Small



The planet hiccups and 100,000 people cease to exist. I've been thinking about 9-11 and how much coverage, fear and wrath followed. This earthquake may do 50 times more damage to life and property.



We are small. Even when we think we accomplish big things (for good or evil) we see that nature is capable of something so much bigger. We aren't as powerful as we think we are.



If God is, then he is even more powerful than that which he has created. Staggering.

Me Dot Com



I'm learning that acting professionally is really three or more jobs. Basically, the first job is self-marketing, the second is auditioning and the third is actually acting. The self-marketing part is a little odd for me. It's easier for me to sell something other than me...but I'm becoming more comfortable with it all.



All of that to let you know that I have launched a new website. It's really for casting directors, producers and the like, but I thought you might be interested.



Just a warning, a few of my monologues are linked...or will be soon. There are a few four letter words, so if such things offend you just look at the pretty pictures and call it a day.



www.joeboyd.net

Christmas Thoughts from an Actor



I am a relative novice at the art of acting. However, I am developing a philiosophy that works for me. The foundational idea of being a good actor, for me, is rooted in the incarnation. Allow me to try to briefly explain. The best actors are never acting, but simply being. They are being someone else, true. But, in some mysterious way, they are also being themselves at the same time. It's not like they are 50% another person, 50% themselves, but rather 100% of both.



When I am acting well, I am fully in touch with Joe and with the character Joe has become. One is no more or less real or valuable than the other. At that moment, the two are one...and seperating us would kill us both.



There is some Christmas message here. I'll let you discover it.

About five days ago I typed a very long and meaningful post that was somehow lost. That seems to happen to me a lot. It's very frustrating. I should save them, but I don't. Maybe you should have never known those thoughts.



So, I'll keep this brief and let you know that I was booked today for a TV Show on the Travel Channel. It's a funny spot to air next year. I'm excited about it.



Peace



Joe

Mr. Boyd, hottie or child molester?



This week was my first as a substitute teacher. I was at a northwest HS, teaching Psych. and Sociology. I didn't like it. I'm going to try it again...but, wow, did I so not like it. The teacher left me no lesson plans and the kids were out of control. The other teachers apologized when they heard that I was subbing for this particular teacher. I have to think that it was close to worse case scenario. I did talk with the theater teacher and gave her my number. I'm going to try it again, but not for a few days.



Teaching has always been the ultimate backup if all else fails for me. I'm not sure that I feel that way anymore. I'm sure that if it was my class from day one I could shape it...but I don't know. These kids were very defiant. (One girl called me a child molester and another stood up and told the class to F--- off...Another girl raised her hand in the middle of a lecture and told me I was "a hottie." The class laughed and I told her that I could get arrested for her thinking that. FYI, I couldn't get a single girl to say that when I was actually in high school, but that's a different story...Another kid watched South Park on his laptop the whole time. You get the picture.)



So...I want to be an actor real bad now. I have two auditions Monday. One for a feature Disney film shooting in Salt Lake...pray that the Lord delivers me.



I miss a lot of you...looking forward to Apex in a few weeks.

Quickly Busy



The last few weeks have held a lot of action. It started with two full days of training for substitute teaching. I was officially ready to go last Thursday, but haven't been able to work yet because of other things going on. I've been to LA twice this week. The first time to duplicate my new headshots and to register with some casting agents and the second time for my first SAG commercial audition. It was for a Desperate Housewives promo spot about a bunch of guys playing poker and admitting that they watch the show. They had me read for the lead, but I didn't get it. I did get to go straight to the callback somehow though...that was cool.



I was booked that same day for a 24 Hour Fitness commercial. I worked two days this week on it. I was in the running for a principal part, but ended up working background. It was SAG and paid well. It also gave me 2 of the 3 vouchers I need to join the Union...which is a very good thing. I had set a goal to be SAG eligible by the end of the year...it may happen.



I was also cast in a play for STARK theater company that goes up in early December and just today I found out that I was hired to be on a "touring company" (almost the entire tour is in Las Vegas) with Nevada Theater Company doing a play about the founding of Nevada (Very Guffman if you ask me...) But...it pays almost as much as Tony n Tina's and almost all of the performances are in schools during the day, so I can do both at the same time.



Still waiting to hear about the western that Gerald is directing, but he is sure it will happen sometime next year. John Schnieder, aka Bo Duke, was interested in the part I was cast in...but it ended up not working out...so those dern Duke boys are at it again.



In my spare time this month I wrote a short film that I really like...more on that later.



Debbie and the boys seem to be doing well. Eli is liking kindergarden and has started reading. We are settling into our new home quite nicely and seem ready for the holidays. Hope you are all doing well.



Peace.

Update...



Things are going...I've had a few auditions lateley. One for a SAG 24 Hour Fitness commercial and another with Nevada Theatre Company for a play that will run in the morning in different schools. Last week I did my substitute teacher training and I'm good to go starting sometime this coming week. I don't really now if I will like it or not, but I'm excited to see what happens.



Other than that, everything seems to keep moving along...

We're Home



Our trip was great. Three days in San Francisco and three in LA. We were able to sleep in everyday, compulsively overeat and entertain ourselves to death. You know it's a good trip when you are completely ready to come home.



My mom survived the kids and they were very happy to see us return. Debbie will tell you all about the food, so I'll give you a quick entertainment synopsis:



1. The Producers (Touring company) in SF was great. It was opening night and fun to see them fight through a few technical problems.

2. Stand-up Comedy in SF-7 locals. It was OK. One girl was great.

3. Friday Night Lights (movie). I loved it...one of the five best sports movies ever. I think Deb fell asleep.

4. The Groudlings all improv show. The hilight for me. My old teacher, Jeremy Rowley, was in it...along with Jordan Black (who rocks) and the lady who played "Brow" in Austin Powers. The celebrity guest star was the girl from Yes, Dear.

5. Improv Olympics show. Yeah, it sucked. It was worse than the worse comedy I had ever seen before. Bad.

6. Mean Girls (movie). I thought that it was funny. I also think Lindsay Lohan is a real actress.

7. Garden State (movie). So glad we caught it in the theater before it left. We saw it at a really nice theater on Sunset/Vine. Tickets were $14, but everything was great. The movie made me want to be an actor...oh yeah...

Not Much To Say



Sometimes life just moves along. Nothing too exciting. Tomorrow I will end a stretch of 12 days in a row at work...I've played the same part all 12 days and I have to say that as fun as my job is, I'm ready for a break. I will be off work for 8 days starting Sunday. Mom comes in tomorrow to watch the kids while Debbie and I leave for our anniversary vacation next week. I'm looking forward to it.

Nevermind



It's hard. You wait for something, anything, to happen. Everyone is always asking how its going. You can't tell if they are honestly interested or secretly judging the decision to do something seemingly impossible with your life.



I used to have huge emotional swings...not really swings because I never really got too excited. Just huge depressive slumps during the bad times. (This was in my old church life.) I've tried to see this new career more realistically. I will fail at most every audition I do. The problem with that is I get excited when something actually happens. I don't really do excitement as an emotion very well. Since I was a little kid I was embarrassed to be too happy or excited. It's hard to get used to allowing that emotion into my phsyche. It's incredibly humbling when you get excited about something too early...



All of that as a preamble to say that the Travel Channel shoot has been moved...to the week of October 10. The week I'm going to be out of town celebrating 10 years of marriage to the love of my life. I'd rather be there, but damn it, I almost was able to do both.



There's still a chance it will film on a day I'm in town...but they won't work it around me. They'll find some other desperate actor to take my spot, my check, and my credit on my resume.



So there...I threw up on you guys to avoid a depressive slump. Just give me a few days before you ask if I've gotten any new jobs...but then start asking again because if you really care I want to be able to let myself be excited with you. And if you are judging me, stop it because I do it enough to myself. Lots of love.

Short career update



I got a little job on a Travel Channel show that shoots early wednesday morning. I play a parimedic who tries to get a lady in labor to leave the blackjack table. The pay is only a few hundred, but it will be cool to do a national TV show.

There and back again and back there and back again again...



It has been a busy week. We went to Laguna with my in-laws for a few days. Then I drove back to LA Tuesday night and back again for the show Wednesday. I registered with two casting agents there...we'll see what comes of it. I had two auditions on Monday here in town. It looks like I didn't get either. One would have been nice because it was SAG, the other I was afraid that I actually would get an offer. It's a local cheesy car commercial. They seemed to really like me, hopefully they liked someone else just a little better.



At any rate, this week has flown by.

Going on a Trip



My inlaws have arrived from Indiana today and we are all preparing to go to Orange County for a few days. We'll leave late tomorrow and get back Monday. Of course, after booking the trip I was scheduled for two auditions on Monday, so we will be trying to make it back for those. It seems like I always get auditions at the worst time. That's part of it all I guess.



I'm looking forward to the trip though. Until then...

Lets get physical...



I've been going to the gym everyday except one for three weeks now. Going to the gym is a lot like reading for me. I don't really like doing it so much as I like having done it. I lost about 30-35 pounds since this time last year, but now I have the hard work of trying to get rid of the last ten or so. I've been eating better too. (Though I've pretty much left the vegetarian lifestyle behind. I eat fish now and chicken sometimes.)



I like the routine of working out. I hate the actual physical pain associated with it. I've tried to view it as part of my job. Most of the parts that I fit are for fit people. (A little sleep deprived word play for you.) The hardest thing about being a professional actor (I still hesitate to call myself that, though it's more true now than ever) is that virtually everything is out of your control. At least I can try to get my body and mind ready for the next thing...whatever that will be.



So...these days I pretty much hang out with the family, go to the gym, then go to work. Not a bad life.

Birthday Thoughts



Aidan turns three today! Debbie and I took him out for a special birthday lunch after dropping Eli off at Kindergarten. His birth will always be linked to 9-11 for me, because that was just his second day home from the hospital. I can remember my first few thoughts after Debbie woke me up that morning: 1. This is a bigger deal that anyone realizes yet. 2. This is our Pearl Harbor 3. I just brought a baby into this world...



I think the world is better place with Aidan in it, even if its a worse place for what happened a few days later.



It's hard to believe its been three years, on both accounts.

Luke-a-paloza



39At that time Mary got ready and hurried to a town in the hill country of Judea, 40where she entered Zechariah's home and greeted Elizabeth. 41When Elizabeth heard Mary's greeting, the baby leaped in her womb, and Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit. 42In a loud voice she exclaimed: "Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the child you will bear! 43But why am I so favored, that the mother of my Lord should come to me? 44As soon as the sound of your greeting reached my ears, the baby in my womb leaped for joy. 45Blessed is she who has believed that what the Lord has said to her will be accomplished!"



Mary continues to be highly esteemed for her faithfulness. The greatest act of faith is often a season of waiting prompted by trust. This is where Mary finds herself. Luke uses the words of Elizabeth to both honor Mary and foreshadow the blessing of the Messiah to come.



46And Mary said: "My soul glorifies the Lord 47and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior, 48for he has been mindful of the humble state of his servant. From now on all generations will call me blessed, 49for the Mighty One has done great things for me-- holy is his name. 50His mercy extends to those who fear him, from generation to generation. 51He has performed mighty deeds with his arm; he has scattered those who are proud in their inmost thoughts. 52He has brought down rulers from their thrones but has lifted up the humble. 53He has filled the hungry with good things but has sent the rich away empty. 54He has helped his servant Israel, remembering to be merciful 55to Abraham and his descendants forever, even as he said to our fathers."



Here we have a song or poem found on the lips of Mary. It is a song of praise from a fiscally poor, teenage Hebrew girl who believes Messiah is finally coming. The words are certainly true, and in part prophetic, but also incomplete. Luke seems to be setting the reader up to believe that Messiah is coming exactly as expected. Soon we will see that he is coming in the most unexpected way imaginable.



56Mary stayed with Elizabeth for about three months and then returned home.



In this time John would have been born and Mary present for it all. Her eyes seeing a miracle in action would have only increased her faith. There is no evidence that Jesus and John grew up with a knowledge of each other, though it could be implied from this story, since a bond seems to exist between the two mothers.

Still doing that Luke thing...



26In the sixth month, God sent the angel Gabriel to Nazareth, a town in Galilee, 27to a virgin pledged to be married to a man named Joseph, a descendant of David. The virgin's name was Mary. 28The angel went to her and said, "Greetings, you who are highly favored! The Lord is with you."



Just another day in the life of the angel Gabriel circa the birth of our Lord. Going to frighten unsuspecting young girls with unbelievable news.



29Mary was greatly troubled at his words and wondered what kind of greeting this might be. 30But the angel said to her, "Do not be afraid, Mary, you have found favor with God. 31You will be with child and give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus. 32He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David, 33and he will reign over the house of Jacob forever; his kingdom will never end."



Frighten…and overwhelm. No real doubt here what the angel is telling the young girl: You are pregnant with Messiah. Up to this point “virgin” could just mean young girl. For the reader, pregnancy is not the miracle (yet), Messiah coming is. Name him “God Saves.” All the terms to follow are messianic: the King of Israel has come. “His never-ending Kingdom (could be translated “reign”) will never end. The Jewish reader sees political and economic deliverance from Rome in these words. Jesus would see something deeper.



34"How will this be," Mary asked the angel, "since I am a virgin?"



Oh…that’s what virgin means. An even greater miracle. Most great myths/religions of the world have a virgin birth associated with them. This has led some scholars to believe that the virgin birth is an afterthought. Luke treats it, however, as purely historical.



35The angel answered, "The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. So the holy one to be born will be called the Son of God.

36Even Elizabeth your relative is going to have a child in her old age, and she who was said to be barren is in her sixth month. 37For nothing is impossible with God."



This, according to our angelic messenger, is definitely a divine conception. The Holy Sprit “coming on people” is true to the Old Testament pattern and terminology of how the Holy Spirit works. He will be called “son of God” because, Luke argues, he was God’s son even in a physiological sense.



It is no lesser miracle that Elizabeth is also pregnant. There is a connection between the two pregnancies. Here we find out that Mary and Elizabeth are somehow related.



38"I am the Lord's servant," Mary answered. "May it be to me as you have said." Then the angel left her.



This statement above all others is why Mary has historically been honored in the Christian tradition. If only we could honestly respond this way to every situation, no matter how frightening or overwhelming.

Luke 1 continued:



5In the time of Herod king of Judea there was a priest named Zechariah, who belonged to the priestly division of Abijah; his wife Elizabeth was also a descendant of Aaron. 6Both of them were upright in the sight of God, observing all the Lord's commandments and regulations blamelessly. 7But they had no children, because Elizabeth was barren; and they were both well along in years.



If the God of Israel has a pattern, it is in the opening of wombs. The story of God’s people is the story of fertility, particularly among those seemingly infertile. The births of John and Jesus will coincide with the birth of the Kingdom of Heaven on earth. The above verses can’t help but bring to mind the stories of Noah, Abraham, Moses, Samuel and others.



8Once when Zechariah's division was on duty and he was serving as priest before God, 9he was chosen by lot, according to the custom of the priesthood, to go into the temple of the Lord and burn incense. 10And when the time for the burning of incense came, all the assembled worshipers were praying outside.



God approaches Zechariah at the time when Zechariah was most focused on God. It makes me wonder if perhaps God had tried more subtle approaches to reach this man before this one.



11Then an angel of the Lord appeared to him, standing at the right side of the altar of incense. 12When Zechariah saw him, he was startled and was gripped with fear. 13

Angels always seem to frighten people. I think that a true encounter with an angel would be so terrifying that it could never be doubted. They spend most of their time with us telling us not to be afraid of them.



But the angel said to him: "Do not be afraid, Zechariah; your prayer has been heard. Your wife Elizabeth will bear you a son, and you are to give him the name John. 14He will be a joy and delight to you, and many will rejoice because of his birth, 15for he will be great in the sight of the Lord. He is never to take wine or other fermented drink, and he will be filled with the Holy Spirit even from birth. 16Many of the people of Israel will he bring back to the Lord their God. 17And he will go on before the Lord, in the spirit and power of Elijah, to turn the hearts of the fathers to their children and the disobedient to the wisdom of the righteous--to make ready a people prepared for the Lord."



We find the interesting fact here that Zechariah has been praying for children, even though it was all but impossible. God often gives us desires that lead to faith. This is what it may mean to “ask for faith.” He is gracious enough to give us the desires for things (that we too often dismiss as selfishness) which lead us to prayer and hope and expectancy: faith. All of this according to his redemptive will.



Name him John, which means “God is gracious.” Jesus will follow, “God saves.” Grace comes before salvation. It seems as though John is to take the Jewish Nazirite vow for his life, which includes no grapes/wine, no touching dead bodies and no hair cutting. John’s life mission is here, “to go on before the Lord…to turn hearts…to make ready a people prepared for the Lord.”

Everything about this blessing points to the tradition of the Hebrew Prophet…a prophet named “Grace.”



It is interesting that John comes to turn the hearts of the fathers to their children and not visa versa. The Father’s heart has turned to his children…he desires a family, “a people” here. As his heart turns to us, our hearts turn to our children.



18Zechariah asked the angel, "How can I be sure of this? I am an old man and my wife is well along in years."

Even though he has seen this miracle and has been praying for children, like us, he doubts.

19The angel answered, "I am Gabriel. I stand in the presence of God, and I have been sent to speak to you and to tell you this good news. 20And now you will be silent and not able to speak until the day this happens, because you did not believe my words, which will come true at their proper time."



The deep theological answer to why? “Because I am God’s messenger and I say so.” Now shut up and think about what you just said. Zechariah goes into verbal “time out” for nine months.



21Meanwhile, the people were waiting for Zechariah and wondering why he stayed so long in the temple. 22When he came out, he could not speak to them. They realized he had seen a vision in the temple, for he kept making signs to them but remained unable to speak. 23When his time of service was completed, he returned home. 24After this his wife Elizabeth became pregnant and for five months remained in seclusion. 25"The Lord has done this for me," she said. "In these days he has shown his favor and taken away my disgrace among the people."



Elizabeth follows in the Old Testaments heroines’ footsteps by being prompted to worship. She has no idea that there is so much more than just “her disgrace” on the table.

I'm spiritual either way...



Well...I'm not sure why but I have decided, at least for today, to read through the book of Luke very slowly. I'm planning on sharing my thoughts with you, but please don't try to start a silly debate with me. If we disagree, fine. If I help you, great. This is mainly for me. Enjoy.



Luke 1



1Many have undertaken to draw up an account of the things that have been fulfilled among us, 2just as they were handed down to us by those who from the first were eyewitnesses and servants of the word.



What is different and obvious from the beginning is that Luke is approaching his telling of the story as a second generation researcher. Meaning, though he may have known Jesus, his focus is on the accounts of those who knew him best. “Many have undertaken to draw up” suggest that (written?) biographies of Jesus were becoming more commonplace by this time. We know that more existed aside from the four canonized books, many still in existence today. One has to think that Luke, whatever his true identity, is writing for a specific reason, even if the reason is to tell the story “accurately” as he seems to imply here.



“The word” is notable here simply because Luke isn’t John. It is worth pondering at this early stage (perhaps 30-50 years into the church age?) how much of John’s understanding of Jesus as logos existed. Was Jesus truly “the word made flesh” to Luke, or is he using logos here as something more concrete, as in the gospel story?



Regardless, we must at first reading put John and the other synoptics aside to find Luke’s story as he wishes us to see it. (I reject any notion of synchronizing the gospels until each gospel is fully understood on its own.)



3Therefore, since I myself have carefully investigated everything from the beginning, it seemed good also to me to write an orderly account for you, most excellent Theophilus, 4so that you may know the certainty of the things you have been taught.



The author is claiming full responsibility for the upcoming material as lead researcher. He’s probably the most “modern” thinking of all the biographers.

We don’t know if Theophilus is a person or a term for the church: “Loved by God”, but we do know that whoever he/they are, they are already living within the gospel before receiving the written record of it. We should not feel bad for them in this regard. It is possible today to live within the gospel before reading the gospels.

10 Years



Debbie and I are quickly approaching our ten year anniversary. (New Years Eve.) We are planning a week-long trip without the kids, probably sometime in October. Right now we are leaning toward a cruise, which we have never done or even really thought about doing.



It really is hard to believe that we have been married this long. At my 30th birthday I sort of felt 30...this feels different. It doesn't feel like we've been married 10 years. (Or in Las Vegas for almost that long.) I guess that's a good thing!

Tears



Eli started Kindergarten today. I was somewhat ambushed by emotions. I didn't really feel like it was such a big deal since he had be in pre-school last year. I thought that Debbie might cry (she didn't.) My mom called and told me that she cried on my first day of Kindergarten. (Seemed appropriate.) But I don't really ever cry. Maybe once a year. I've been wanting to cry more these days...not because I'm sad...just because I want to be able to cry. Crying is a block in my acting. I have problems crying in a scene that calls for it.



Today, after dropping Eli off at school, I went to the gym. On the way there, I started to cry. It's hard to say why. I think the realization that he would be going most everyday to a strange place to be forever shaped by a room of strangers was the main thing. And that, it's likely to continue for the next 13-17 years. I think it also symbolizes a loss of innocence. I knew when I left him there that I was leaving him at a place where he will be hurt. My first real painful experiences were in Kindergarten. I was made fun of for not being able to "trot" during a sensory assessment. It was the first time that I realized I didn't measure up...I was "behind"...I wasn't completely loveable.



He has to learn these things sometime. I just hate that he has to learn them.



I cried a lot in Kindergarten...most everyday as I recall. I cried througout my childhood until some unrememberable time when I convinced myself to grow up and stop crying. Since then...I don't really cry at all. Just special occasions like today. Debbie picked Eli up from school. As he was leaving Deb heard his teacher say, "No tears tomorrow, Eli." He had cried because another kid knocked his blocks over...possibly at the same time I was crying because I knew he would cry if another kid hurt him. There's something to the fact that he needs Kindergarten right now to learn when and when not to cry. It's social conditioning I guess. A necessity. I would love for him to not cry ten times a day like he does now...but I'm afraid he'll be turned into the same Stoic robot the system turned me into.



Ohhh...I moan because there is so much that Debbie and I have been unable to teach him that he will learn there. And yet there is so much that we have already taught him that he may unlearn there. I guess we just watch and see what happens. I'm gonna be a mess when he goes to college.

I don't feel old



Eli starts Kindergarten Monday. We went to meet his teacher yesterday with all of the other parents and kids. The other parents were so...old. Many of them balding, most with business suits on...I kept looking at them and seeing old people. They all looked...in their thirties. That's when it hit me.

Blah



Just for balance, since my last post was so encouraging. My last two auditions have felt very rough. Granted, they were both quite a stretch for me, but still...I have been nervous at them. I hate that. I'm caring too much. When I didn't know any better and didn't really care about getting a job, I got most of the jobs that I auditioned for. These days I'm not quite as fortunate. There's a chance that one of the last two will come through...but I doubt it.



These little successes and failures have very little impact on my overall mood, however. That's quite a change from a younger version of myself. After my disaster, er audition, yesterday I was pretty low for about five or six hours. But today I feel fine. Having the reality and constant awareness of rejection in my life every single day has made me less fearful and less worrisome of failure.



I'm so happy to have my family to come home to. Their unwavering acceptance of me, the constant encouraging of my dreams, the relentless encoure of "Daddy's home!" everytime I walk through the door are more than enough to offset a world of rejection from these countless unknown casting directors.

It's kind of Lethal Weapon meets Unforgiven...



Today was one of those moments. I was given my first complete script for a real (read: paying) movie. I haven't got the part yet, but Gerald, my acting coach, is directing it and he asked me to read it and to tell him which parts I thought I could play. It's SAG, which means I would get my card and it would pay a minimum of $700 per day. Things change quickly, and nothing is certain..it just felt nice to have it. I have had a few moments over the last year which felt like subtle mile markers...my first audition, my first callback, signing with an agent, my first autograph, my first speaking role in a commercial...today was the first time that I came home with a screenplay for a feature film...pretty cool.

If you put enough actors together...



Everytime that I am thrown into a new community of actors the same thing eventually happens...Jesus join us.



I just had the most remarkable conversation tonight with two guys I hardly know from my acting class. We talked about love, God, sin, religion, Jesus, church, morality, faithfulness, and sex. I'm pretty sure that we all entered into a time of confession, and I think the one guy absolved the other. Weird. These guys aren't "Christians". Or at least they wouldn't be labeled as such, but maybe neither would I anymore. We all said that we believed in God at the end of our time together and that we should try to find out who he is. One of them looked at me and asked me to pray for him. It was very intimidating to see how much he meant it. For decades people have asked me to pray for them just to end a coversation. This guy really wants me to. I'll give it my best shot.



I'm so glad that I'm free to see God move. I'm pleased to be on this journey.

Poker



Last night I played poker in my new house with some of my castmates. Tommy and Gene-o came over as well. It was very cool for me to have them hang out with the guys from my show. It's always a little strange when two communities come together, but I hope that everyone enjoyed each other. It was in many ways a subtle victory in my faith journey to have ten people in my home, all of whom truly love me and know my story, but eight of whom aren't "church" friends. I lost around $20, but wouldn't have had it any other way.



The real question I kept asking is, "Would Jesus chase a nut flush draw all the way to the river if he was sure the guy across from him was holding big slick with a bullet and a cowboy already on the table?"



I love talking like a poker player.

The 50 Most Influencial People of my Life



I had this idea coming home from work tonight. Please don't be offended if you find yourself or don't find yourself on the list. This isn't a list of the people I like the most...I've just been asking, Who made me into the person I am? I'll just list people as they come to me and we'll see what happens.



1. Danny Boyd, my father

2. Sandy Boyd, my mother

3. Debbie Boyd, my wife of nearly ten years!

4. Eli Boyd, my son

5. Aidan Boyd, my son

6. Greg Hubbard, my friend and partner in making a difference

7. Doug Parks, my friend and balancer

8. Chris "Ernie" Caldwell, my friend and the most accepting person in my life

9. Dallas Willard, an author who changed who Jesus was to me.

10. Kevin Odor, my pastor

11. Mark Elwood, my high school teacher who taught me how to tell stories

12. Phil Webster, my friend and this kid who made me think too much

13. Rich Mullins, his music and constant presence in my life secretly shaped me

14. Ryan Hayden, the first person cooler than me to accept me...and he wasn't really that cool

15. David Colbert, my brother-in-law, friend, and example of strength

16. John Cantrell, my first best friend

17. Mrs. Welsh, my Kindergarten teacher

18. Keith Colbert, my father-in-law

19. Becky Colbert, my mother-in-law

20. Katie Worden, my first friend to die...I miss her more than I let on.

21. Donald E. Miller II, my friend and one of the few people I always feel comfortable with

22. Lisa Lewis, my friend who seems to always understand me

23. Kevin Rains, my friend and forerunner

24. Mike Steele, my friend who cries for me

25. St. Francis of Assisi, you should feel pretty honored if you made it ahead of him!

26. Doug Citizen, my friend who taught me how to be and not do

27. Heidi Stokes, my friend who sees the core of me

28. Jim Nyberg, my friend whom God has connected to me

29. Jeremy Ohl, my passionate mystic friend

30. Fred Rogers, PBS TV personality who taught me how to behave

31. Henri Nouwen, author who taught me about God

32. Trevor Tolly, friend who loved me when I was hard to love

33. Bill Hybels, pastor who inspired me to start Apex

34. Brian "Lumpy" Rutherford, in a parallel universe we are best friends-too many miles

35. Emily Ackley, Ernie's grandmother...I miss her

36. Scott Hennig, my friend who has taught me the power of love and stability

37. Jon Dale, God used him to call me out of vocational ministry

38. Gerald Gordon, my current acting coach

39. Steve Haxton, my friend and high school Sunday School teacher

40. Marshall Hayden, my minister at my home church

41. Bonnie Maddox, my grandmother

42. Clifford Maddox, my grandfather

43. Tommy Peterson, my friend and the one who reminds me of who I am

44. Barbara Lauren, my friend who cast me in Tony n Tina's wedding

45. Sean Critchfield, my friend who gets me all excited

46. Kenny Parker, my friend who reaches out to me

47. Mo Andrieu, my friend who takes risks

48 Dave Carder, my friend who says things will happen and then they do

49. Wayne Jacobson, my friend who changed my community

50. Jim Sullivan, my friend whom I most want to be and not be at the same time

Changes



Things I do that I didn't used to do:



1. Take my shirt off in public. (but only six nights per week in front of 250 strangers.)

2. Sign autographs. It's weird.

3. Answer all calls from unknown numbers. (It might be a director, casting agent, etc.)

4. Eat chicken....sometimes. I'm trying to ease back into meat to raise my iron.

5. Kiss people. I kiss lots of people on the cheek...men and women. Too many Italians in my life.

6. Read Entertainment Weekly as if it were Forbes and I was a CEO.

7. Hold the title to my Montero. Paid it off last week.

8. Live in Summerlin. I always kinda wanted to.

9. Eat Sushi. Had a nice Spicy Tuna roll for dinner.

10. Make lists of things that I do that I didn't used to do.



Things I don't do that I used to do:



1. Go to church. Now I am the church...but sometimes I still wanna go.

2. Read deep books. Mainly plays lately.

3. Watch TV. Not so much, maybe 30 minutes a day.

4. Hang out at a coffee shop most of the day...oh yeah that reminds me of the next one...

5. Work (vocationally) for Apex, or any church for that matter.

6. Get really depressed. It's been a while.

7. Own a pet.

8. Constantly push my hair out of my eyes. I like it short.

9. Play golf. Maybe in 16 years...

10. Parent two pre-schoolers. Eli is now officially enrolled in Kindergarten.

Anonymous and Elmer Gantry



This is why I debated for so long whether my blog should have comments. To put it as nicely as possible...I have to not care what you think about my posts in order for them to be worth posting. Posting to irritate or impress is rather juvenile and not constructive for me at this point in my journey. So...I'm curious as to what you think, but at the end of the day...this is where I am honest about the parts of my life that I am willing to talk about with strangers. You guys have more energy than I do to debate such things...I wasn't offended by anonymous' comment. It sounded a lot like what I constantly expect people want to say to me. "Go for it...Just don't stop being a Christian," is basically how I interpret it. That's an honest response from a person of faith.



Tommy, Phil and Alicia love me enough to defend me even when I don't really need to be defended. That's beautiful...a tad bit reactionary, but beautiful all the same. I'd do the same for them.



And now for something completely different. You have to rent ELMER GANTRY and watch it. It's a 1960 film that will help you understand me and others like me if you take the time to think about the conflict that each character goes through. Please email me (oh yeah, or comment) after you see it. I'd love to hear your thoughts.

The Passion of the Joe



Passion is an elusive thing. I am a passionate person. For years my passion was targeted toward religious goals. I hesitate to honestly say that it was true passion for Jesus...though some of it was. Much of my youthful Christian passion was some strange combination of a desire to be accepted, an honest longing for the redemption of humanity and a severe case of bad theology.



I struggle with new passions as they arise, or more accurately, as they are violently released from deep soul hibernation. I am becoming an artist...or realizing that I have always been one. I am seeing more clearly everyday that I am passionate about acting. (I am so careful with these words because I have come to believe that passions are not newly received but finally discovered within a person.)



I have some strange guilt that I have discovered such a passion. It seems less noble than the passions of my youth...more true, but less noble. I am still passionate about love, life, Jesus, my wife and kids...but somehow when I am acting I feel that I am honoring those passions. I am releasing myself to a craft...an idea. I also, because of who I am, have guilt that I am an artist for sale. A cultural whore who will do anything for a buck. As I use my art to peddle products and entertain drunken tourists I wonder if I have sold out...but still, there are moments, even in the midst of it all. Last night I signed an autograph for a mentally ill lady and she smiled so big that I nearly cried. She believed...and I saw the responsibility that comes with being an artist.



All of that to share this quote with you...it will help you understand me.



"Actors are some of the most driven, courageous people on the face of the earth. They deal with more day to day rejection than most people do in a lifetime. Every day, actors face the financial challange of living a freelance lifestyle, the disrespect of people who think they should get 'real' jobs, and their own fear that they will never work again. Every day they have to ignore the possibility that the vision to which they have dedicated their lives is just a pipe dream. With every passing year, many of them watch as the other people their age achieve the predictable milestones of a normal life--the car, the family, the house, the nest egg. But they stay true to their dream, in spite of sacrifices. Why? Because actors are willing to give their entire lives to a moment--to that line, that laugh, that gesture, or that interpretation that will stir the audience's soul. Actors are beings who have tasted life's nectar in that crystal moment when they poured out thier creative spirit and touched another's heart. In that instant, they were as close to God, to magic, to perfection as anyone could ever be. And in their hearts, they know that to dedicate oneself to that moment is worth a thousand lifetimes." -David Ackert

I'm not quite dead...



I've been in bed most of the day today. I'm starting to get sick and its a little concerning because I have a few busy days ahead. I'm memorizing yet another monologue and another scene for class on Monday. The Apex Gathering (the first in five weeks) is tomorrow. I'm preparing a teaching time for that. In the meantime it looks as though I may be working on an indie film tomorrow as well. I'm a awaiting final confirmation on that. It pays next to nothing, around $50/day, but it will be a good experience and something I can add to my reel and resume. And, oh yeah, I gotta go to yet another pretend wedding tonight.



If my health holds up, I'll be OK.



We had our neighbors: Ernie, Nan, Katie and Sabrina over for breakfast this morning. It was nice...and it made Debbie very happy.

This Land Is Your Land...



I you haven't seen the Bush/Kerry parody of This Land Is Your Land, click here.

Acting Class



I'm taking acting classes with Gerald Gordon.  He's a very eccentric guy.  I'd guess that he's around 70 years old.  He was a soap opera star as a young man in the 1950's on The Edge of Night.  He directed The Fantastiks in LA for many years.



Anyway, he as been very supportive thus far.  He wants me to learn how to ride a horse so that I can audition for a western that he his directing this fall.  yee-haw.



The class has been great.  I have had to read a play each week and perform a monologue from the play.  I feel like I am learning all of the things that I should have known before getting into the business.  It has been fun to learn a craft.



 

Home Sweet Home



We are in the new place, which means that I can actually get on the internet from my own home.  I plan on blogging more frequently again.  I filmed a local commercial for Coast Casinos this week.  The shoot was from 10 pm-8 am Thursday night/Friday morning, so I am a little sleep deprived.  I don't do well without sleep.  I'd rather not eat for three days than not sleep for one...it makes me crazy.



The new house is nice.  It's smaller than the last house that we owned on our own, but it doesn't feel small to me.  It has wood floors which is new for me.  We got a new computer and  new toaster oven...what else could one ask for?  Things are good.



Its so freakin hella hot here.  I'm ready for a nice 90 degree day.  (That's autumn here.)  I'm ready for football season.  I'm ready to have the option to wear blue jeans if I feel like it.



More thoughts to come...thanks for hanging in there during the blogging draught.

The Stable Adventure

 

Stability, or at least our version of it, awaits.  I have been officially promoted to full time status with Tony n Tina's which means that I am working six days per week with a higher salary and a few benefits.  It is nice to know that we have some more security there.  It looks like we will be signing a 10 month lease on a rental house just four houses down from Ernie and Nan.  That means we will be Summerlin residents until at least June of 2005.  I'm getting ready to start the second week of a six-week acting class that runs from 9-3 on Mondays and Thursdays.  It has been really good so far...a lot of work, but really good.

 

I have been hired for two local indie films in town, but haven't been told when they start.  They both are supposed to pay a little, but I get the feeling that they might fall through.  I'm auditioning for another one tonight.  I'm waiting to hear from a few commercial auditions as well.  There is an outside chance that I'll do some extra work on CSI next week to try to get my SAG card.  I've decided to not do extra work unless it gets me a SAG voucher...once you have three vouchers you can join the union.

 

Eli starts school in six weeks.  Weird.  He seems excited about it all.  That's another thing that will gives us some stability/daily ryhthm.  Debbie and I are realizing that she prefers a stable life with some adventure thrown in and I tend to prefer the exact opposite.  We are shooting for 50% predictable, 50% unpredictable.  I think we are about there. 

One Click Shopping



Because some of you requested it...and because of my limited internet access, I will be only updating my primary blog for a while. Click here if you want to see it.

It's all Ernie's Fault



I am poor white internet trash...meaning that I have to go to the public library to use the internet. It is good to be among the masses. Ben Franklin is probably really proud of me. (He fought for state funded libraries back in the day.)



I'm very grateful for the Caldwell's generosity...but their internet connection s-u-c-k-s. So...here I am. Us poor people get 60 minutes of computer time per day, then we get booted. I have 41 minutes to go. Most days I use up all of my time returning e-mail and checking casting notices on four different websites. I also have to use these computers to print things, since the Caldwells, God bless them, have printer issues too. (I really, really am grateful.)



I fax things from the UPS store, where my mail comes and goes. All matters, personal and professional, now go through my cell phone. My car contains every significant file, book and item of clothing that I may need for work.



I have never been more mobile. Life has never been so...nomadic. I sort of like it, but even I have times when I long to settle down. We will settle, for three months anyway, at the Nyberg pool house soon. (Please, call me Kato.) It will be the first time that my family has lived in a home alone for over two years. We are looking forward to remembering what that is like. We have no idea where we will go after that...none at all.



Work stuff progresses. I have averaged one audition per week. I haven't averaged one job per week, but we are ok for now. I may get a gig next week and I have an audition tomorrow for a national commercial. I'm still working six nights per week at Tony n Tina's.



Apex is going to start meeting monthly instead of weekly, which I feel good about. Next week I am going to spend Thursday in Phoenix at the North American Christian Convention. Greg and I will be leading some workshops there about church as we see it. We probably won't be invited back.



Next week I start a six week acting class with Gerald Gordon, a respected acting coach in town. He's very eccentric. I like him already.



I plan on blogging more frequently in a few weeks, until then you will have to spend more time actually interacting with people and things in the real world.



May you have peace.

Dang It



I typed a really long blog that didnt publish last week. It was good. You would have loved it.

A lot to say



Much has gone on in the last few weeks in our lives. Many of you know that we have moved from our house. It became clear to us a few months back that our family, at least at this time, needs to be alone. It was a deeply difficult decision to make. We love our community there and will miss sharing our lives with them, but we are excited about where the next road will lead.



In the meantime we are staying with The Caldwells and Sabrina until the Nyberg's pool house opens up in a few weeks. We plan on being there at least three months as we scan the horizon of possiblities before us.



We have never been more "free" than we are today. No mortgage, no steady job apart from Tony n Tina's. No massive project to consume our lives. If I get a two week job offer in Paraguay, we can take it without hesitation...unless Paraguay is a bad place for excitable Arian pre-schoolers.



We still have the option to go to Hawaii with TnT if we want...but our producers have also purchased the Broadway show and are starting an Opryland show this year...so there are options there too. Vegas may begin to function as more of a homebase, or, perhaps more accurately, a sending place. Makes me think of ancient Greek words like ekballo and apostolos. Look them up in your free time.



God is building a church in the basement of the Rio. I have had more spiritual conversations in the last two weeks than in the first seven months combined. Two of my friends asked me to "ask God for a message for them" at the bar last week. I prophesied over them as showgirls threw plastic beads into hordes of drunken tourists all around them. Some of my friends there have decided to go to church...one is going to Canyon Ridge, three to a church in Henderson and another to a Lutheran church. Another friend has been bringing a Bible and reading it before the show. None of this was really happening when I arrived. I've now told five of them that they are my church and that I don't go to church because I think God is making us one...they all seemed to understand. My friend Kevin is getting married in a few weeks and he asked to officiate. I told him I would if we could just sit in a circle and talk about marriage. We will be doing that June 23.



Next week I go to LA to teach a class at Hope University, and hopefully audition for "The Chase Matthews Show" an SNL-like pilot. My agent is trying to get me the audition



So Gregg doesn't have to click on my other blog, I'll let you know that last week I auditioned for a new Second City show here in town. It's sorta my dream job. There were close to 100 people and I made it to the final 12 or 15. People from all over the USA were there. I had a really good audition and a really, really bad callback. I got nervous and broke most every improv rule. So I went from thinking I was pretty hot stuff to realizing how volitile of an improvisor I am in about 36 hours...It's the first audition that hurt that bad. When I see the Flamingo Hilton my heart sinks. That's why I try to not want anything too bad...I usually get jobs that I don't really care about, probably because I am more relaxed.



Well...enough for now. I'm proud of your stamina if you read this whole thing. Peace to you.

Data



I have an audition tomorrow for a local commercial and another Wednesday for a new Second City Improv show at the Flamingo. I'll keep you looped

I haven't much to say to the world wide web these days. I'm in a bit of a blogging funk i guess. I don't really feel like sharing the big things in my life right now and the little things seem too petty to write about.



So...I'll catch the blogging bug again soon I'm sure, until then may you have great peace and joy...

We are in the Future



I haven't had much to say lately...but today I say this:



Soda machines now take credit cards. That's either the greatest or worst thing that has happened in my lifetime. I'll let you know when I figure it out.

Envy



Some new thoughts on my other blog...if you care.

So, you're a star, huh?



I had another audition today for what was supposed to be a video game and ended up being a reading for a commercial of some sort. I would play a poker dealer...which shouldn't be a problem. I did some extra work on Miss Congeniality 2 last week. (See below for my thoughts on extra work.) It worked out well though. I was pulled to the front and asked to do a scene with Sandra Bullock. She has a stool thrown at her and ducks....and then I have to jump over it. It contained about 2 seconds of real acting, so that was exciting. She introduced herself to me as Sandy and seemed friendly enough. I wasn't star struck at all. Quite the opposite. I think that being awed by a famous person is ridiculous...but so is being jealous of one. That's my weakness. I don't want her fame or money...just her ability to act whenever and with whomever she wants. Overall though, I'm managing the envy pretty well. It's silly. I have all I need with my faith, my family and my friends. Sometimes you just wanna get on the phone, call your agent and say "I feel like playing a jaded ex-con with ocd and a tatoo on my forehead...make it happen." Is that so bad?

We miss mommy



Debbie's grandmother passed away and she is there for the funeral this weekend. She almost didn't go, but I rather compulsively bought her a ticket at the last minute. It's good that she's there. She gets back tomorrow, so I only have a few more hours of single parenthood.

Still Going



I picked up a little job this week shooting a trailer for a mobster movie. It pays very little, but its only a few hours and I get copy/credit plus a guarentee to audition if it gets picked up by a major studio.



Tomorrow I shoot my new headshots with the new haircut.



I guess the biggest news is that I was offered a nonspeaking part on Miss Congeneality 2 which would have made me SAG eligible. I couldn't make it work with my schedule at such short notice, but it was an exciting call none the less.

In the Can



The commercials are in the can as they say. The Mandalay shoot was a 3:30 am call, so needless to say I was a little tired yesterday. I got a callback tonight for an indy film that i auditioned for. It's a $2 million picture, which isn't big or anything, but more than some guy with a camcorder. I'll know more about it after my reading Saturday.

Wayne



Wayne Jacobson is spending the weekend with us Apex folks. He is really good for us. I missed half of the discussion yesterday due to a commercial gig, but it was great to be there in the afternoon. Life on the journey means learning to live loved by Father, growing in trusting Him, experiencing the freedom of his love, being a family with each other and sharing the love we know. I can do that. I like a faith like that.



Whenever I am with Wayne I leave wanting to believe in the God he believes in. I have been risking life with that sort of Father for a few months now. It has been rewarding and challanging...challanging to let go of the God I thought I knew and receive a Father who loves me.



It's left me often at a loss for words and a loss for actions. To live my life and be loved is enough these days. Father is changing me.

Captain Commercial



This week I was cast in a debt consilidation commercial, which will run in several markets nationally. It's rather high on the cheese factor, but what are you gonna do? I am also doing a commercial for Mandalay Bay that will run in west coast markets. There are no speaking parts, I'm pretty sure that I will be playing craps.



All told, we should rake in about $1k for the two shoots...not bad.



Oh yeah...I had to cut my hair for the shoots. My agent and both casting directors assured me that I will get more work with this look. I like it...I was getting tired of the long hair anyway. It does mean that I have to get new headshots asap...which will eat up about 20% of the aforementioned profits...such is The Biz.

Finally



Its been a stretch of auditions with no luck, but my agent just called to let me know that I got a part in a commercial. I have no idea about the details yet. I am glad to get something with Cody. All of my other work I've gotten on my own.

The Family Grows Again



Congrats Tommy and Meghann!

Still Going...



It's gonna be hard to make a living acting. There I said it. I'm having pretty good luck, but its so inconsistent. I want to be SAG eligible by the end of the year so that I can audition more in LA. It's also hard to set goals...but there I just set one.



Peace.

Easter 2004



The life lived without courage is not the resurrected life.

My Birthday Bash



This Friday at 10 pm.



McMullan's Irish Pub just west of The Orleans Casino.



See me there.

I'm still alive



I've had a really busy week. I picked up a side job doing some extra work for a TV show on top of my nightly stuff. I'm sleepy.



It looks as though the Hawaii trip will likely happen in June instead of April/May. Thanks to all of you who have been helping us figure it out.

Please Don't Look for me on The OC



As it turns out, this OC stuff is going to be all extra work. It's not really acting, but they still give you money. There is a slight chance that something good may come of it, but its really nothing too impressive. I'm quite troubled by being an extra and I'm not sure why. It's humbling for sure, but I need money and sitting by a pool all day for $100 aint a bad job. The other extras are so excited about it...I'm kinda ashamed of their enthusiasm I guess.



Reasons to be an extra:



1. You like to hang out with TV/Movie Stars.

2. You think its real acting.

3. You have some delusion that you will hook up with a model.

4. You got nothing better to do.

5. You are good looking, but too dumb to do anything else.

6. You need money.



Reasons I am an extra this week:



see #6 only (and maybe the second half of #5)

The OC



So I guess that I will be working for these people this week. A few days of extra work and then I get to play a poker player. Hopefully that will be enough to justify putting it on the resume. It means that I will be working 15 hour days since I will straight from there to TNT. But then again, "work" tomorrow entails sitting by the pool at the Hard Rock for 10 hours...

Takin Their Time



People wait until the last minute to let you know if you have a job or not. It's rather frustrating. Tonight at TNT Jody asked that we give him seven days notice if we need a night off for another gig. I haven't had seven days notice for anything else that I've landed. I have three possible things out there...realistic things...for next week. One is a high paying gig in Laughlin Wed-Sat. The others are day jobs in Vegas. I feel like at least one of them is going to go through, but I don't know if I can get off work.

Help from my Cyber Friends



Hello everyone. I haven't used this journal very often to ask for help, but I figure if you are odd enough to want to read about my life, you may wanna help a brother (and his wife and kids) out.



There is an increasing possibility that my family will be doing a show in Hawaii (Maui) for 4-6 weeks in the near future. We are looking for a place to stay for under $1000/month, which pretty much means we need to go through somebody who might know somebody who likes to give discounts to actors/church planters/poor white people. We can make do with a room or 2 and a bathroom for the 4 of us. The show is in Lahaina on Maui. We would be there sometime late April through the end of May...but its flexible.



So...e-mail us via the link in the side bar over there ---> if you can help.



Mahalo. (Thanks, Nicole)

Update



Well...all is normal on the uncertain front. Hawaii is looking more and more possible, but for 4-6 weeks, which is better for us anyway. I'm playing Michael at TNT every night except Sundays because the other Michael has been suspended for missing a show.



Next week I may have a small spot on The OC as a "young, hip poker player." I'm a poker player at least. I may also be in a (say it aint so) infomercial. Who knows what will happen, likely nothing.

Air Travel...



I woke up to 32 degrees and snow. Five hours later the ATA captian tells us that its sunny and 90! I'm back from Indiana. The wedding was nice. I met these guys: click here. They sang in the wedding and are part of my friend Ben's house church in Cincy.



When I got back into town I was told that the guy who shares my role with me in TNT was "suspended". I'm not sure what that means except that I am Michael everyday escept Sundays until further notice. I've been wanting to get more days, but not at someone's expense. Mixed feelings.



A good sign you are getting older: you prefer crossword puzzles to video games. Yep...I turn 31 in 3 weeks.

Quick Trip



We are flying to Indiana tomorrow at midnight with a layover in Chicago. I'm not looking forward to the flight, but it will be nice to see family. My brother-in-law Dave is getting married. We will just be there through the weekend, and then back to Vegas.

Love



I spent nearly an hour telling a friend about Jesus in the parking lot of the Rio tonight. I was able to explain the Kingdom of Heaven to him better than I ever have before. He asked why I treat people the way I do and I explained that I just try to give everyone the gift that I have been given...love. I don't get lots of things. I don't honestly understand the afterlife at all. He had questions and I just had to agree with his questions. But I think I get Jesus. I like him. I'm horribly embarrassed of his followers, but I'll talk about him all day long.



I see Jesus slowly making his way into this community and it makes me happy. I have no idea what he will do tomorrow.

You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and then you have the facts of life.



My agent called today with two auditions. The one that would have worked out well was for an improv radio comedy hour that is airing live March 20. Unfortunately I am out of town then so I had to pass. The other is Thursday for a commercial. On a less positive note, I had a terrible show tonight at TNT. I missed two cues and the director scolded me for the first time. I did have a bad show...it just really sucks to be told about it. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Work



Got a little job with "Dinner and a Movie", a TV show, that shoots tomorrow on the Strip.

Hawaii



Hawaii is becoming more of a reality. I should know this week if TNT wants me to go for sure, then we just need to see if we can do it without losing $. I would get paid around $2,000 per month...which is good for 15 hours of work per week, but not quite enough to survive there. Deb or I could get a day job a few days per week to make do.



Debbie seems really excited about the possibility, so I'm rather motivated to pursue it. I would say that it has gone from a 1% chance of happening to a 50% chance. I find out tomorrow about a pilot that I auditioned for in LA. I'm not really expecting to get it, but they were very positive during the audition. That could wrinkle Hawaii planning as well.



Ah, the joys of uncertainty and possibility.

Loss



We just received word that Kelly's mom passed away this evening. Please remember the Parkers in your prayers.

Perfect



Today was perfect. 75 degrees with a slight breeze. And I took a nap. Naps are happy things.

I may need a daytimer



Its so hard to know what the future will hold. So far I've just been following most every lead that comes my way. The problem now is that I could possibly get three or four jobs that would have me work on the same day. It's hard to find that balance of flexibility and taking the $ when its there.



I may have an opportunity to go to Hawaii for 8 weeks with TNT. We'll see.

Aloha means Hello



Tonight I wish I had something really deep or profound to say, but I don't. I'm working every night this week at TNT, which is a good thing financially. It is starting to feel a little like a job at times, but a fun job...Tonight they invited any of us who are interested to think about doing the show in Hawaii for two months. Hmm...We probably won't be doing that, but I'll spend the next 24 hours thinking about if it is possible. (It only pays $500/week and housing isn't included, so that's not much to live on seeing as we would still have to pay the mortgage back here and all...) I guess I have already thought about it a bit.



Anyway, Aloha means goodbye.

Got Work?



We have a new stage manager at TNT named Jody. He sets the schedule now and has given me five days this week (Tues-Sat), which isn't officially full-time, but good news on the cash flow front.



I will find out March 10 about the LA audition.



My friend Rolan has gotten me in the door for a murder mystery that will play on the Nevada/Utah border in coming weeks. I don't even know if I could work it out with TNT, but I'm going to meet with them on Wednesday.

Muted Apostle



Looks like Debbie and the boys are getting sick now. That seems to be the pattern. I get sick and get nearly well and then give it to them...then they can give it back to me in a few weeks. We are a very sharing family...that's good at least.



I'm afraid to see The Passion. My housemates saw it tonight. Some of my castmates are going to see it Sunday night after the show and they invited Debbie and myself. I will see it, but not this weekend. I'm glad that it was made and that so many people are being exposed to the story. I guess my deal is that it is my story. If someone made a movie about my father or wife or friend or son....and the movie was about the real way that that person was tortured and died...I wouldn't see it on opening weekend. I'd want the world to know about their pain, but I wouldn't want to live it again. I hear so many people talking about Jesus these days and I feel like they are talking about some famous person that I happen to know. Most of the time I just stay out of the conversation. It's a strange time to follow Jesus. So many of his followers are opting to be so loud right now. I've been loud enough in years past. I will be silent and look for the Resurrected One in the poor, the mundane and the casual.

Still Sick



I have been very sick. I was diagnosed with bronchitis for the second time this winter. Today is the first day since Sunday that I have been able to function at 50%. Work last night was torturous, but tonight was OK. I'm on lots of drugs and I hope to be better soon. I have lots of thoughts to share regarding gay marriage, The Passion, and other things, but I'll wait until I can think clearly.

Feel Sorry for Me



I slept 21 hours today. I have a fever and a pretty bad cough. On a positive note, Debbie and the boys are back...

LA and Back Today



I'm not sure what exactly I went to today. It was an audition for a reality show about the making of a TV Pilot. I would say that it went very well. It was very much American Idol for actors...not quite what I was expecting. I'll know more in a few weeks. It's called Pilotproject.



Oh...she did say that I would have to grow my hair longer for the part, which is funny considering the last entry.

Going to Bed Now



Tonight I completed my sixth night of TNT in a row and now I have three days off. I just got back from seeing Etta James in concert. She was great, but I fell asleep. Her music makes me sleepy. Tomorrow I'm going to LA with Tommy for a 5:00 audition.



Thanks Greg C for adding "comments" to my blog...

Hair



So...it was really just one audition for 3 spots by the same production company. It went very well. At the end of the audition they asked if I would cut my hair. The gig pays $500...I had to decide if my hair was worth $500 in a split second. My initial thought was "sure, what do I care." But then I remembered that I have to care these days. I just paid $175 for headshots and I would have to get new ones with short hair. I technically have to get permission from TNT to get my hair cut. I was the only guy with long hair at the auditioin, which would have been a really good thing had they wanted that.



"I can get a short trim...a few inches all around." That was my answer.



"OK, we'll call you." They haven't. It shoots tomorrow.

Friends



I have been able to spend a lot of time with people that I usually don't get to hang out with much...mainly because they are the kind of people who hang out until 2am. The last few nights were spent with my castmates after the show. I finally feel completely included in the community there. There are lots of new people coming in so I'm no longer introduced as the new guy.



Tonight I am going to see Etta James with my friend Vel and her dad. Tomorrow I will be going to LA with Tommy unless I get a call that I have work here. (I auditioned for a commercial that shoots tomorrow and they liked me but wanted me to cut my hair...so they may have passed on me.)



Either way...I'm just saying that I am blessed to have so many new and old friends. (Today I slept through breakfast with my oldest friends for the second week in a row...which sucks. 7am is getting earlier and earlier for me these days.)



I miss my three best friends though...they will be back Sunday.

Just Found Out



I have auditions for three different commercials today! Having an agent is cool.

Barry Wheeler



Somehow I ended up playing Barry in TNT three days in a row. I really enjoyed the part. Now I go back to Michael for the next three days. That means 6 days in a row for me...a record. The cool thing is that my family has been out of town anyway, so its not like I'm missing time with them.



I will be going to LA Saturday to audition for a TV pilot. It's a long shot, but I'm sure I'll learn something by doing it. My friend Tommy may be coming with me, so if nothing else we can hang out.

Back in Town



I'm back, but Debbie and the boys are staying in Indiana for the rest of the week. I'm working pretty much every night this week and I have an audition in LA Saturday for a TV pilot...so I'm keeping busy. Whenever the family leaves I tend to keep myself really busy. I don't know if that I means I am really a workaholic or if I just miss them and try not to think about them not being here...probably a little of both.



Now I'm off to have lunch at the new Paymon's Med. Cafe in Summerlin with Greg and Jeremy. It will be my second time there...I like the old one better so far, but this one is a little closer. (See "My Happy Place" on my links for more info on my favorite restaurant.)



Peace to you...

How many blogs does it take to...



A few days ago I started another blog to chronicle my journey into acting. I've been trying to figure out why I felt urged to do such a thing. I think that I wanted a "pure" record of that journey so that I could look back on it someday. It also feels odd to blog so much about my career in this particular journal. We'll see what comes of it all.



All of that to say I will still update a few major events here. I signed with an agent today...Cody at McCarty Talent. I'm excited about the partneship. It feels right to me.

Jerry Mc-f'n-Guire?



Cody Garden is my agent. Today I signed with McCarty Talent. It was my #1 choice. So...yeah, that's good.

You take one shower and...



I was in the shower yesterday afternoon and received two voicemail messages. One from an agent that I am hoping will sign me. We are meeting in the morning. The other from an acting coach, Gerald Gordon, that I am hoping will let me study with him. (I'll have to go through an interview process and audition to be his student.)



So far I have been struck with how much of this industry is waiting to have a phone call returned. Until now in my life I have normally been the guy that people waited for a phone call from...now its the other way around. It is humbling and makes me feel a little bad about my tendancy to wait a few days to return calls. (I have always had a slight fear of speaking on the phone...I know its strange, but with the exception of about 10 people I have to force myself to pick up a phone and dial. I guess its some form of shyness. Phone calls are very intimate compared to other forms of communication...enough about my oddities...)



I also received another call today from yet another agency. I will wait and see how tomorrow goes before calling them back.



On another note, TnT is directed by one of the original writers, a man named Larry who lives in NYC and visits us every few months. He will be here this week and they have finally scheduled my to play my other part (Barry) while he is here. It could help my chances to go five nights per week there.

Leavin on a Jet Plane



We are preparing to go back to Indiana this week. It will be good to be with Deb's family. It will also be very cold. Take the good with the cold. Debbie and I have a strange gig at her homechurch. I'm playing an Italian entertainer named Vinnie at a Valentine's banquet. Should be interesting. Pray for me.

Because I have nothing better to do...



I have started a second blog to exclusively record my journey as an actor. The only thing more disturbing than me doing two blogs, is the fact that some of you will read them both. Either way: www.actingbiz.blogspot.com

The Biz



Life is so much more than business. Business, however, is a part of life. I have started this second blog to keep a record of my journey as a professional actor. So...let's get caught up:



My name is Joe. I'm 30 years old, married with two kids. I live in Las Vegas. And I have no idea how I became a professional actor.



I graduated from seminary in 1995 and moved to Las Vegas to be a clergyman for the rest of my life. Somewhere along the way I grew disinterested in religion and church as business. If you are more interested in my faith journey and spritual quest, you'll wanna read my primary blog.



Early last year I began exploring acting in my free time. I took some improv classes with The Second City and The Groundlings. I landed a few interesting gigs including playing the role of Michael in Tony n' TIna's Wedding at The Rio.



As of this week, I have reduced my church work to 10 hours per week in an effort to make my living in acting and storytelling. I have no idea what is to come, but I am ready for the journey.



Today I met with an agent who "really liked me" and thought I was "unique and talented." She was however, "not ready to sign me" because "I don't know enough yet to be excited about being signed." Interesting. Truth is, I wouldn't have signed today anyway because I'm meeting with another agent next week. That agency is my first choice. So I am hopeful. The lady today did say she might call me if something comes up. She mentioned a show called Scare Tactics in which I would scare unsuspecting people...I'm thinking no. Improv is more fun when people know you are acting...



On the way back from that meeting I got a call from a dinner theater in town that might hire me to act on my off nights at Tony n Tina's. I'm currently working at TnT 3 nights per week and on a waiting list to go fulltime. This could fill in the gap until then.



I think you are up to speed now. Here's to professional pretending.

Random Thoughts



Nothing is really worth blogging about, so...



1. American Idol is a great format. It is basically three different reality shows in three phases. I like it, even though it's not very manly to admit it.

2. I'd like to have a beer with John Edwards. He has a Clinton-ish way about him...he projects a caring attitude. I'd love to see if it is real. Doesn't matter. It's gonna be Kerry v Bush and I only like politics for the theatrical value anyway. (Presidential elections have just become another, less interesting, reality show option.)

3. Got a little gig shooting a video thing for Pulte Homes this Satuday. Pays 50 bones.

4. Mom and Dad are in town and coming to TnT tomorrow.

5. TnT is featured in this week's "What's On", a Vegas magazine. Lots of pic's from the show. (I was off the night the photograher came, so you won't see me.)

6. Cheryl is still stubbornly pregnant, but Jack will be joining the household this week...we think.

7. Basketball used to be my favorite TV sport, but I can't watch it anymore.

8. Golf was my least favorite TV sport as a kid, now I like it almost as much as football.

9. Dave Letterman is looking old.

10. For the third year in a row we will be getting a tax return without paying any taxes....maybe I should care more about politics...

Just for fun...get a job



This is my last week as a full-time employee of Apex. I have until May 1 to figure out exactly how to compensate for the loss of income. Tony n Tina's helps, but right now its only part-time. I requested to go full-time there, and they said, "Yes...as soon as a position opens up." That could be next week or next year...



It looks like I should be getting an agent, which may help some. But there is still a missing link. I have felt all along that God has been promising to let me make my living via storytelling in one way or another. It's that strange balance of trying to figure out when to be patient and when to go "make something happen." If TnT opens up before May, that will be enough for us to survive (barely). If it doesn't, I need to find a third way to generate some scoots.



Some days the whole puzzle is fun to put together. Other days it is scary. Mostly, I hate thinking about it all...I had no idea how much security was generated from a weekly paycheck. I feel like everyone either sees what we are doing as too risky or not risky enough. I don't care, so long as we are faithful. If you pray, we could use a little help in discerning the details of our life...

Dude, Where's My Inter-planetary Rover?



There's a freakin' remote control robot on Mars taking color pictures and zapping them back to earth. When my great-grandfather was my age we couldn't fly an airplane, take color pictures or even fathom remote controls...weird.

Why we hate "it"



Life is just people dancing around and with various institutions. People give some institutions more power than others. Some people give some institutions power that some other people do not. (The institution of Tony n Tina' s Wedding means nothing to most of you...but I have given it power because it gives me money, enjoyment and some measure of meaning.) At the end of the day, its just a bunch of people dancing around a label. Your work is that too. Your church probably is too. Your nation, your political party, your band, your playgroup, your softball team, your school, your neighborhood, your volunteer organization, your heritage, your bar, your ministry....just a bunch of people dancing around and with labels...that's all. But you and I have given them power. We give the power a name and make it divine. We worship it, serve it, love it and hate it. But "it" is only as real as we make it. Most of the time what we are calling "it" is really Paul, Molly, Nikki, Tim, Enoch, Ryan, Will and Sue...but we call them "it" so that we can make "it" better or worse than "us."



Remember, our battle is not against flesh and blood (people), but against the powers...

...and all the ships at sea



I have been listening to the BBC on NPR on my way home from the RIO....that was an attempt to see how many three letter abbreviations I could get in one sentence...but RIO is lame...its not an abbreviation at all.



The point is this: In the UK the liberals are pro-war and the conservatives are anti-war. In the US the liberals are anti-war and the conservatives are pro-war.



I just found it interesting...it made me realize that those labels are very subjective based upon the perception of history in a certain culture.



I'm tired.

Hypothetically



If someone loses 25 pounds, that someone's ability to hold their liquor deminishes. I celebrated my friend JP's 24th birthday last night and now I have a headache.



Love you Mom...glad you read my blog now...

Encore



I've never bothered to learn how to archive my posts, so they vanish after about 8 months. The one below was about to go, but I wasn't ready for it to leave...nor am I ready to learn how to archive. So I copied it for me...you can read it if you want...i guess that's the whole point of this thing...



Friday, May 16, 2003

Eli's Questions



Two weeks ago Eli, my three-year old, asked me what water was made of. I was rather distracted trying to get him into his car seat so I answered without thinking. "Hydrogen and Oxygen." He said "What's hilgrigin and oxelgon?" "Basic elements," I said as I closed the car door. His question haunted me that day. More acurately, my answers bothered me. I am such a materialist...such a modern...such a practical atheist...a fact junky. What is water made of? I am convinced that every pre-modern culture that has ever existed has a damn good answer that involves a beautiful narrative of one of their own recieving water from the Divine. We think that we have the right answer...H2O. H20 is BS. Its a lie that we created to forget the story of what water really is. Water is made of love and life. That's the truth. It's a gift not a formula. I made a vow that day that I would try to answer the next difficult question as a spiritual being instead of some organic computer.



The next question came about four hours ago. Eli and I were on our way home from Walmart when he noticed the eclipse. (I knew it was happening but had forgotten to look.) "What's wrong with the moon, daddy?" "It's an eclipse, Eli." Crap! Here I go again. "What's an ekilps, daddy?" It was all I could do not to explain planetary rotation, natural satellites and the moon as a reflective body. I searched my brain for a story...nothing came to mind until Eli spoke again. "I think the moon has a moon-blanket on cause he's cold." I said, "Sounds good to me, buddy. It is really cold on the moon right now." "Yeah...and the moon is far away...farther than Memaw and Papaw's house, huh?" "Yeah, really far," I answered.



We arrived home about five minutes later and Eli told Mommy, "The moon has a blanket on." She stared bewilderingly at me..."There's an eclipse tonight." I had to translate truth into fact for her. Now if I could just learn to do the opposite for Eli.

Money



I've never really worried much about money for two reasons: 1.) I really don't seem to desire lots of expensive things in my life and 2.) I've always had a steady job that paid me enough to not have to worry about having the stuff that I do like (namely a house, a car, copious amounts of coffee and a few trips to IHOP every week.)



This year I have thought about money more than I care to admit. Many of you know that I am preparing to cut my hours with Apex in an effort to pursue acting and storytelling vocationally. It has made me realize that I am probably going to make a lot less money or a lot more money than I would have had I been content to work within the church system my whole life. I was on the fast track to 45k/year until Jesus comes back, but not anymore. Most actors work their tails off to make half that. Some actors make ridiculous amounts of money...I don't know which option worries me more.



I just want to continue be faithful. I want to continue to live within a Kingdom ecomonic. And I want to make the car payment this month and still be able to fork over some bills for Eli and Aidan to step into some pancakes this weekend. These are my financial goals.

Get Well



Loredana (Doug and Cheryl's little one) is sick. She has been admitted into Summerlin Hospital with some sort of bronchial (sp?) infection. Cheryl's due in a few weeks, so they could use your prayers and whatever else you might be willing to offer up...



Eli has a similar thing going on, but not at all as severe. He went to the doctor today and got some stronger medicine..."not the yucky kind," he says. Gabriel's been pretty sick too, so its a good time not to visit our house...

Stuff I Think About



So I have this unwritten policy. (Generally I don't like policies, but if you are going to have them you should probably write them down...) Anyway, I tend to erase my blogging friends from my site if they haven't blogged for 3 or 4 months. I erased Joe P and the next day he blogged...so i was gonna put him back, but then he quit again...you can see my angst.



All of this to say that I erased my wife's link. Then I felt bad. Your wife should get at least six months. So she's back.

Write me blog, you're the piano man...



Last night my household rented The Pianist. It was pretty much what I expected out of an Academy Award winning movie about the holocaust...painful. It was a great movie and Adrien Brody deserved his award. I hate holocaust movies though. Here are my thoughts the day after:



1. Hitler was a really bad man. I mean, come on, dude was evil.

2. The Pope is cool. (The movie is set in Warsaw where Karol Wojtilla, our current Pope, helped lead the underground movement to protect the Jews back when he was a priest. He's not in the movie, but I thought of him often.)

3. Somebody right now is going through the exact same amount of pain for political reasons beyond thier control as the Jews did. (Think Iraq, the Sudan, parts of SE Asia.)

4. WW II is so modern to feel so far away. 60 years ago the western world was heartlessly killing people for their heritage. This wasn't the time of Hannibal and Caesar...this was the time of Katherine Hepburn and Joe Dimaggio.

5. The Jews must really be God's people because historically they have been as mistreated as God himself.

6. The Jews have always desired a home, but have always been wanderers.

7. Being free means being free to create.

8. Historically speaking, every generation should expect unimaginable evil. It's a pattern.

9. I'll never know if I'm really a pacifist until someone tries to kill me or the people I love.

10. Adrien Brody's nose is out of control. It makes Owen Wilson look normal.

"I'm an Actor"



If I keep saying it to myself, I might believe it more.



This week I'm getting new headshots and meeting with a potential agent. I guess I'm finally putting that Bible college degree to good work? I have no idea how this has all happened, but I'm enjoying it.



Debbie has been so supportive...thanks for letting me change so much over the last nine years. Thanks for not giving up on me and for somehow always liking the new Joe that seems to emerge every so often.

Michael Just



I play Michael in Tony n Tina's Wedding. I have been Michael for 2 or 3 months now. Michael is a recovering alcoholic and the ex-boyfriend of the bride. At first you play a character as if you were pretending to be someone else...you play him from the outside looking in. In the beginning of being Michael I had a constant mental picture of what everyone in the audience saw Joe doing as Michael.



It's hard to tell whether it is all talk or not, but the director of our show, who lives in NYC and is hardly ever around, told us to play it totally real. That's the secret to deep comedy, I think. I was glad to hear him say that. "No gags that aren't in the script...if people love you they will laugh or cry...and since they think its a comedy...they will choose to laugh." Makes sense to me. That has been my only focus as an actor...to find a real Michael Just.



All of that to say that tonight I hurt for the first time. I couldn't look at Tina. I felt empty. The only person that I ever loved just got married. I wanted poor Michael to leave the room...to hide in the corner...to do anything...until my first drink. Then it all left. My old friend had come back to help me. Tonight I discovered that Michael, my Michael, doesn't drink for fun. He drinks because he's empty and needs filled up. He drinks because he's lonely and misuderstood. And Tina was the smoothest, most powerful drink that he had ever had. She loved him. But even she couldn't fill him. She couldn't love him through his emptiness. I had always called Tina my soulmate...turns out Joe and Michael share a soul too.



I was surprised to find Michael's emptiness return tonight just before getting kicked out of the room. I saw Tina as drunk as me and it hit me that she was in pain...and I was still empty. For the first time ever I walked up to her and said, "I'm sorry." She was too drunk to hear me. I wanted her too. If Tina couldn't hear me maybe Molly who was playing Tina could. So I screamed, "I'm sorry!" No response from Tina or Molly. So I took my shirt off, sang Baby Got Back and left.



I walked out into the cold air shirtless and Joe Boyd returned and replaced Michael Just in my body. I didn't want a drink. I didn't want Tina. I didn't want anything but to go the dressing room and come home. And I wanted to be Michael again. To meet him at 7:00 next Wednesday and share a body with him for two hours. Maybe he needs me as much as I have needed him.