. One has to think that Luke, whatever his true identity, is writing for a specific reason, even if the reason is to tell the story “accurately” as he seems to imply here.



“The word” is notable here simply because Luke isn’t John. It is worth pondering at this early stage (perhaps 30-50 years into the church age?) how much of John’s understanding of Jesus as logos existed. Was Jesus truly “the word made flesh” to Luke, or is he using logos here as something more concrete, as in the gospel story?



Regardless, we must at first reading put John and the other synoptics aside to find Luke’s story as he wishes us to see it. (I reject any notion of synchronizing the gospels until each gospel is fully understood on its own.)



3Therefore, since I myself have carefully investigated everything from the beginning, it seemed good also to me to write an orderly account for you, most excellent Theophilus, 4so that you may know the certainty of the things you have been taught.



The author is claiming full responsibility for the upcoming material as lead researcher. He’s probably the most “modern” thinking of all the biographers.

We don’t know if Theophilus is a person or a term for the church: “Loved by God”, but we do know that whoever he/they are, they are already living within the gospel before receiving the written record of it. We should not feel bad for them in this regard. It is possible today to live within the gospel before reading the gospels.

10 Years



Debbie and I are quickly approaching our ten year anniversary. (New Years Eve.) We are planning a week-long trip without the kids, probably sometime in October. Right now we are leaning toward a cruise, which we have never done or even really thought about doing.



It really is hard to believe that we have been married this long. At my 30th birthday I sort of felt 30...this feels different. It doesn't feel like we've been married 10 years. (Or in Las Vegas for almost that long.) I guess that's a good thing!

Tears



Eli started Kindergarten today. I was somewhat ambushed by emotions. I didn't really feel like it was such a big deal since he had be in pre-school last year. I thought that Debbie might cry (she didn't.) My mom called and told me that she cried on my first day of Kindergarten. (Seemed appropriate.) But I don't really ever cry. Maybe once a year. I've been wanting to cry more these days...not because I'm sad...just because I want to be able to cry. Crying is a block in my acting. I have problems crying in a scene that calls for it.



Today, after dropping Eli off at school, I went to the gym. On the way there, I started to cry. It's hard to say why. I think the realization that he would be going most everyday to a strange place to be forever shaped by a room of strangers was the main thing. And that, it's likely to continue for the next 13-17 years. I think it also symbolizes a loss of innocence. I knew when I left him there that I was leaving him at a place where he will be hurt. My first real painful experiences were in Kindergarten. I was made fun of for not being able to "trot" during a sensory assessment. It was the first time that I realized I didn't measure up...I was "behind"...I wasn't completely loveable.



He has to learn these things sometime. I just hate that he has to learn them.



I cried a lot in Kindergarten...most everyday as I recall. I cried througout my childhood until some unrememberable time when I convinced myself to grow up and stop crying. Since then...I don't really cry at all. Just special occasions like today. Debbie picked Eli up from school. As he was leaving Deb heard his teacher say, "No tears tomorrow, Eli." He had cried because another kid knocked his blocks over...possibly at the same time I was crying because I knew he would cry if another kid hurt him. There's something to the fact that he needs Kindergarten right now to learn when and when not to cry. It's social conditioning I guess. A necessity. I would love for him to not cry ten times a day like he does now...but I'm afraid he'll be turned into the same Stoic robot the system turned me into.



Ohhh...I moan because there is so much that Debbie and I have been unable to teach him that he will learn there. And yet there is so much that we have already taught him that he may unlearn there. I guess we just watch and see what happens. I'm gonna be a mess when he goes to college.

I don't feel old



Eli starts Kindergarten Monday. We went to meet his teacher yesterday with all of the other parents and kids. The other parents were so...old. Many of them balding, most with business suits on...I kept looking at them and seeing old people. They all looked...in their thirties. That's when it hit me.

Blah



Just for balance, since my last post was so encouraging. My last two auditions have felt very rough. Granted, they were both quite a stretch for me, but still...I have been nervous at them. I hate that. I'm caring too much. When I didn't know any better and didn't really care about getting a job, I got most of the jobs that I auditioned for. These days I'm not quite as fortunate. There's a chance that one of the last two will come through...but I doubt it.



These little successes and failures have very little impact on my overall mood, however. That's quite a change from a younger version of myself. After my disaster, er audition, yesterday I was pretty low for about five or six hours. But today I feel fine. Having the reality and constant awareness of rejection in my life every single day has made me less fearful and less worrisome of failure.



I'm so happy to have my family to come home to. Their unwavering acceptance of me, the constant encouraging of my dreams, the relentless encoure of "Daddy's home!" everytime I walk through the door are more than enough to offset a world of rejection from these countless unknown casting directors.

It's kind of Lethal Weapon meets Unforgiven...



Today was one of those moments. I was given my first complete script for a real (read: paying) movie. I haven't got the part yet, but Gerald, my acting coach, is directing it and he asked me to read it and to tell him which parts I thought I could play. It's SAG, which means I would get my card and it would pay a minimum of $700 per day. Things change quickly, and nothing is certain..it just felt nice to have it. I have had a few moments over the last year which felt like subtle mile markers...my first audition, my first callback, signing with an agent, my first autograph, my first speaking role in a commercial...today was the first time that I came home with a screenplay for a feature film...pretty cool.

If you put enough actors together...



Everytime that I am thrown into a new community of actors the same thing eventually happens...Jesus join us.



I just had the most remarkable conversation tonight with two guys I hardly know from my acting class. We talked about love, God, sin, religion, Jesus, church, morality, faithfulness, and sex. I'm pretty sure that we all entered into a time of confession, and I think the one guy absolved the other. Weird. These guys aren't "Christians". Or at least they wouldn't be labeled as such, but maybe neither would I anymore. We all said that we believed in God at the end of our time together and that we should try to find out who he is. One of them looked at me and asked me to pray for him. It was very intimidating to see how much he meant it. For decades people have asked me to pray for them just to end a coversation. This guy really wants me to. I'll give it my best shot.



I'm so glad that I'm free to see God move. I'm pleased to be on this journey.

Poker



Last night I played poker in my new house with some of my castmates. Tommy and Gene-o came over as well. It was very cool for me to have them hang out with the guys from my show. It's always a little strange when two communities come together, but I hope that everyone enjoyed each other. It was in many ways a subtle victory in my faith journey to have ten people in my home, all of whom truly love me and know my story, but eight of whom aren't "church" friends. I lost around $20, but wouldn't have had it any other way.



The real question I kept asking is, "Would Jesus chase a nut flush draw all the way to the river if he was sure the guy across from him was holding big slick with a bullet and a cowboy already on the table?"



I love talking like a poker player.

The 50 Most Influencial People of my Life



I had this idea coming home from work tonight. Please don't be offended if you find yourself or don't find yourself on the list. This isn't a list of the people I like the most...I've just been asking, Who made me into the person I am? I'll just list people as they come to me and we'll see what happens.



1. Danny Boyd, my father

2. Sandy Boyd, my mother

3. Debbie Boyd, my wife of nearly ten years!

4. Eli Boyd, my son

5. Aidan Boyd, my son

6. Greg Hubbard, my friend and partner in making a difference

7. Doug Parks, my friend and balancer

8. Chris "Ernie" Caldwell, my friend and the most accepting person in my life

9. Dallas Willard, an author who changed who Jesus was to me.

10. Kevin Odor, my pastor

11. Mark Elwood, my high school teacher who taught me how to tell stories

12. Phil Webster, my friend and this kid who made me think too much

13. Rich Mullins, his music and constant presence in my life secretly shaped me

14. Ryan Hayden, the first person cooler than me to accept me...and he wasn't really that cool

15. David Colbert, my brother-in-law, friend, and example of strength

16. John Cantrell, my first best friend

17. Mrs. Welsh, my Kindergarten teacher

18. Keith Colbert, my father-in-law

19. Becky Colbert, my mother-in-law

20. Katie Worden, my first friend to die...I miss her more than I let on.

21. Donald E. Miller II, my friend and one of the few people I always feel comfortable with

22. Lisa Lewis, my friend who seems to always understand me

23. Kevin Rains, my friend and forerunner

24. Mike Steele, my friend who cries for me

25. St. Francis of Assisi, you should feel pretty honored if you made it ahead of him!

26. Doug Citizen, my friend who taught me how to be and not do

27. Heidi Stokes, my friend who sees the core of me

28. Jim Nyberg, my friend whom God has connected to me

29. Jeremy Ohl, my passionate mystic friend

30. Fred Rogers, PBS TV personality who taught me how to behave

31. Henri Nouwen, author who taught me about God

32. Trevor Tolly, friend who loved me when I was hard to love

33. Bill Hybels, pastor who inspired me to start Apex

34. Brian "Lumpy" Rutherford, in a parallel universe we are best friends-too many miles

35. Emily Ackley, Ernie's grandmother...I miss her

36. Scott Hennig, my friend who has taught me the power of love and stability

37. Jon Dale, God used him to call me out of vocational ministry

38. Gerald Gordon, my current acting coach

39. Steve Haxton, my friend and high school Sunday School teacher

40. Marshall Hayden, my minister at my home church

41. Bonnie Maddox, my grandmother

42. Clifford Maddox, my grandfather

43. Tommy Peterson, my friend and the one who reminds me of who I am

44. Barbara Lauren, my friend who cast me in Tony n Tina's wedding

45. Sean Critchfield, my friend who gets me all excited

46. Kenny Parker, my friend who reaches out to me

47. Mo Andrieu, my friend who takes risks

48 Dave Carder, my friend who says things will happen and then they do

49. Wayne Jacobson, my friend who changed my community

50. Jim Sullivan, my friend whom I most want to be and not be at the same time

Changes



Things I do that I didn't used to do:



1. Take my shirt off in public. (but only six nights per week in front of 250 strangers.)

2. Sign autographs. It's weird.

3. Answer all calls from unknown numbers. (It might be a director, casting agent, etc.)

4. Eat chicken....sometimes. I'm trying to ease back into meat to raise my iron.

5. Kiss people. I kiss lots of people on the cheek...men and women. Too many Italians in my life.

6. Read Entertainment Weekly as if it were Forbes and I was a CEO.

7. Hold the title to my Montero. Paid it off last week.

8. Live in Summerlin. I always kinda wanted to.

9. Eat Sushi. Had a nice Spicy Tuna roll for dinner.

10. Make lists of things that I do that I didn't used to do.



Things I don't do that I used to do:



1. Go to church. Now I am the church...but sometimes I still wanna go.

2. Read deep books. Mainly plays lately.

3. Watch TV. Not so much, maybe 30 minutes a day.

4. Hang out at a coffee shop most of the day...oh yeah that reminds me of the next one...

5. Work (vocationally) for Apex, or any church for that matter.

6. Get really depressed. It's been a while.

7. Own a pet.

8. Constantly push my hair out of my eyes. I like it short.

9. Play golf. Maybe in 16 years...

10. Parent two pre-schoolers. Eli is now officially enrolled in Kindergarten.

Anonymous and Elmer Gantry



This is why I debated for so long whether my blog should have comments. To put it as nicely as possible...I have to not care what you think about my posts in order for them to be worth posting. Posting to irritate or impress is rather juvenile and not constructive for me at this point in my journey. So...I'm curious as to what you think, but at the end of the day...this is where I am honest about the parts of my life that I am willing to talk about with strangers. You guys have more energy than I do to debate such things...I wasn't offended by anonymous' comment. It sounded a lot like what I constantly expect people want to say to me. "Go for it...Just don't stop being a Christian," is basically how I interpret it. That's an honest response from a person of faith.



Tommy, Phil and Alicia love me enough to defend me even when I don't really need to be defended. That's beautiful...a tad bit reactionary, but beautiful all the same. I'd do the same for them.



And now for something completely different. You have to rent ELMER GANTRY and watch it. It's a 1960 film that will help you understand me and others like me if you take the time to think about the conflict that each character goes through. Please email me (oh yeah, or comment) after you see it. I'd love to hear your thoughts.

The Passion of the Joe



Passion is an elusive thing. I am a passionate person. For years my passion was targeted toward religious goals. I hesitate to honestly say that it was true passion for Jesus...though some of it was. Much of my youthful Christian passion was some strange combination of a desire to be accepted, an honest longing for the redemption of humanity and a severe case of bad theology.



I struggle with new passions as they arise, or more accurately, as they are violently released from deep soul hibernation. I am becoming an artist...or realizing that I have always been one. I am seeing more clearly everyday that I am passionate about acting. (I am so careful with these words because I have come to believe that passions are not newly received but finally discovered within a person.)



I have some strange guilt that I have discovered such a passion. It seems less noble than the passions of my youth...more true, but less noble. I am still passionate about love, life, Jesus, my wife and kids...but somehow when I am acting I feel that I am honoring those passions. I am releasing myself to a craft...an idea. I also, because of who I am, have guilt that I am an artist for sale. A cultural whore who will do anything for a buck. As I use my art to peddle products and entertain drunken tourists I wonder if I have sold out...but still, there are moments, even in the midst of it all. Last night I signed an autograph for a mentally ill lady and she smiled so big that I nearly cried. She believed...and I saw the responsibility that comes with being an artist.



All of that to share this quote with you...it will help you understand me.



"Actors are some of the most driven, courageous people on the face of the earth. They deal with more day to day rejection than most people do in a lifetime. Every day, actors face the financial challange of living a freelance lifestyle, the disrespect of people who think they should get 'real' jobs, and their own fear that they will never work again. Every day they have to ignore the possibility that the vision to which they have dedicated their lives is just a pipe dream. With every passing year, many of them watch as the other people their age achieve the predictable milestones of a normal life--the car, the family, the house, the nest egg. But they stay true to their dream, in spite of sacrifices. Why? Because actors are willing to give their entire lives to a moment--to that line, that laugh, that gesture, or that interpretation that will stir the audience's soul. Actors are beings who have tasted life's nectar in that crystal moment when they poured out thier creative spirit and touched another's heart. In that instant, they were as close to God, to magic, to perfection as anyone could ever be. And in their hearts, they know that to dedicate oneself to that moment is worth a thousand lifetimes." -David Ackert

I'm not quite dead...



I've been in bed most of the day today. I'm starting to get sick and its a little concerning because I have a few busy days ahead. I'm memorizing yet another monologue and another scene for class on Monday. The Apex Gathering (the first in five weeks) is tomorrow. I'm preparing a teaching time for that. In the meantime it looks as though I may be working on an indie film tomorrow as well. I'm a awaiting final confirmation on that. It pays next to nothing, around $50/day, but it will be a good experience and something I can add to my reel and resume. And, oh yeah, I gotta go to yet another pretend wedding tonight.



If my health holds up, I'll be OK.



We had our neighbors: Ernie, Nan, Katie and Sabrina over for breakfast this morning. It was nice...and it made Debbie very happy.

This Land Is Your Land...



I you haven't seen the Bush/Kerry parody of This Land Is Your Land, click here.

Acting Class



I'm taking acting classes with Gerald Gordon.  He's a very eccentric guy.  I'd guess that he's around 70 years old.  He was a soap opera star as a young man in the 1950's on The Edge of Night.  He directed The Fantastiks in LA for many years.



Anyway, he as been very supportive thus far.  He wants me to learn how to ride a horse so that I can audition for a western that he his directing this fall.  yee-haw.



The class has been great.  I have had to read a play each week and perform a monologue from the play.  I feel like I am learning all of the things that I should have known before getting into the business.  It has been fun to learn a craft.



 

Home Sweet Home



We are in the new place, which means that I can actually get on the internet from my own home.  I plan on blogging more frequently again.  I filmed a local commercial for Coast Casinos this week.  The shoot was from 10 pm-8 am Thursday night/Friday morning, so I am a little sleep deprived.  I don't do well without sleep.  I'd rather not eat for three days than not sleep for one...it makes me crazy.



The new house is nice.  It's smaller than the last house that we owned on our own, but it doesn't feel small to me.  It has wood floors which is new for me.  We got a new computer and  new toaster oven...what else could one ask for?  Things are good.



Its so freakin hella hot here.  I'm ready for a nice 90 degree day.  (That's autumn here.)  I'm ready for football season.  I'm ready to have the option to wear blue jeans if I feel like it.



More thoughts to come...thanks for hanging in there during the blogging draught.

The Stable Adventure

 

Stability, or at least our version of it, awaits.  I have been officially promoted to full time status with Tony n Tina's which means that I am working six days per week with a higher salary and a few benefits.  It is nice to know that we have some more security there.  It looks like we will be signing a 10 month lease on a rental house just four houses down from Ernie and Nan.  That means we will be Summerlin residents until at least June of 2005.  I'm getting ready to start the second week of a six-week acting class that runs from 9-3 on Mondays and Thursdays.  It has been really good so far...a lot of work, but really good.

 

I have been hired for two local indie films in town, but haven't been told when they start.  They both are supposed to pay a little, but I get the feeling that they might fall through.  I'm auditioning for another one tonight.  I'm waiting to hear from a few commercial auditions as well.  There is an outside chance that I'll do some extra work on CSI next week to try to get my SAG card.  I've decided to not do extra work unless it gets me a SAG voucher...once you have three vouchers you can join the union.

 

Eli starts school in six weeks.  Weird.  He seems excited about it all.  That's another thing that will gives us some stability/daily ryhthm.  Debbie and I are realizing that she prefers a stable life with some adventure thrown in and I tend to prefer the exact opposite.  We are shooting for 50% predictable, 50% unpredictable.  I think we are about there. 

One Click Shopping



Because some of you requested it...and because of my limited internet access, I will be only updating my primary blog for a while. Click here if you want to see it.

It's all Ernie's Fault



I am poor white internet trash...meaning that I have to go to the public library to use the internet. It is good to be among the masses. Ben Franklin is probably really proud of me. (He fought for state funded libraries back in the day.)



I'm very grateful for the Caldwell's generosity...but their internet connection s-u-c-k-s. So...here I am. Us poor people get 60 minutes of computer time per day, then we get booted. I have 41 minutes to go. Most days I use up all of my time returning e-mail and checking casting notices on four different websites. I also have to use these computers to print things, since the Caldwells, God bless them, have printer issues too. (I really, really am grateful.)



I fax things from the UPS store, where my mail comes and goes. All matters, personal and professional, now go through my cell phone. My car contains every significant file, book and item of clothing that I may need for work.



I have never been more mobile. Life has never been so...nomadic. I sort of like it, but even I have times when I long to settle down. We will settle, for three months anyway, at the Nyberg pool house soon. (Please, call me Kato.) It will be the first time that my family has lived in a home alone for over two years. We are looking forward to remembering what that is like. We have no idea where we will go after that...none at all.



Work stuff progresses. I have averaged one audition per week. I haven't averaged one job per week, but we are ok for now. I may get a gig next week and I have an audition tomorrow for a national commercial. I'm still working six nights per week at Tony n Tina's.



Apex is going to start meeting monthly instead of weekly, which I feel good about. Next week I am going to spend Thursday in Phoenix at the North American Christian Convention. Greg and I will be leading some workshops there about church as we see it. We probably won't be invited back.



Next week I start a six week acting class with Gerald Gordon, a respected acting coach in town. He's very eccentric. I like him already.



I plan on blogging more frequently in a few weeks, until then you will have to spend more time actually interacting with people and things in the real world.



May you have peace.

Dang It



I typed a really long blog that didnt publish last week. It was good. You would have loved it.

A lot to say



Much has gone on in the last few weeks in our lives. Many of you know that we have moved from our house. It became clear to us a few months back that our family, at least at this time, needs to be alone. It was a deeply difficult decision to make. We love our community there and will miss sharing our lives with them, but we are excited about where the next road will lead.



In the meantime we are staying with The Caldwells and Sabrina until the Nyberg's pool house opens up in a few weeks. We plan on being there at least three months as we scan the horizon of possiblities before us.



We have never been more "free" than we are today. No mortgage, no steady job apart from Tony n Tina's. No massive project to consume our lives. If I get a two week job offer in Paraguay, we can take it without hesitation...unless Paraguay is a bad place for excitable Arian pre-schoolers.



We still have the option to go to Hawaii with TnT if we want...but our producers have also purchased the Broadway show and are starting an Opryland show this year...so there are options there too. Vegas may begin to function as more of a homebase, or, perhaps more accurately, a sending place. Makes me think of ancient Greek words like ekballo and apostolos. Look them up in your free time.



God is building a church in the basement of the Rio. I have had more spiritual conversations in the last two weeks than in the first seven months combined. Two of my friends asked me to "ask God for a message for them" at the bar last week. I prophesied over them as showgirls threw plastic beads into hordes of drunken tourists all around them. Some of my friends there have decided to go to church...one is going to Canyon Ridge, three to a church in Henderson and another to a Lutheran church. Another friend has been bringing a Bible and reading it before the show. None of this was really happening when I arrived. I've now told five of them that they are my church and that I don't go to church because I think God is making us one...they all seemed to understand. My friend Kevin is getting married in a few weeks and he asked to officiate. I told him I would if we could just sit in a circle and talk about marriage. We will be doing that June 23.



Next week I go to LA to teach a class at Hope University, and hopefully audition for "The Chase Matthews Show" an SNL-like pilot. My agent is trying to get me the audition



So Gregg doesn't have to click on my other blog, I'll let you know that last week I auditioned for a new Second City show here in town. It's sorta my dream job. There were close to 100 people and I made it to the final 12 or 15. People from all over the USA were there. I had a really good audition and a really, really bad callback. I got nervous and broke most every improv rule. So I went from thinking I was pretty hot stuff to realizing how volitile of an improvisor I am in about 36 hours...It's the first audition that hurt that bad. When I see the Flamingo Hilton my heart sinks. That's why I try to not want anything too bad...I usually get jobs that I don't really care about, probably because I am more relaxed.



Well...enough for now. I'm proud of your stamina if you read this whole thing. Peace to you.